At what age do you have "the talk"

[sweetkitty]

DD1 has just turned 8, I think we should have the classic birds and bees talk soon. DP thinks she's too young, I suppose he thinks she's a little girl and she's loosing a bit of her innocence.

She knows babies come from a special passage in your girls bits (her words) and has seen a few births on the tv. She knows the Daddy gives the Mummy a seed to make a baby but thinks the Mummy eats it and gets a baby in her tummy.

I think she's old enough now, she's quite an innocent wee thing, I knew about sex from about 6, I used to read Dear Deirdre and found some pornos.

I don't want her starting to hear things in the playground, I have a book already I want to tell her the facts myself.

So what age???

My DC are 8 and 6 and I have never done a big talk with them - just answered things as they've asked. DS who's 8 seems to understand the mechanics part of sex I think and after he suggested XH and I must have done that twice I did give a vague explanation of the recreational aspects . DD who's 6 does understand I think although I will obviously keep talking to them both about it as it arises. I am pretty useless for practical demonstration of periods as I have a coil and no periods but I do mention them sometimes so the general idea of it for DD doesn't seem too alien.

I have never officially had 'the talk with d's 10 until dd 7 asked where babies come from this weekend.
I decided to give her as much detail as she asked for, ds then joined in and brought out his 'book'. We all had a look at it and went through the names of body parts.
Ds was very embarrassed, dd was fine. We got as far and as simple as a man puts his bits in a lady, along with reading the book, seemed to settle dd curiosity.
I agree it is much better coming from you and was much less embarrassing for younger dd.

I just want to make it, this is how you make babies, make it relaxed and just a natural talk, the thing is her sister is only 18 months younger than she is and in some ways developmentally ahead in that she's very clever. If DD1 knows, DD2 will know and whilst DD1 will probably just take what I say and be happy, DD2 will want to know everything.

I wouldn't feel there was any problem with DD2 knowing about sex and I also don't think you should not tell DD1 because DD2 would also find out IYSWIM.

Now would be about right but you don't have to make it into a big "talk". Can't you just give her little snippets of info as she asks about them? Or is she not asking?

I was against all this nonsense about the daddy giving the mummy a special seed - made me VERY confused when my mum decided to use that as an explanation and I just didn't buy it! So I have just been totally frank with mine telling them casually about stuff as it comes up. Only recently started using the correct term for "vagina" though. Prior to that I just said girls and ladies have an extra hole at the front etc etc.

Actually I ended up chatting to my 8 yr old ds about puberty tonight at bedtime. Not sure how it came up, think it was something to do with him showing off his (non-existent) muscles! So I started saying that they'd get bigger properly when he started going through puberty so we had a chat about that. Just casually, it wasnt a Big Deal. I will leave the explanation about wet dreams and unwanted erections till he's a bit older though, he doesn't need to know about them yet!

Maybe offer her to show her the book if she wants more details of stuff as you chat? I would have hated to have had my mum sit me down out of the blue with a book and say "we are going to talk about this now". But that's just me.

I told DS when he started reception at 5, we used 'Where willy went' which is perfect for small people. I figured it was better than him finding out silly stories from school. And less embarrassing for both of us and I only giggled at the book a couple of times.

She was having a good old look at me in the shower the other day and I started talking about how when I was 10 my boobs started growing then I got hair down there, I was telling her about how your body changes to get ready for having babies, she asked if she could get pregnant.

DD2 will probably know already and tell me how fish do it or something!

I don't get the loss of innocence thing. It's just biology. Another function of the human body in the same way as digestion. My DC knew the mechanics of it all from about the age of 4. If they were old enough to ask, they were old enough to get an age-appropriate answer, and as time went on the initial answers were expanded until they had a firm grasp of it.

IMO the ideal is that they know how it all works mechanically quite young, so that once they get a bit older you can concentrate on the much-neglected emotional and psychological side of it.

Depends on the child. Mine don't know the mechanics, cos they haven't asked. When they do, i'll say. I just worry they won't ask at all!

I have never had the 'talk' with my children, they are 14, 10 and 7 - but I have honestly answered any questions that they have asked me with regards to the birds and the bees. I feel that, rather than sitting them down and initialting the 'talk' and filling their heads with things that may not of even entered their heads, they know that if there is anything that they WANT to know - then I will happily, and honestly, answer them.

Yes, Dahlen has it spot on IMO. Do the mechanics first then deal with the emotions bit by bit as they grow up.

I don't understand the loosing of innocence thing, I don't understand it at all?

TBH I don't believe in "the talk", I believe in lots of talks from an early age, with more detail as they ask more detailed questions as they get older

8 is IMO very old to first hear the proper scientific explanation of where babies come from, so I'ld avoid fluff, and just be scientific and factual. I would have corrected her long ago about the eating the seed thing, but suppose its done and there's still time to get in there and give her facts

Can I ask, when you are talking about having the talk, do you mean telling your dcs that daddy puts his willy into mummy's vagina?
Or that daddy gives his sperm, mummy has an egg. sperm meats the egg and you get a baby that grows in the uterus in mummy's tummy?

I have done the second part, a long time ago.
But the first part makes me more uneasy.

I found 'Mummy lays an egg' helpful. We said special cuddle for a long time, but then dd (7) asked what that involved a few weeks ago and I covered the basics.
I reminded ds1 of all of that last week because he was having a film at school, I knew he wasn't interested but I didn't want him to get a shock, so I reminded him and he then asked a few questions about some ill informed things his friends had been saying at school-he's 10.

Aged 7, my DS asked me what menopause was. He already knew the mechanics of how babies are made, how they get there and how they get out (2 older sisters) so I thought I'd link in a bit about puberty. Told him the basics of menopause and then described what happens to boys and girls at puberty. I ended with the comment that "this of course means that they can have..." and left him to finish the sentence.

Deep thought...

Lightbulb moment...

"CREDIT CARDS!"

Bright boy

I can't remember where I saw it but isn't there some correlation between younger sex ed and fewer teen pregnancies? I never had a talk as such, I just answered my daughters questions honestly. She began to ask about aged 3 or 4 if my memory serves. I told her Daddy and Mummy did a sort of special naked cuddle/dance. She asked if it was like magic, so I said that was probably a good way of understanding it.

Yes the basic willy in vagina bit, she's not asked for a while the next time she does I'll tell her.

Can't help with how to approach the talk because my dd is only 2. I wanted to chip in reasons to those who said to wait until asked. I was a shy child and didn't ask my parents anything about sex as it was so embarrassing. In fact i was too embarraesd to tell dm i had started my period and tried to hide it. Dm later tells me she had been waiting for me to ask as that's what se did with my older sister but dis is very outgoing.

just saying, they may never ask but they do need to know