14 month old suddenly scared of bed

[LivingCarpet]

Hi,

This is my first post on here. I'm worried about our 14 month old daughter who until very recently has been a model sleeper on the majority of nights. But now she has suddenly started crying when she is taken into the bedroom at sleeptime. She screams blue murder if she is put down in her cot and to me it sounds very much like a very scared baby that perhaps has suddenly realised she is a separate person to her Mum.

Her Mum is quite keen on the controlled crying thing but to me it seems really horrible and cruel. Clearly our daughter is in distress and has never before been "abandoned" and we actually have rows about it.

I managed some success by sitting with her, pretending I was going to sleep and resetting the lullaby alarm everytime it ran out. I managed to get her off within 20 minutes after she eventually got the message that I wasn't going to let her crawl out of the cot.

But the problem is that I'm not there on weeknights so Mum is there on her own and she doesn't seem to be able to do the technique I tried.

Does anyone know

a) Why a toddler might suddenly start "fearing" her bed, is it a common developmental stage?

b) Are there any other methods that might work better?

Any help would be gratefully received as it really upsets me to think she is being left to cry.

Neil.

Not sure if I have an answer for you but bumping to see if it helps...though actually just re-read - if your mother puts her down for naps/sleep has anything happened (ie she tried controlled crying) that you don't know about. Tricky question to ask maybe but maybe worth broaching

It may well be separation anxiety - there is a gradual withdrawal method - similar to what you did - sit by cot the first few nights until they fall asleep, gradually get further away each night until eventually you can get out of the door. I remember sitting reading a novel on the threshold of DS bedroom when he was a similar age.

Good luck - hope some better help comes along soon.

Hi,

I didn't have the heart to do proper controlled crying but this is what worked for us. It's still a bit mean but I certainly felt better about being in the room with her:

Have a chair next to the cot
Usual milk/story/settle her down
If she stands up and cries, sit back down on the chair like a statue - don't engage with her at all - no words, no eye contact.
The second she flops down (and she will if she's tired) get up and comfort her, stroke her hair, rub her back, say night night, or whatever it is you usually do.
Repeat and repeat and repeat getting up and down like a yoyo (and you really must be very consistent) until eventually she gets the message that she doesn't get rewarded for crying/standing up and she only gets your attention when she's horizontal. And just being horizontal should be enough to send her off, eventually.

We did this for a week when DD must've been about 9/10 months. First night took about 40 mins, second night 20, third night even less and by the fourth night we'd really cracked it.

Hope that helps? Good luck!

Hi,

I posted a similar topic last night, DS 11m same problem.
Take a look, one reply inparticular about 'seperation anxiety' really helped.

Hope this helps

My DD is 16 months and we do CC. We go through good stages when she plays quietly and dozes off and bad stages when she can really scream. She can certainly make more noise these days!

There is a sleep regression (look up wonderweeks) at around this point so it may be due to a developmental leap.

However, you and your DP need to find a way to tackle this together. Your DD may be getting mixed messages at bedtime if one of you does it differently to another.

Friends of ours went through a similar bad patch recently and found using a pillow with a picture pillowcase helped as it distracted him.

Sorry, not overly helpful but these are things that spring to mind.