At end of tether! How to do bedtime with toddler and 4mth old?

[herethereandeverywhere]

DD1 is 2.9 and dd2 4mo. I CANNOT do bedtime without either DD1 totally misbehaving and getting to bed far too late or DD2 being left to cry it out whilst I ensure DD1 gets her bedtime routine.

I do bedtime on my own as DH is at work and no relatives locally to help. I've tried putting the baby in a sling/carrier but I can't actually DO anything once she's there! The big bulk of baby in front of me means I can't help DD in or out of bath/pjs and it doesn't help with the crying anyway.

I usually end up with the whole circus taking up to 2 hours, involving disciplining DD1 for not doing as I ask and having DD2 howling in the background.

Help! How on earth do I do it better?

you need one of those little bouncy chairs for dd2.
this is what we have

plop her in it in the bathroom, and bathe dd1 while she watches.
then once dd1 is done and in pjs, quickly do dd2.
you can even ask dd2 to help by "fetching" dd2's nappy/baby grow.

(this is theory, i know the chair will help, but not sure about the other bit)

It will get easier - I promise. Does your baby have a late afternoon nap? Maybe try and do your toddlers bath then (before tea) and then after tea, do winddown, story (while feeding DD2) and bed - may result in toddler going to bed slightly earlier. Or put baby in a bouncer (one with lights and music can help distract them for abit).

When DS2 dropped his late afternoon nap (around 5 months) it got easier as he'd go down around 6.30 so I'd bath them both together, put charlie and lola dvd on for Ds1 and feed DS2 and put him in cot, then do stories and teeth with DS1 and put him down for 7.20.

Drop the daily evening bath, they don't need one every day anyway. Do the bath either in the morning or day if DD1 not at nursery or straight after tea if she is.

How long does the baby take to get to sleep/settle? If only ten minutes or so put cbeeebies on for DD1 while you get the baby to sleep.

Have you got a bouncy chair for dd2? I have a 3 year old dd and a 5 month old dd.

What I do is get the changing mat and everything I need for baby in the bathroom.

Then I get dd1 in the bath and get baby undressed and dip her in for a bit whilst dd1 is playing.

Then I get her out and changed and either feed her while dd1 plays for a bit longer or put her in the bouncy chair while I brush dd1's teeth and get her out.

DD1 walks to bedroom and I bring dd2 with the bouncy chair or now she has moved into dd1's bedroom she goes in the cot with her mobile.

Quickly dry and get dd1 in pyjamas, she chooses books. I sit on her bed and read her stories whilst feeding dd2.

Put dd2 in cot either asleep or awake once fed with mobile.

Give dd1 cuddle and kiss goodnight and put on audio book/lightshow for her.

Might have to feed dd2 again depending on whether she is settling.

Hope that helps x

my dcs 1+2 had this age gap and dh worked lates so i remember this well.

ds1 had a bath every night but i found this was just not possible with dd so she had 1 every other night. i used to sit in with both dcs and wash them together. it gets easier at about 6 months when they can sit. i theb used to sit on ds bed and feed dd whilst reading to ds or put a dvd on.

Do you have a btw chair likethis? I found it invaluable when my boys were smaller (same age gap as your DDS). DS2 could sit it in with supervision by about 4 months. Means you can bathe them together which I found easier than sling/seat for the baby.

I now have a 5mo DD and find bedtime the challenge, end up carrying her around while chasings boys upstairs...!

HTH.

Thanks for all the responses and apologies for posting and running yesterday - I had a hectic day!

We do have a bouncy chair but DD2 tends to just cry in it. I think I need to get more structured with a routine for DD2, I've just been feeding and letting her sleep as and when. She always sleeps through for mine and DHs bedtime so I haven't rushed to change it.

Will try the suggestions and report back on progress. Cheers!

