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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Normal 3.5 year old behaviour?

35 replies

littlemisspiggy · 07/03/2006 10:44

DS is 3.5. In his good moments he is an adorable, happy & laughing little boy. In the last 5 months or so his behaviour and tantrums have become more unpredictable and tricky to manage. I wouldn’t say we are at Supernanny level yet but DH and I are finding it hard not to lose patience but at the same time not just give in. Here are a few examples:

DS wakes up at 4:30 am & comes into our bedroom and says he needs to go to the toilet. So far no problem. Then says he needs his sunglasses to go in the bathroom because the light’s too bright. When I say I don’t know where they are he starts whining and then ends up on the floor wailing his eyes out.

Or, later I ask him what colour straw he would like in his beaker of chocolate milk (he always chooses pink straw for purple beaker) he says green. I put the green one in the beaker and then he says no I want pink. ‘But DS you already chose green;’ cue more wailing.

Or, I am going up the stairs with a tray of hot coffee, his milk etc, and he will go into one on the stairs because either he needs to go first/ he needs to be second/ I need to carry him (29 wks preggers)/ he’s ‘stuck’(pretends that his feet are glued to the floor). All very funny but not with a tray of coffee in my hands. My pleas for him to just keep going up get met with more wailing and flailing.

I know these sound just like examples of normal pre-school kids antics but examples like this are happening all day long so how do you get the balance right between pandering to their little characters and making them understand you can't always have everything you want the second you want it without having to go through World War 3?

Sorry this is a bit long but I’m wondering how other parents get the balance right and cope with these kind of episodes.

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Northerner · 08/03/2006 08:54

Lol at little emperor phase Jim Jams! This sums up my ds (3.11) perectly.

Tbh I have found the threenage years far more difficult than any other so far. he is 4 next month and I am hoping there is light at the end of the tunnel.........

littlemisspiggy · 08/03/2006 10:16

I agree the 'terrible twos' were a doddle compared to now.
Like the testosterone theory. Time will tell.
Last night was a difficult one as he fell asleep in the buggy on the way home from him and DH meeting me at the station after work. Woke up in a right strop and and didn't stop for 2 hours and it was gone 9pm by the time he went to sleep in his bed (via 'I haven't got any nice bedtime stories. Can you magic a new magazine). Have agreed with DH that he won't come & meet me if DS hasn't slept during the day so there is no risk of a repetition and he can go to bed properly at a reasonable time.
This morning of course you wouldn't recognise him. Good as gold and super cheerful.
Sorry to ramble on.

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CountessDracula · 08/03/2006 10:22

OOh yes my 3.5yo can be terribly trying when she wants to.

my dd used to do the straw thing

Now I don't offer her a straw unless she asks for it. When she does I offer her the box and she chooses one so no problem there.

With the stair thing I use distraction eg OMG I think I just saw a pussycat at the top of the stairs can you go and see... etc

foxinsocks · 08/03/2006 10:27

oh jimjams, how hysterical - the 'little emperor' stage!! My ds (4) has just hit this phase. I now refer to him as my 'alpha male' because he so desperately wants to be king of the household!

jimjams, is right little miss. This stage goes on for a bit. I don't know if it is to do with testosterone but it's a lot to do with them trying to take control of situations.

canadianmum · 08/03/2006 11:05

It is so refreshing to read this thread, I though my ds2 (3y3m) was the only 3 year old doing this stuff.

This morning he had a fit because he wanted to get dressed first. He wanted me to take all my clothes off so he could be first!! I ignored him for about 10 mins and then lost it, shouted, felt guilty, apologised. Then he did it again over something else. It is driving me crazy!!

I keep telling myself that I must remain CALM but it really makes my blood boil.

When he is good he is SO lovely but when he is bad he is HORRID.

I try to follow this advice: pick your battles carefully, try to remain calm, ignore or distract if possible, and then get stroppy :) - LOL.

oceanwave · 09/03/2006 16:51

Canadianmum, I agree, it is refreshing to read. I too thought my 3.5 year old was the only one behaving like this. Yesterday he asked me to get him something to eat & followed it up with the comment "come on then, chop chop"...I had to laugh, but honestly, where do they get it all from ?

pinkdolly · 09/03/2006 17:29

Hiya,
Been following this thread with interest. My dd1 is 3 1/2 at the moment and does have episodes where she just cant seem to make up her mind.
Today we were in town and I went to buy DD1 and DD2 (2 1/2) a cake. I picked up ginger bread man for DD2 coz I know she likes those. I tried to encourage DD1 to have the same as I didn't think she'd like anything else on offer. But she wanted a yeast bun so I let her have it. When we got home she then decided she wanted the gingerbread man. I explained that it was for DD2 at which point she said "but we could swap". I said she would have to ask DD2 if that was ok first. So I got her to show DD2 both the cakes and then ask her if she could have the gingerbread man. DD2 agreed to this and really enjoyed the yeast bun, and DD1 got what she wanted.
Now to the point... Should I have allowed this, or should I have stuck to my gun's and made DD1 eat what she asked for, which is what I would have done if DD2 hadn't agreed to the swap. In one respect it's a good lesson in sharing but in another I feel I might have pandered to her a little bit. What do you think?

Pastarito · 09/03/2006 18:20

Agree that 3.5 is the pits. My ds1 was a nightmare at 3.5, but only at home. His nursery and all outsiders, family, friends etc. thought he was an angel. Ds2 is 3.5 now and pushing the boundaries at nursery, but not really at home. Either way it is a real age for pushing the boundaries but you will get through it! Your ds will probably calm down when he goes into reception (assume this September or does he go the year after?).

And totally agree with posters about boundaries. Also consistency between you and your dh. My dh is Italian and we have always had a different approach which we have had to work on a lot to achieve consistency - I was strict he was lenient! Now we have taken more of a middle road but at least we are consistent and it seems to produce better behaviour from both our children.

Not sure if this was useful- just some thoughts. And all my sympathy as well. My ds1 kicked me in the belly when I was 9 mths pg with ds2 - and this was just one of a long line of bad tantrums (he also was 3.5 and going through really extreme tantrum phase) and I thought we were never going to get through it! Now at 7 he is a lovely, charming little boy with great self control.

Roobie · 09/03/2006 18:27

I love threads like this - although you always tell yourself it's common behaviour it still helps to see that your child's behaviour is the acknowledged norm. Dd is turning 4 at the end of April and the playing silly buggers is slowly reducing thank goodness

littlemisspiggy · 10/03/2006 10:17

Pinkdolly, I think you handled it very fairly. Luckily they were both happy with the result. God knows what would have happened if DD2 said 'no', lol.
Pastarito, yeah it is difficult at times for both parents to maintain consistency even though you want to in theory but your own characters are different and you react differently to situations. I sometimes find that our objective is the same but DH and I approach situations from different angles. For eg. DH will be more likely to give a straight 'no' whereas I might try and persuade why something is not a good idea. Does that makes sense? I think I'm rambling again. In general though I think he's probably more bad cop and I'm more good cop.

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