I want to spend the least time as possible with DS1 who is six and horrible

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Honestly, I plan to do so much but he spoils it. His growling face, his attitude and just plain horrible to me.

I have nearly strangled him already. His cheek, backchat and attitude stinks. I plan little things to do but I threaten him and we end up not going which also spoils my weekend and DS2s.

Why do I bother? OH is away at moment (but then hardly ever here). I had planned a nice lunch out and take the bikes out but why should I for this horrible child.

This is one of the reasons why I refuse to take them out on my own now, it ends up being hell and spoils it for me.

How can such a lovely baby and pre-schooler become so evil over the last 2 years?

Such a lovely loving home, roaming countryside, toys, great health.....I'm exhausted by being surrounded by such a horror and is making me very misable!

Maybe he playing up because he feels all the negative vibes from u

It's hard. It's probably just a phase. Relentless positivity is the usual solution, but I would put him to bed at every moan, as "only tired boys are horrible". But do check his general health, and look at general family relationships too.

Is he confused about why his dad is away so much? He maybe feels rejected and then rejects you and then you two get stuck in an awful cycle?

I know you will think this suggestion odd, but can you spend time with just him? Dont tell him the plans. Just go out and do something. You might find that he just wants some undivided attention.

Children are very rarely horrible for the sake of it. Its usually (IME) a sign that they are worrying about something.

Also, maybe some time away from the kids for you would help. Even an hour or two shopping while a friend or family mind them? I know this isnt always possible but you do sound very stressed.

If you're not doing something becasue of his behaviour, make sure he knows that.

In fact turn it round and tell him you're planning X, but if he behaves badly it won't happen. Then ride out the inevitable tantrum. Don't let him get away with bad temper, scowls and attitude. Pick him up every single time. You'll feel you're not getting anywhere, but like water dripping on a stone, you'll wear him into a well-behaved boy in the end.

is he struggling with your OH being away? ds is only 20 months but already I can see the difference in his behaviour when his dad is away. maybe have a think about whether there is anything you can do to help with that?

can you get a friend round to help when you go on trips out? I have done this with my friend (a single mum) quite a few times, much easier to manage even a simple trip out if there's two of you. Make sure its someone who will be understanding about the ways of small boys though...

Maybe he is missing his daddy too? It sounds as if he often isn't there, is there anything that can be done about it, or more you can do to acknowledge his father's importance. Maybe 10 min skype in the evening. Also maybe you need to find some alternative strategies other than 'we won't go', as you say that means everyone is stuck at home getting on each other's nerves. Maybe 'we are going out, but only the good boys will have ice cream' or some other minor reward. Then have a three strikes and you're out approach, so 'that behaviour attitude is not acceptable, you will have one more warning but after that no ice cream' then 'that behaviour is not acceptable, this is the second time I have had to speak to you about your behaviour, there will be no more chances, if you misbehave again then no reward' and finally 'your behaviour is again unacceptable so no treat for you, what would you like ds2?'

The other thing that I do sometimes is go out first thing before the behaviour has escallated. It does sound though as if he needs some one on one time with your dh, as indeed does ds2 as he is being good. My children really miss it if they don't get to play with dh.

Maybe send them out in the garden, or set them a challenge? One day in the holidays I'm going to get all of their lego together and challenge them to build the most fantastic creation together. While they are doing that have a cuppa or a glass of wine and try to calm down a bit. If they have been good, maybe they can go for a walk, scoot, or a treasure hunt later?

My Sister used to have him alot and has also picked up on his 'mood' my MIL tip toes around him too much.

I start the day so positive with plans and ideas but it all falls apart. Even with OH a day out can become hardwork and tiresome.

There are no health problems in family and we have a 'norm' happy family. However, my MIL said OH was similar at his age.

It undermines me with his scowls and over-riding attitude. He has no worries or stress, in school he's fine, he socialises very well. His pictures are happy.

Its weired he's like a teenager but none of my friends suffer from this hence they seem to have ordinary days out without a hitch.

He's actually gone to bed now and fast asleep! He is a big slim boy (good home cooked food) he goes to bed around 8ish and sleep flat out (never wakes up) and is up around 7am but I have noticed his tiredness and wonder if there are some issues there?

Yes, there are some good tips here. Perhaps take him out first thing and dont tell him the plan is better.

All I want is a good happy relationship but its come to a point when its all too much for me. Nothing has changed to cause this.

It could just be the end of term, but my children of that age rarely sleep in the day unless in the car or ill. You do need a firm but consistant manner with him, if you say three chances, then three chances he gets, and you, dh and anyone else who is caring for him needs to stick to it so he doesn't play one against the other. Don't be so sure that every other 6 year old is perfect at home or when out, parents may just handle or frame it differently. Hope you and ds2 have a bit of time to relax and regroup and maybe plan something entertaining, but not as much fun as going out with bikes to do together once he has woken up.

He is sleeping a lot for his age.
And deep sleep too,so he needs a lot of rest.
Might he be trying to sabotage days out because he is tired during the day too.

Yes we often have to drag dd1 out, but once out she has fun. It might be worth talking to the dr if he is more sleepy than usual. If he has just broken up from school give him a week or so of quieter days and if still very tierd go and see dr.

He sounds very similar to my DD. I try to make as much use of mornings as I can. I'm less worn down and she hasn't had as much time to get it wrong before we go out.

One really awful day when I was stomping back to the car screaming that I'd had enough, I had an epiphany, I was allowing her to control the entire family! I turned around, forced a smile and told her that I was not going to allow her behaviour to dictate when we all went home. We went on to have a really good day that would have been missed if I'd let my temper get the better of me.

It's not always so easy to ignore, but I try as best I can.

Could you speak to your GP about the tiredness and the moods? I have anaemia which leaves me very tired and very irritable. My diet is really good, I just don't absorb iron like many people do.

I was just about to come back and explain what I meant about not tellig him the plan but I see upthread they have said the same.

It does sound a bit like he could be trying to control the days plans by acting up so you dont go out. There could be lots of reasons for this. If you dont tell him them, or dont use them as the punishment for his behaviour you will be regaining that control.

If he suffers from inexplicable exhaustion and bad temper for no reason at all it could mean wheat intolerance. As tiredness says. DH is the same and becomes much nicer when 'off' wheat. you can give rye bread (sainsbos and waitrose do it) and or rice and GF or corn and rice pasta.