I remember this so well- my 2 dc have 16 months between them. It definitely does get easier- but I think you do just end up muddling through on a day to day basis. I was the same, dh worked away. Once baby sleeps through the night I found it best for them to share a room, story songs etc together before sleep.
You end up exhausted, so I used to have one night a week where I would go for a drive in the car for them to drop off and carry them, asleep to bed and have one quiet evening for my sanity. I never did it more than once a week, so I was still promoting a more normal bedtime routine, but it is BLOODY hard work and you need some energy and sanity left to deal with a baby and toddler. You have to just grin when people with 1 dc or a dh who is home for 6pm every night tell you about their perfect routines- that's just not real life for many of us. And FWIW my kids re 5 and 3.5 now and brilliant at bedtime story together, into their own beds and asleep. You'll get there :)

I bathed my two (eighteen months apart) together, then dressed DC2 while watching DC1 in the bath (took everything I needed into the bathroom). Then put DC2 in DC1's bedroom on a playmat for a second while I grabbed DC1, changed her into PJs in her room while DC2 played on mat/sat in rubber ring thing. Then carried DC2 downstairs with DC1 following. Had bottles, ran DC2 up to bed once he started going to bed at the same time as DC1, then took DC1 up afterwards so I could read to her. Before this I popped him in the rubber ring/bouncy chair/jumperoo downstairs when he was still going to bed with me, and ran DC1 up to an abbeviated bedtime. DC1 doesn't really have a routine other than into bed at 8.30 with lights off and door shut and she's allowed to play until she's tired. DC2 has always just gone down, so bedtime doesn't take very long with us. We are considering putting them into the same room so that they can play together in the morning, but this would involve buying new beds or having them sleep in the same one, as DC1 currently has a double, which feels a bit victorian...

I'm in the same position and have roped in the 16 yr old who lives across the road & finished her GCSE's about a month ago. She comes three evenings week from 6pm - 7pm (16 minutes until she arrives!) and helps with bathtime, bedtime, putting toys away & random other bits & bobs. I pay her £4.50 an hour and its so worth it. DP tries to come home in bathtime on a Friday which means I only have to do one by myself which I can just about cope with especially if I don't bother to bath DC1 that night!

I have a 6 month old boy and a 2;9 yo daughter. I only bathe them every 2nd or 3rd night.
If I'm bathing, I run the bath and pop the wee one it for a quick dip while the older one goes on the potty and undresses. Then I whip the baby out and put toddler in. Change the baby on a mat on the floor while toddler plays in the bath. Then when I've washed her hair etc we all go through to toddler's room and baby plays on the bed while I get toddler dressed. We all then go into baby's room and toddler brings either a quiet toy or a book and sits beside me while I feed baby. She likes to copy what I do and often breastfeeds her teddy/ dolly. We make silly faces to each other in the silence and she seems to find it quite fun. Then I put baby down and take toddler to bed. It is hard hard work keeping everything going, and it has only got easier this last month or two. When baby was a bit less predictable and a bit colicy, every night was an adventure. Daddy comes home just after 7 so some nights I would just keep them both going and wait until he came through the door and could take toddler off my hands! Good luck.

Similar situation here except kids now older at 3.5 and 17 mos - I had a bath every night with them both (or just dipped little one in), then settled DS in his room with quiet toys (farmyard set), fuzzy felt book, or rare occasion dvd on my laptop while I put DD down in my room. Then went back to DS for book, song, cuddle. Took forever though especially as DD got older. And many nights DS would get bored and run in and ruin everything! Now I'm working on getting them both down at the same time in the same room. DC3 due in 6 weeks so really need this to work! Good luck!

We have dd's the same age.

Dd1 has dinner at 6 pm usually. I give dd2 a bottle at that time too. I stop her when she has about 2 ounces left in the bottle. Dd1 will have finished her dinner by about 6.30. I then whisk baby upstairs and into the bath. Dd1 stays down stairs glued to Ben & Holly's little kingdom. Dd1 is bathed and dressed in about 15 min. I then quickly give her the last of her bottle which sends her off to sleep. Once she is down, I top the bath up for dd1 who comes upstairs for her bath, and then into her room for stories and bed.

It works most nights but I will admit that it its much nicer when DH makes it home on time and can do dd1's bath and bedtime.

I like Murtette's advice. I paid someone a tenner occasionally to come and help me out. I found her through a babysitting ad in a local cafe and she lived on my road and happily popped in on her way back from work to jiggle the baby and keep me sane. I also found it useful to start the bedtime routine extremely early and to give a flannel wash rather than a bath every other day.
It does get better when your youngest can go a bit longer between feeds, but i'll never forget the horrors of bathtime with a newborn, a screaming toddler and hideous stitches. I really feel for any other mother going through it.

I've lurked and I've learned! Must get organised asap ...