Ds1 (2.11) frightened of my friend's ds (3.5)

[MrTumblesCrackWhore]

I'm at a bit of a loss as to what to do about this. My friend has just moved very close to where we live with her two dcs.

Our two ds have always clashed a bit personality wise but generally got on reasonably well up until now. Since she has moved, we obviously see each other alot now but my ds has started to strongly dislike my friend's ds, to the point of saying he is scared of him. I've also noticed ds's behaviour modifying around my friend's ds - he becomes very quiet, self conscious and sometimes clingy and upset.

Both boys are quite challenging in different ways. My friend's ds is very assertive and strong willed, and being only three, has said some unpleasant things to my ds. Now my ds is no angel by any means and is going through his own challenging phase but whilst the other boy continues to want to see and play with my ds, my ds is getting more and more stressed out by these encounters, to the point of me thinking I might have to stop seeing my friend so much. This would be a real shame as our dd babies are the same age, and our friendship is getting closer. Before she moved close by, I didn't know her so well and although we are closer, I still dont know how she would react if I told her my worries.

She is s very calm, relaxed person but, when it comes to some issue with your own child, you never know how people might react. I don't want to lose her friendship but I dont want my ds to feel scared of her ds- particularly as they are starting nursery together in September, so contact is unavoidable.

My ds has very strong views over who he likes and dislikes but normally these views can change depending on what context we meet his friends in, however, this particular dislike persists.

Any advice gratefully received.

Where do you meet? Is it neutral ground? If not, then start doing that...but the main thing is that your DS doesn't seem to like the kid much and he shouldnt have t pay with him if he's not keen.

Is your friend telling her DS off when he is mean?

We do usually meet at the park now, which is marginally better, but ds initially cries he doesn't like the boy and then goes really quiet. When he does try to play with him, my friend's ds does quite obstructive things like stopping him going out of the tunnel or standing at the top of the slide so ds has to wait on the ladder, that kind of thing. I try directing him to another piece of equipment but ds is stubborn - which again is part of the problem. Like I said in my op, ds is by no means without his challenges, but he just seems to have locked horns with this boy. His mum does tell him off but she is less reactive than me and doesn't always realise what is going on. She's not finding him easy either so I don't want to make a big deal of it.