Advice on dealing with 4yr old's behaviour.

[InelegantlyWasted]

Hi,

DS is 4, starting reception in Sept. We have been very fortunate with him really. He was a very easy baby and sailed through his toddler years, up until now he really has been a "good boy."

His behaviour has really deteriorated in recent months though. There is a lot of answering back, tantrums and general naughtiness. He really showed me up on a playdate this afternoon, he was throwing toys and acting out something chronic.

I try to be consistent. He gets a reminder, then a warning and then a time out. This is where I'm struggling though. He gets so angry and upset in response to being in the time out. For example, today he threw a toy, I reminded him not to throw toys, he threw again, I told him if he did it once more he would have to take himself out of the room for five mins. Then he did it again and when I went to remove him he went completely mental! Screaming, shouting, crying, hitting me. I try to stay calm and enforce the time out but I often feel like I'm making the situation worse. I don't want to ignore the bad behaviour, but whatever he is put the time out for originally just pales into comparison with his reaction once he realises he's in trouble. Why can't he just have a little cry and go off onto the naughty step to think about what he's done like all his friends?

4.5 by any chance? My DS is the same. Has had a couple of short stages like this since turning 4. So bloody wearing.

I chuck him outside.. seems to help

Hmmm.. sorry for the short reply - big strop erupted as I was writing that!

My 4.5 yo dd is just the same. I wish I had some advice for you but I am in the same boat. My dd seams to get pleasure out of anoying People. She is worse with older children. I am hoping it's just another phase.

Will be watching closely as u have described my 4.1ds...like yours, very good but recently his behaviour is awful.

The reaction to discipline is the same as your ds...possibly a developmental thing?

Thanks to all for your replies.

It is certainly a relief to know that this appears to be quite commonplace amongst the nation's 4 year olds!

I guess we must all stand firm and be consistent in our discipline. And I would put him outside but we live on the sixth floor and although he can be very annoying he hasn't upset me that much yet!

Mine is starting to play that copying game where he just repeats everything I say. I actually came out with "pack that in or I'll boot you into next week" , so I'm officially channelling my Mother

He's still angelic at times, but other times.. woah, he's HORRIBLE!

Just ready for school. Me that is, not him

It is good to know I'm not the only one; DS is 4.5, starting Reception in Sept. He has always been a challenging child at times but lately things seem worse, he won't listen to a thing I say, yesterday he hit the dog(luckily we have the most placid dog in the world), threw toys around the room, and ended up going to bed without his usual bath/milk/story because he was actively creating a mess while "we" were tidying the front room.

I wonder if it is an age/stage thing or because he knows that lots of things are changing -- I have been talking to him about starting at new school, and about leaving nursery and our lovely nanny will be leaving us as well (broke my heart a bit to tell him that). Maybe the behaviour is a reaction to the changes he knows are coming? I'm ready for school but bracing myself too for the inevitable tantrum onslaught (maybe I should book the poor pooch into kennels now!!)

Exact same thing here! DD is 4.5 and starting school in September. She has been fine until finishing playgroup 2 weeks ago. Now all hell has broken loose! Won't go to bed, argues about everything, attention seeking naughtiness, fighting with friends. It is utterly exhausting, but am trying to grit teeth and not react emotionally to it. I had so been looking forward to the summer holidays and spending time with her before school starts but at the moment every day is like an endurance test. An hoping it all settles down in September. We have a couple of holidays booked between then and now so hoping this change to routine, and having more people around (DP and PILS) to give her attention will help. Either that or will have to be wine!

Thank goodness I'm not alone. Half the time he's an angel, the other half a monster! Had to take home home from the park yesterday as he was going bonkers at me. I think I'm inconsistent which is part of the problem. I also think he gets a bit bored even though I arrange lots of "exciting" things to do!

I know what you mean Peach, I was really looking forward to enjoying our last summer together before DS starts school. What drives me crazy is that when he is being good he is such great company and we have such a great time together. When he's bad though, it's awful!
He is with his grandma for the afternoon, she always tells me he's been good when I pick him up. I'm not sure how true that is! His nursery only had good things to say about his behaviour when I went there at the end of term too. Perhaps it's just me and his dad that he's naughty for
I have started putting him into a holiday club one day a week as well to try and burn off some of his excess energy, he really enjoyed it last week and it gives him the chance to spend some time with some older children before school starts.
I hope everyone else has a good day and your homes stay tantrum free!

My DD has been like this since she was 2. She is now 6 and is still very capable of total meltdown, screaming, crying, door slamming. It is becoming less frequent (every other day rather than two or three times a day). Very trying, very tiring, very difficult to know what to do. I try hard to be consistent and make her realise there is consequence to her actions but I confess that sometimes her meltdown results in my meltdown. Her 4 year old brother can also have his moments and I've never known him go into timeout without a battle that seems bigger than the poor behaviour that led to it. Parenting - tis just bloody hard work and if anyone says it's not and their kids never push them, they are lying!