Please help me manage my potty training expectations!

[lisbapalea]

Have also put this in the potty training section but thought I'd try here too as there seems to be more 'traffic'!

I started potty training my DD (2.4) last Thursday after she had been showing all the 'right' signs in terms of awareness of what she's doing and when, and wanting to be changed immediately she's done something, taking her own nappy off, getting in and out of her trousers etc. She'd also had quite a few ad hoc successes with the potty before bathtime, or when we let her run around naked in the brief summer spells! So the signs were definitely all there, I thought.

So Thursday was interesting - we started in the afternoon and I think we got one big wee in the potty and a few dribbles on the floor. Friday was pretty much the same, probably 3 big wees in the potty in total and quite a few other accidents (little dribbles as well as bigger wees), no poos.

Saturday morning was great - 2 poos in the potty and 3 wees, and just a couple of accidents. BUT, on Saturday morning we had pretty much abandoned pants and let her run around in the nude.

Since Saturday lunchtime we have had ZERO potty action, just accidents in pants, in the nude, everywhere.

Any success has been hugely praised with stickers and even choc buttons, as well as lots of kisses, applause and calling friends and family to update them on potty contents!

But despite this she seems to be entirely bored of the whole thing and is almost deliberately ignoring any mention of the potty, often getting really cross if we do raise the subject.

This morning she did agree to sit on the potty every morning and before bathtime, I sort of linked it into toothbrushing, and that seemed to go down OK, so at least she sat on it again, but did nothing.

I dropped her off at nursery this morning and am so worried that she'll just be pooing and weeing everywhere (I gave them 5 changes of clothing for her). But I'm hoping the influence of her peers (many of which are trained or training), will help her along, and seeing as she is usually a complete angel at nursery and a PITA for me, I hoped they might have better luck?

Sorry this has got so long - just wanted to get it all down! So my question is, am I way off the mark with entertaining potty training now, bearing in mind she seemed to get it so well on Saturday? Or should I just forget about it?

I know I am getting anxious about this which she is no doubt picking up on, so I just need some advice to help me manage my expectations of potty training!

Any advice welcome.

Thanks.

Sounds like hard work, not looking forward to it!
Sorry, no advice though.

Up to you.
You could put her back in nappies and try again when she is older - it will probably be easier then and you are likely to have more accidents.
Or persevere and realise you will have a lot of accidents. At least it's summer and she can be earing less clothes.
She is still quite young - I know a lot are trained by this age but an awful lot aren't too and ignore ignore ignore everyone else's children, it's not a competition.

Just recently started potty training DD who is 2.5' she showed same signs as your daughter and is willing to sit on a toliet or potty as she watches her older brother do. For two weeks all wees and poos in potty, but only as I prompted a lot and took her to toilets several times when we were out.

Week three and I began to back off a bit and leave her to manage herself a bit more ie get herself to the potty, worked for poos but resulted in a wee fest where she didn't make it or didn't bother trying to get to potty. Made a hard decision that she wasn't ready ie to me potty training is about her anticipating a wee and getting to the potty or at least telling me I need a wee. Don't know if this was the right decision but have put her back in nappies and will try again in September.

I started potty training DS too early and second time round don't feel any pressure to push it with DD. Good luck

OP it's early days for you. Our first week was an unmitigated nightmare. Wees if asked in potty, poos in pants, random wees everywhere. By 2 weeks DS was mostly clean and dry. He is also 2.4 (2.3 when we started). What really helped was nursery and my mum taking him off my hands for a day each, them praising DS's and my success and hearing from them that he was on the right track. 5 weeks on he is pretty reliable, though still in nappies for naps and over night. I suggest you give yourselves another week if you can bear it.

I do agree with the other poster she may be a bit young. I did'nt start with DD ubtil she was 2.9 even though she was showing signes for months before.

I dont know if it will be any help but I can tell you what i did.

My first few days ran a bit like yours, then she also got fed up. Like you l used lots of prise, treats etc. Phoning granny or daddy to tell of all jobs well done.

When she started having accidents I was running to clean her up and clean the floor etc saying things like "it's OK, better luck next time" etc. she seemed to enjoy the fuss. One day I just stopped, she had a poo accident and came to get cleaned up I just said no and make myself busy with other things. She became very upset, crying and apologising. I told her I would help when I had my other jobs done and left her in it for a good 5 mins. She never pooed her pants again.

