I'm going to count to 3 and then..... what exactly?!

[creativepebble]

We've used the time out step (she ended up running there grinning), but when we're out and about, what then? My dd is 2.5 and I have a nb and she has been really good but it's just the odd occasion when she's tired/hungry that it becomes really difficult.

She threw her fork at me tonight and having had to count to 3 twice this afternoon and then physically remove her from the cafe/garden because she just point blank refused to do what I asked, I shouted; it really hurt! I was bfing at the time so nb was shocked and I felt awful. She went straight to bed, routine out the window but she was fine. Happily playing up there now.

Yesterday in the garden, she threw a space hopper (not unreasonable as dh has played with her this way) but it was a direct hit at her sister. I said not to do it and was firm about not throwing it again or I'll take it away. She said sorry to her then did it again anyway (but not at her sister). She is normally very bright, so why isn't she learning? Or is she just testing me? I do always win but then she repeats the behaviour the next day/hour etc, so in fact, I'm not really winning am I?!

She has a habit of shouting 'let go!' or 'mine!' which she picked up from another child and I hate it and have lost count the number of times I asked/told her to stop saying it and told her what to say instead but she's not getting it...

Seriously though, what do you do? Do you send them to their rooms, take a toy away etc, and are they learning?

Help! I'm running out of parenting skills!

I think it sounds like you are doing fine and just have to stick to your guns! But do you think she is feeling a little pushed out with the new baby and maybe needs a big girl treat if you can catch her in the act of being good??? :)

Thanks for your reply Nigglenaggle - and for your vote of confidence! She has loads of treats and is really prasied every time she does good stuff. She also seems to dote on the new baby, the only time we have had trouble is when I was bfing. If anything, I feel that the new baby is not getting a look in at all and dd1 is getting even more attention!
I think I ought to watch some supernanny again...

Have you tried reading to her while you are BF? Ask her if she would like a story and tell her that you will BF the baby so that she's happy/quiet while you have big girl stories?

Thanks Chipping, no I haven't. I shall do so tomorrow.

I generally cut mine a bit of slack when I know they're acting up because tired/hungry. Otherwise getting to 3 means a timeout or DD (3) loses a marble from her jar. She gets marbles in her jar for especially good behaviour, poos in the loo etc and doesn't like to lose them.

You can't view it as 'winning'. She is testing the fences to make sure they're where she thought they are and sometimes will be naughty to check that you do the same thing. Consistency will eventually produce results!

I know! I know! The answer is, I am going to count to 3 and then.... I am going to do it myself (said in your most stern voice). I know this sounds nuts but toddlers HATE this.

Me: Dd get into bed please.
DD: No. Don't want to.
Me: DD get into bed now or else I will count to three and then (stern voice) I will put you in bed myself.
DD: Ok, ok! Scrambles quickly into bed.

It works with pretty much everything. And it is so super easy to follow through on. Try it!

Sorry you are having a hard time though. I remember this stage well. It does pass...

Natural consequence.

If your not sat properly by the time I get to 3, I'll take your dinner away. (take it away, then give back once sat properly)

If you haven't stopped rolling that car over my newly decorated wall by the time I get to 3, I'll take the cars away.

If you and your brother don't stop arguing over that toy by the time I get to 3, I'll take the toy away.

If you run off like that again, you'll get an automatic 3 and be placed in the buggy.

If you don't calm down and stop messing/screaming/whatever by the time I get to 3, We leave and go straight back home.

Follow through with the consequence each and every time.

Things like getting dressed/brushing teeth/getting jammies on I turn into a game. Fun and encouragement. Quick, can you do it before daddy gets home, let's count the toys as we put them in the box, quick let's pick up the books and pretend we're in a library, quick get your pj's on before the bedtime fairy comes and tickles you to sleep. Etc etc.

Handling toddler when BF newborn. I took my 17month old out to a local bookshop/charity shop while I left few day old baby at home with daddy. Got me and toddler a hour or so time together after the shock of him waking up one morning to realise there was somebody new in the house. Toddler choose some books which I put in a "special basket". The basket only came out when baby needed a feed but I made sure toddler thought I was doing it for him not the baby. "would you like to read a special book X? Come here and cuddle up with me, I'm just going to give baby some milk while we read ok.". I'd let him choose a couple from the box to put in the bag when we where going out for BF sessions out of the house.

Also have snacks available ALL the time. When the dc get grumpy/start misbehaving, it's usually tiredness, hunger or both. Giving them a snack sorts out the hunger and because they need to sit down and rest while they eat, it usually gets them over the tiredness enough until you can get home and let them rest properly.

Oops that's long. These are just things that i've found work for us (after trying a fair few things). Hope some/all of it helps.

I second blameIt's method - I do it all the time and it really does work. Though I'm still waiting for the day when DS will actually do something first time without me having to count...

I think you need to cut her a bit of slack. Even if she does love your new baby she still will be finding her feet in the new family dynamic and therefore testing you. Mine always started being challenging while I was feeding. I think they probably felt left out, watching mummy cuddle and feed. The tip that worked for me was to have something special for the toddler for feed times. A special bag of toys or a treasure basket which only comes out at feed time? A dvd or book which is special? Also as soon as baby went to sleep I would make sure toddler got a cuddle or play.
As for counting I use natural consequences too. I count back from 3 so " please stop throwing toys, I will count back from 3 and then I will take them away 3-2-1" Follow through everytime even if you have to unlatch baby. Good luck

Thanks all; I have been doing what Blameit said but felt a bit cruel at times to actually get her hands and force her into doing whatever it was I asked in the first place (eg pick up the rubbish she just through on the floor in public etc). I'll get a grip of myself.

Yes, she has been having loads of snacks and I've worried that she's had too many and is not eating proper food (even though the snacks are healthy!)

I LOVE the idea of getting a special basket to bring out when I feed nb. Thanks for that. I'll get onto it tomorrow.

She's been so lovely today and I've not had to count to 3 once, so maybe me being firm yesterday helped to reinforce the bounderies a bit more. It's also important that even though she loves her sibling, to be reminded that she is trying to find her feet in the new family dynamic so thanks for that too.

I do wonder if she is spoilt as she has so many toys and massess of attention. But I hope not...