6 year old ds behaviour

[gloriafloria]

Can anyone help me work out whether his behaviour is normal 6 year old development or something else. He has just turned 6 and has a 7.5 year old big sister and they are both hyper and on the go all day. They get on well but she is quite bossy and does try and dictate how their games go but he is able to stick up for himself and they have great fun together. The problem is when he is playing with other children - he shows off being loud and silly, doing crazy stunts and ends up going too far. An example being when we were at the park there was a dirty stinking muddy patch with water and he was the only one who ended up in it thinking he was being funny. Or he'll be the one who picks up the biggest stick and starts waving it around dangerously. Or climbing on the climbing frame he'll be the one hanging upside down doing holding on with one foot. He seems very impulsive and gets an idea in his head and goes head first without thinking about what will happen. His school report said his behaviour was satisfactory but he needs to remember the playground rules so I'm sure he is like this there also. If you saw him you'd think he was really outgoing but he is actually very shy and finds it hard to talk to people he doesn't know so I think he does all this to try and get other kids to like him but I'm sure they just think he's a nut case! He's loving and affectionate and i tell him every day he doesn't need to do this to make friends he just needs to be himself but I find that I have to talk to him about appropriate behaviour every time we go anywhere and it's really bothering me. When it comes to road safety or riding his bike he's quite sensible but today we were watching a parade and he kicked an empty plastic bottle towards loads of people standing nearby thinking it was funny. Each time I tell him it's wrong and I put sanctions in place but is he ever going to learn?? Now I've written it down it sounds trivial but I thought by now he would have more self control or am I expecting too much? Any help much appreciated.

Sounds like a normal 6 year old boy to me.

Your DS sounds like my DD she's 6 as well, she seems to be so much more boisterous than her friends and like you said will always Be the one making the most noise, taking the most risks etc. I feel better now I'm not alone

Thank you, I guess it is normal then. It's just it always seems to be my child that is in trouble when we go anywhere. I told him to stop and grow up the other day but I then felt stupid saying it as he is only 6.

The other thing I forgot to put in my first post is he gets really angry if someone insults him or teases. He can't seem to take a joke if the jokes on him. Fine if it's the other way round! Unlike my dd he can't just walk away and forget it. He will hit out or try and get revenge. He knows it's wrong to hit but sometimes he can't control it. At 6 do you think he should be able to walk away. It's not that often this happens but does concern me as I worry about him carrying on like that as he gets older.

wow, sounds just like my 6 year old son! Sometimes I'm embarrassed by the way he acts and sounds, its almost like he's not quite right in the head! He doesn't seem to think that making silly loud noises or strange gestures at people will put them off being friends with him. today at the beach he wanted to go crabbing, there were other children crabbing there too. But, rather than just be absorbed in what they/were doing, he made baby noises and started putting the fishing net near their faces which made them cross of course. I called him over and said not to do that, then asked him why he did it. He just said I don't know. I gave him a time out for it. He is not very sociable and finds it difficult making friends, but I do wonder if there is something wrong? Its probably me reading to much into it (been a long day)!to the OP : My ds is very affectionate too, and often tells me he loves me throughout the day. Sometimes, if i've had a particularly trying day with him, I go to watch him while he's asleep (when he looks angelic) and looking at him reminds me why I love him so much. Off to have a look now.

Gosh our little ones sound exactly the same.. My DD is really boisterous she gets a bit much for her friends sometimes and ends up gettin frustrated and hitting out or like you say making noises and being completely rude or too rough. I often use the phrase not right in the head lol

Sounds very familiar to me , especially the inability to take a joke. DD used to go ballistic if I laughed at her.

Morning, I did have a long look and a sneaky cuddle with DS last night before going to bed, and tried to rationalise his behaviour. But,,,,,, he got up this morning and said to his older brother who does a paper round. I'm glad that heavy bag hurts your back!!! Rather than be really angry for saying it and starting the day like this, I told him to go to his room and sit on his bed and wait for me. I then calmed down and went and had a chat about not saying spiteful things and the effect that it has on people. It seemed to sink in? well we're see. But why did he say it in the first place, it was so unnecesary! And like others say, my DS is very sensitive to what others say or do to him. He regularly lets people know that he doesn't forgive them if they have accidently hurt him in some way. For example, I tripped over his fishing net yesterday and the end of it lightly scratched his leg, when I apologised, he was angry with me and sulked. I completely ignored it and carried on playing with the others and he eventually came round. It just makes hard work of everything!