Keeping her dry was harder. It took a few weeks, I noticed she would always need the bathroom about 15 mins after a meal or a drink which worked well. But there was still the odd accident. I talked alot about "baby" nappies which horrified her as she is a "big" girl now, also I would hop from foot to foot when I needed the bathroom saying "quick quick mummy is going to have an accident" which she loved.

I think it really is persevering and being in the right frame of mind. Taking spare clothes everywhere, Bed mats on beds and on car seat.

Also for what it's worth neither of mine liked the potty and would use it. I had a toilet seat with a ladder attached from argos which they loved. Good luck OP.

An update - she had 6 accidents at nursery but apparently did 3 wees in the potty/loo. They said the record for accidents is 12 in a day so they didn't seem too fussed. It's good to hear she was asking for the potty/loo but was just not quite making it on time.

And she also sat on the loo and the potty willingly at home (no results for either but I think the fact she showed willing is an improvement).

We've spent the evening washing manky clothes so we have enough spares tomorrow - when I picked her up she was dressed in a pirate outfit from the dressing up box as she'd weed and pooed all over her own stuff! The sight of her dressed like that helped mee to feel a bit more light-hearted about it all!

Thanks for all your advice - it's really reassuring.

No advice but I just wanted to say that we've been potty-training 2.11 yo DD3 (note the use of the progressive present tense) since February (she had been showing "all the right signs" for months but we'd been putting it off too traumatised by potty training her 3 older siblings. At nursery on a good day she has 2 accidents. At home on a good day she has 5-6 accidents. On a bad day at nursery she will come home with 5-6 pairs of wet and/or dirty pants and can wet/poo her pants every 10 mn at home. Everybody I knew when DS was small looked at me pityingly as though I had to be doing something wrong, as he wasn't really dry or clean by 3.5 even. The older girls were still routinely wetting their pants at 5/6/7 yo.

Now I just think that some children have just less well-developed neural pathways in that area. It still majorly fecks me off when people imply that because their child was dry in a week at 18/24/27 mo and hasn't had an accident since that I must therefore be doing something wrong. actually I feel like punching them. In 19 years of having children I have only ever met one other child who had worse problems with toileting than my children. Hang in there, it does get better.

I started my own thread in the potty training section recently. We started potty training DS for the second time (first time failed) on Saturday just over a week ago. No wees on the potty at home as yet, though I think they've managed to get a couple at nursery. He has a tremendous capacity to hold it in if he's determined not to go! Which is not good if taken too far. Oh, and we found out on Saurday that Mr Whippy icecream doesn't particularly agree with him - that pair of pants got binned, and the trousers almost did as well. Fun and games...

Oh, and the only bit of advice I have really is talk to the nursery staff, they may be able to reassure you as they have seen so many children go though this!

CharlotteWasBoth I have also been thinking she might not be ready but nursery this morning sounded quite confident about it, and said she was doing the same as lots of the other children there, who get very distracted with their play / songs / games etc, so have accidents as they don't notice they need to go until it's too late, so I feel I should keep trying a bit longer.

She also had a totally dry nappy this morning when she woke up and then did an enormous wee on the potty once I'd taken the nappy off, so I do think she's aware of what needs to be done.

I think we seem to have coincided potty training with a brand new phase of stubbornness and independence and she's just resisting doing anything unless it's on her terms!

I am going to give it to the weekend and if we're still have multiple accidents I will go back to nappies for another few months.

Hi again,

So the latest report from nursery is another pretty unsuccessful day. I think she's either not ready or has just very quickly got bored and a bit stressed out by this potty business.

I therefore think we will go back to nappies for a while but wondered what the best approach is for "going back" as I don't want DD to get confused.

Do I still keep the potty visible so she knows it's there if she asks for it? What should I tell her? Do I get rid of the sticker chart? And how long do we take a break for?

Lots of questions - sorry! As always, any advice will be appreciated!

I would keep the potty visable and personally I would use pull ups so if she want to use the potty its easy
I wouldn't keep for the sticker chart - probably a bit young for a sticker chart in my view

• if you like books one I really recommend is No cry potty training solution going to train DS2 in a few weeks!