High needs baby is now a high needs toddler- any advice or support?

[NickNacks]

Dd is hard work and always has been. She's now 23 months and just (fingers crossed!) started sleeping consistently through the night and has always eaten well but her moany, needy, screechy, demanding personality is so draining. Unbelievably, perfect strangers are always telling me how cute she is (and I agree she can be) so it's hard to convey to other people, friends and family how utterly draining she is.

She constantly calls my name, follows me and cries constantly if I have to use the bathroom, will scream and sob if daddy puts her to bed, completely unable to play on her own and is very jealous of her siblings having cuddles or even conversation with me.

I should say she's my third child and I am a childminder and ex nursery nurse so I do have a good grip on 'normal' toddler demands but she out shines them all!

Does anyone else have a toddler who doesn't necessarily have any specific issues (eating or sleeping) but who just wears you down?

Can you give her more attention? My DS is like this - its because he wants me whch is fair enough. When he doesn't get enough of my attention on his terms (not talking about spoiling him, just letting him take the lead every now and then) he kicks off and gets very clingy. It reminds me that he's only little and needs a bit more mum time especially when he's tired/teething etc etc.

My son has gone from high needs baby to high needs toddler and is about to go into secondary school and is still high needs.

People told me that if I thought he was high needs now then I was going to struggle in the teen years but he is as high needs as he was as a baby and he's 12 this year.

sounds a bit like 21mo dd2
we just go out a lot
she has a low boredom threshold, and fares far, far, better with a change of scenery, even if it's just the park or the corner shop.

Hmm, Now my initial answer was going to be 'well of course she gets lots of attention' - I work from home and we are rarely apart always doing things, groups outing activities every morning and quiet afternoons at home but actually it's rarely one-on-one. I'm not sure how to remedy this though as I work full time. We do go swimming once a week which is just us.

I'm not impressed to learn this might carry on into her teenage years!

My ds is 4 and has been consistently high needs from day 1 - still has extreme sep anxiety, will never play alone, screams if I try to do any housework. He is just a different breed of child to dd who is happy and chilled. I found How to raise your spirited child and The Explosive Child really useful to help me think about his needs and where they might be coming from.

It doesn't have to be a huge amount of one to one in one chunk, just the odd bit of time every day. Be it a story she wants to read, toys she wants to play or she wants to see what you're doing and join in. Let her help or whatever she wants sometimes, even if it means things take 7 times as long.

I've a high needs dd too, 2.6 years, she was the first so gets lots of one to one attention. Now that she has a sibling, I'm more aware of giving her some time with just the two of us. It can be just 5 mins together to make a jigsaw or a bit of wrestling, etc.

She's always been more interested in playing with people than toys which can be very draining.

I've been rightly shocked at the new baby, who loves toys, will play happily on the floor by herself and doesn't wake every 45 mins during the night. Is that what the average kid does?

I think I was lucky that the high needs one came out first as I didn't know any different.

Another thing I am guilty of is that my mind often wanders off thinking about the dinner or other shite instead of really paying attention to DD1. I have to remind myself to stop that in order to connect properly with her.

OP, I could be you, except my beautiful boy is 17 months but just as demanding. It's a real real drain isn't it? In fact I posted something along these lines yesterday.. I just hope it gets easier with time (I often look at my friends who have quiet, self-content babies and wonder if it's something I've done to make DS this way..

Sigh...

Just wanted to say that things do get much better with high need toddler (well in my experience anyway). 3 months ago things were still such hard work with the one-on-one intense attention he would need to remain happy. I was completely shattered.

Imaginary role play was (is) his thing and stopped him whinging. Now he is 27 months, he is so much easier - I can't believe it. I was really struggling, me and husband found it hard to even talk without him getting upset and he would tantrum if I left the room.

I felt we were spoiling him with the attention we were giving him which he needed, but now I don't believe we were. Now, he plays creatively by himself, making up his own stories - it's amazing.

He started nursery (one morning a week) and this was really hard, but we made up stories about this at home and did role play and that def helped. He really wasn't happy at the begining but he after a few months at nursery he is fine now and they too have seen a change in him.

Also, now he talks well he can say 'i'm

a little bit upset' instead of kicking (which he used to do a lot).
There really does seem to be a good outcome here and I'm proud that we've survived it. I don't have a spoilt little boy - which I was worried I might create with all the stimulation he needed.... He just needed so much more than other children needed. It was that bad, I considered getting professional help as the separation anxiety from me was so huge. It's amazing how its changed in last 3 months.

Don't get me wrong, he is still a very 'busy boy' - but he's much more manageable.
Hope this gives some of you something to hang onto. It won't be forever and the hard work you have to put in will pay off, Im sure. ) Life is so much better now )

sorry, not 27 months at all - 33 months!

Also, he was 'high need' from birth - just as many people describe - we could never just hold him and he be happy, we always had to be moving, singing, showing him things to stop him crying....exhausting )