Ways to cope with a challenging (but probably normal!) 6 yr old boy please......

[whizzylala]

hello all,
sorry it's long.
I could do with any help and suggestions for helping to manage my DS1 who is 6. Summer looms and the reality of all day everyday has kicked in. He is a very full on child, the middle of three and demands attention pretty much all day long. He either does this by entertaining us with shows, bike stunts or similar which of course is lovely or by just being there, all the time saying "Mummy" "Mummy" and NEVER just doing his own thing. He constantly makes noise, if he is not talking continuously then he is tapping or banging, he breaks things ALL the time, draws on things, ruins siblings possessions, is rude to me, moaning and so on. I don't think he breaks things in a malicious way, just has to be being physical and seeing what happens if ...... If he does do something by himself for a few minutes then it always involves moving the furniture around to make an invention of some sort so there is a big clear to be done afterwards..... It is SO draining. His little bro is 16 months and he was like this before he came along, I even used to have a reward chart for spending 5 minutes playing independently.
To the outsider he is a true charmer who everyone thinks is great, they have no idea how exhausting and emotionally draining living with him is. By the way he is fine at school, middle of the road, well behaved and liked by all :). How different they can be when needed!
At the moment I feel as though there is a lot of negativity towards him at home, it seems hard to break the cycle of telling him off and reinforce the good bits, seems to be a spiral everyday and it really does get me down. Of course I love him dearly but I just wish he wasnt so demanding of me all the time so I could enjoy him more. DH seems to be constantly putting him on the mat, I don't think it makes the slightest bit of difference to his behaviour though, more of a bit of breathing space for all.
Not really sure what help anyone can offer but good to get it down anyway.
Thanks.
Whizz

No advice im afriaid but just some tea and sympathy because my ds is the same age and is exactly the same.

he drives me absolutely mad and im sad to say somedays i just count down till his bedtime because i dont want to be with him anymore :(

all im trying to do is focus on the positive, i really do think its an attention seeking thing so i just try to ignore silly or naughty behaviour and make a big fuss of the good. otherwise i would just spend the whole time telling him off and its just such a negative frame of mind for both of us.

im sure its just a phase...it ends....right....
hopefully someone will be along in a while to confirm it does end.

good luck and you are not alone

Whizzy - are you able to take him out and give him an hours running about? Do you have a park nearby? If you can shake a few beans out of him, maybe a quiet time in front of the tv or a dvd?

What about asking a friend over? That should occupy him for a bit, and then (if you choose friend carefully - ) he'll get an invitation back to play... which give you time in the house without him. Multiply that with a few more friends and its even better. Win, Win, I say.

Keep up with the star chart or similar. Just make sure the rewards are JUST what he wants.

However, I do sympathise!

Oh, yes. It does end.

DS now 14 and has left house for the day to go mountain biking.

And do you know what? I'd actually like to see more of him!

When my son was 5 or 6 we sat down as a family and came up with a list of house rules. Even though my son couldn't write much by then he really engaged in it. We put it up on the kitchen wall for him to refer to. Because he responded to it was have developed it much more, if we have a behaviour we want to encourage we draw pictures of the behaviour and then also pictures of what we will get as a reward it he does it.
Sticker charts work really well, but the reward needs to be changed regularly otherwise the child loses interest. We make good behaviour a sort of challenge for him.
At the beginning of the day or week we tell my son what is going to happen, and what we want him to do that day. We let him know when it's time to play, when it's time to be quiet etc. We guide him a lot!
My son also needs constant attention, except when he's playing on the computer. We give computer time as rewards for good behaviour and then we are all happy!
I do this because my son has ADHD and ASD but don't be put off by that though, behaviour is behaviour no matter what the cause and children often respond the same way.

Thanks. Mad4 I'm so with you there, the end of the day thing, sadly now he doesn't go to sleep then anymore though and keeps getting up. It is so horrible feeling as though you want them to just go away at times. LIFG thanks for sharing your methods, will implement the computer for good behaviour I think, he also does do that on his own. Blue2 yes, outdoors with him as much as possible, he is definitely better when doing physical activity but we have to fit in with the other two too. I shall brace myself for the next few weeks :)
Whizz

Could you afford a few mornings at an activity/holiday club. Ds3 (6) goes to one when I'm working and I often put him there for a couple of days when I'm off as he enjoys the company of boys his age. It would give you a break.