Oh milky I do that to when he's sleeping. When he's had a bad day seeing asleep and peaceful does give me the strength and patience to put up with him! I just hope it will sink in one day and he will get some sense.

This is my ds!! He's 8 now but exactly the same.

Milky thats the sort of thing my boy would say about the paper round bag but then he would say "I didn't mean it! Just kidding". But why say it then? Especially as he'd go mad if someone said it to him. I do think it's some deep down self esteem issue with him so I'm trying (withou going insane) over the summer to boost his confidence .

Cod widow, is your ds getting better as he gets older? Please say yes!

Hi Gloriafloria, sometimes my reaction to what ds says or does is not the best, and I am constantly thinking of how I should be with him. Believe me. i've read all types of behavioural books etc, watch super nanny etc, and I pick up tips, try them etc. Its just the constance of it all. I long for a whole day without any issues with him. I really want to enjoy his company and would love it if my older kids enjoyed his company too, but truth be known, they don't! In fact they refuse to take him out without me or dh because 'he shows them up'. They are dreading going on holiday with him because of his naughtiness . I hope that it something that he grows out of,but to be honest he has always been challenging from about 2. I don't want to wish his years away, but i find myself wistfully thinking 'maybe he will be better next year' etc etc! I do hope that your ds improves, and I want you to know that I am here if you need support, I obviously don;t have the answers, but sometimes simply off loading makes a differance. Good luck and chin up .

p.s i should add that my 2 older kids are 18 and 16, they would love to take him to the cinema, shopping, play football etc, but he is like a loose cannon and they are at ages where they are highly embarrased by him.

No sorry in fact I'm finding it harder to excuse his behaviour now. His older brother (9) almost 10 won't play out with him as he's embarrassed by his behaviour.
For instance tonight dh and I are going out tonight and I'm happy to leave all with a babysitter without worry except everytime I panic about how he'll behave.

He's also very loving and tells me he loves me often but his behaviour is just so random and I must admit to thinking he's just not right in the head

Sounds normal to me. I think it's one of those parenting things where you just have to keep on and wait for the day where it sinks in. You know it's normal and you don't need to worry about it, but you can't ignore it and condone it either.

What you can try doing after any given mishap is asking him to come up with an alternative reaction he could have had. You can then build on that and start teaching him coping strategies for handling his behaviour, so that he learns to ask himself "is this a good idea" before he does anything, etc.

He won't get it overnight because he's 6, but within a few years you'll see a big improvement.

I've been trying that with him Dahlen. When I talk to him he has all the answers and knows what's right and wrong but he chooses to do or say the wrong thing most of the time. We've been going to the park a lot and I find I have to 'helicopter' when he's playing with other kids to calm him down when he goes over the top. He has had some good days so I know he can do it.

Thanks milky and codwidow our dc all sound v alike. Maybe they will grow into the most easygoing teenagers after causing us this much grief. Can but hope.

I hope so, spent a day at caldicut castle with 5 boys and my ds was the only one who needed talking too. I also have 3 other ds's who know how to behave, how to queue and how to play 'nicely'. I end up feeling bad as I finish the day feeling as if all I've done is nag him. I always sit him down and ask him why or how did it make others feel and he always answers but then 10 mins later he's doing it again.

I have been watching this thread in hope of some miracle ideas for ds aged 5. We meet up with friends today and he was just so rude to their ds and to me. I have been meeting fire with fire and it's getting us no where so I am trying to be very calm at the moment. No matter what i do his behavious isn't changing at the moment. Same as you COD I feel terrible come the end of the day.

I agree our little darlings are very similar! My only saving grace is that I have 2 older children which were never like my youngest ds, so I tell myself that it can't all be down to my parenting skills being bad . When I talk to my dh about things he acknowledges what ds is like and we both are pretty consistent in our methods of dealing with him, but, he just says he will grow out of it. Thing is I am at the point where I want dates! Or I would like some way of changing his behaviour and not just dealing with it ! Exhaustion is setting in, which makes for a very unhappy mummy, which I feel guilty about that. If anyone has suggestions, apart from reward charts and time out, please give me some ideas.

milky I agree I also have 3 other ds's so I can take comfort that it's not my parenting but what it is I have no idea!