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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Terrible tantrums at 9 months old??

11 replies

NapaCab · 27/07/2012 16:27

My 9 month old DS has suddenly morphed into some kind of tantrumming toddler and I don't know why or how he's developed this behavior. Up until now he only ever cried if he had some specific need like he was tired or hungry or needed a change.

Now he just screams and cries at me for everything all the time: if I put him down when he doesn't want to be put down, pick him up if he doesn't want to stop crawling, take away the electrical cable he wants to chew on, leave the room for a minute, try to make him drink some fluids in this hot weather, anything at all. He is incredibly defiant. He used to go to sleep no problem and self-settle very well, now he just screams as soon as I put him down and I have to keep going in to settle him. Last night he screamed and screamed when I put him down at 7:30pm so I gave in by 8:30pm (after trying 100 different ways to settle him) and took him to sit downstairs while I had dinner and watched a film. By 9:30pm he finally started to cry a little bit from tiredness so I took him up and he went to sleep straight away... only to wake me up screaming the house down at 2:15am and he screamed at me almost nonstop until 4am despite me feeding him, giving him pain relief in case his teeth were hurting, cuddling him (just wriggled away), letting him play, putting him down, picking him up etc etc.

He has had a couple of small colds in the last month and got his two front teeth through recently but although that explains some of the clinginess, he's no longer ill (as far as I know) and in any case, he won't let me cuddle him or sleep next to me in bed or anything so I don't know how to comfort him even if he is ill. I used to let him sleep next to us in bed sometimes when he was upset previously until he was 6 months and got good at rolling.

What do I do now?? He seems absolutely enraged at me most of the time and I don't know why. It's making me dislike him and want to go back to work. He really does deliberately scream too because he will look around to see my reaction when he throws these screaming fits and it reminds me of how a toddler behaves rather than a 9 month old. What is going on with him??? My husband is away on business for 2 weeks too so I'm dealing with this on my own and have no family nearby.

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Original poster

NapaCab · 27/07/2012 16:29

I've also had a really bad flu for three weeks that I can't shake off. I'm on antibiotics now and trying to recover but getting no sleep doesn't help.

OP posts:

JiltedJohnsJulie · 27/07/2012 16:45

If this is a sudden change of behaviour he could quite well be teething or be incubating a bug. Try giving him a painkiller and see if his mood improves.

If he is looking around before screaming, how do you deal with it when he does scream? On the odd time my DS did this we either laughed or said calmly "has that ever got you what you wanted?".

If he tries it again, just leave the room or just ignore him but please stay calm.

We taught DS baby signing and that seemed to help with the frustration, you can get a book on it from most libraries.

If you are on your own, try to arrange meeting up with some friends so that you can get some adult time. Most NCT groups still run in the holidays so maybe you could take him along to one of their sessions.

Original poster

NapaCab · 27/07/2012 16:56

I don't reinforce the behavior in any way as far as I know. Usually, I'll just look at him calmly and say 'that's enough' or just be silent and look at him. Generally, I only react to his screaming in that I'll come back into the room to reassure him if he's screaming in his crib or if he screams when I leave.

I do go out a lot as well but haven't been able to as much as before because I've had the flu for the last month. He's quite a sociable baby and is like an angel when we're out and about. It's only at home that he tantrums and only with me or occasionally DH, which is why I think it might be something to do with boundary testing or separation anxiety since he's at that age but I don't know how to handle it really if it is a developmental issue apart from not reinforcing the behavior. It still doesn't help in terms of coping. If I walk away and leave the room, a tactic I've used before to stay calm, he just screams even more.

It's been a gradual change - escalating up from crying when I would leave the room to get me to come back to now having full on tantrums anytime I do something he doesn't like.

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 27/07/2012 17:06

Haven't got much advice really, you could try reading anything by Dr Tanya Byron like this or this or Toddler Taming. If you think it may be separation anxiety, have a read of this.

Whatever it is, I hope it sorts itself out soon.

Original poster

NapaCab · 27/07/2012 21:08

Thanks, the link on separation anxiety is helpful - I think it is something related to separation anxiety. He seems mentally ahead of himself but physically a bit behind (isn't pulling up yet or standing and only commando crawling) so maybe it's frustration as well.

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MamaBear17 · 27/07/2012 23:26

My DD showed some of these signs whilst comando crawling, once she got good at crawling she settled down really well x

lollystix · 28/07/2012 10:46

9 months really is a clingy age. Mine (ds4) is 9 months - an angel out but a whinge bag at home unless I'm holding him - he's a total barnacle. It will pass. He's a frustrated crawler and I think he doesn't really enjoy being a baby. Ds1 was like that too.

BlablaSos · 28/07/2012 16:52

I wrote a post almost identical to this a couple of months ago. Was told that they can't throw tantrums at this age but I think they can! Mine got a little better once she could crawl well, I'm now waiting for the walking! Im sure they will just grow out of it and it's nothing you are doing wrong.

flamingtoaster · 28/07/2012 17:07

It sounds like frustration. I found that any time my DS was approaching a developmental breakthrough he would get incredibly frustrated. He also threw major tantrums just before his language suddenly developed - these disappeared once he could let us know exactly what he wanted. I wish baby signing had been around when he was small - it would have helped him a lot.

Original poster

NapaCab · 28/07/2012 23:25

Thanks for the responses - it helps to know I'm not the only one! My sense is that he doesn't like being a baby, as you say lollystix, and just wants to be able to do things for himself but can't. He's seems to find it easy to learn non-physical things but gets really stuck with these big physical milestones and they seem to drain his energy and frustrate him. I really do hope he improves as he gets more mobile and less helpless.

I look at 18 month olds and just think I can't wait for him to be that age where he can eat most foods, say some basic words and toddle about to where he wants to go. I know toddlers have their own behavioral challenges too but I think hope he'll be happier overall...just have to find a way to stay sane for the next 9 months!

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soandsosmum · 29/07/2012 08:51

Have you seen the Wonder Weeks book? It gives details on behaviour which may occurr in the run up to a mental developmental leap forward. What you're describing sounds hard work but could be just that. If so, things should change in a week or two and you'll see him doing all sorts of new things.

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