Wondering if DD's odd behaviour might be Aspergers - is a diagnosis important and if so how do I investigate?

[Pendulum]

I have found her social behaviour a bit worrying for years now. She is 8 and it's becoming quite noticeable to me that she is 'different' from her peers in a way that I can't put my finger on. She is mainly oblivious to this. However, she seems more or less happy and is doing well in her lessons. So I am wondering whether I need to investigate, in case there is something I can do to help her as she gets older, or whether I should avoid suggesting to her that there is something 'wrong'?

If I'm honest I also wonder whether it would help our relationship if there were an explanation for her unusual behaviour - I spend a lot of time getting frustrated with it although I try hard to put this aside.

Very true hothead

DSD never had it easy at primary and obviously had struggles. Even when we shown concern about those , we were told she would be fine and grow out of it.

It was at the start of secondary (typical for girls with AS ) that the shit hit the fan. Her coping mechanisms became obvious and her anxiety was so high that that both school and ourselves, realised that there was something there... Her quirks and interests became much more than just that and her obssessions took over as she needed them to cope. She would watch the same episode of MI HIGH, over and over and over again. She withdrew in her imaginary world and we were seriously worried about her mental health then.

Pendulum All we said to DSD when starting the assessment is that we wanted to make sure we were doing everything right to help her with her struggles. We were honest and told her that she might have Aspergers - she appreciated us telling the truth (obviously) and actually doesn't mind going to CAMHS for her appointments at all now.

Thanks. I wouldn't say it is obvious that DD has challenges. Most of my acquaintances would be baffled if I mentioned this to them. But I have spent a lot more time with her over the past year because of my employment situation and it is really a drip drip of small observations that has got me thinking. I was talking to DH last night and we remembered that I have been complaining of a lack of connection with her for years now. Also she struggles with day wetting (has always had problems with toileting) and now has stomach and headaches that the GP can't find any cause for. I wonder if she is more stressed than she shows.

EverybodyKnows did you go the GP in the first instance? I don't have much confidence that the school would take me seriously (she is a very 'good' pupil) and I would like to get it moving before the new term starts.

Oh and DD is totally obsessed with MI High. She has all the gadgets (fashioned from the insides of loo rolls and old boxes!)

Pendulum it is interesting you mention Day wetting. DSD had had this issue as well. It reached a peak during the past year and it was because she was anxious and stressed as well as not liking the school's restrooms at all because of the smells ( she has many sensory issues). DSD main health complains are stomach ache, she will struggle with constipation from time to time. I read somewhere that there was a high proportion of girls on the spectrum who have gastro-intestinal complains. I'm going to try and find that as I think it's Rudy Simone's book...

Speaking of spectrum - it is so wide and each child will be positioned differently on the spectrum. I would think our daughter would have what you would call Mild Aspergers, she copes most of the time but needs assistance with understanding the world, social interactions and how to deal with her sensory issues. Diagnosis or not, we have and continue to acquire knowledge and strategies to help her flourish.

Most people we have told about DSD had no clue but then eventually said, oh that would make sense, she does have her quirks etc...

Be kind to yourself and do what you feel is best for your daughter, after all your are her best advocate.

In our case the school made the referral but you can go straight to your GP and ask for a referrenl for an ASD Assessment. Depending on the resources in your area they will point you towards a Developmental Paediatrician or CAMHS.

In our case it was CAMHS as they have an ASD Clinic which provides both assessment and support for children with ASD.

pendulum @ MI High - But , has she got the pencil ? Pencil is most important

Will try and find that list I was talking about further up and post it on this thread for your to read.

Found it

www.help4aspergers.com/pb/wp_a58d4f6a/wp_a58d4f6a.html

Can I just mention 'Aspergirls'? My DD1 is 15 and in the midst of the ASD assessment. She was recommended to read this book by the paediatrician, a lovely man, BTW. As she was 15, and it was recommended to her by him, I didn't vet it beforehand.

But it is really written for adults with AS. And goes into a lot of detail about how, whilst at school you may friends, when you leave and go into the big wide world, few 'Aspergirls' manage to maintain any friendships. Also, it says,don't hold your breath about any other kinds of sustaining relationships.

It was a hugely demoralising read for her, just as she was in the midst of depression, hormones and all the other teenage angst. I bitterly regret her reading it. I would say a big 'Beware' of this if you have older AS children.

I love Aspergirls by Rudy Simone grammar It's such good help along the The Complete Guide by Tony Attwood

Freaks, Geeks and Aspergers is written by an adolescent with AS and DSD has found it really helpful so far...

Forgot to say grammar that I wouldn't give it to DSD to read though-

hothead - Yes, totally agree- I read a book that gave advice such as : copy other people's style and watch MTV type of crap...I hated that book.

I always say to DSD, be who YOU want to be and do what pleases you most and you will be happy. We don't dictate her own style and we encourage her to be true to herself. Sadly not all people do ...

EverybodyKnows hmm not sure about pencil. Will have to infiltrate the caretaker's cupboard and find out

No, I just wish the paed hadn't recommended it as reading material for her, at her age and with all this going on. I loved the Complete guide, Tony Attwood book.
One page in that mentioned all her obsessions, mythical creatures (a way back now) novels of JK Rowling, Titanic and Japanese esp Japanese manga art. She was literally 'textbook'!

It was quite silly from the Paed to recommend it to her direclty- I would have asked you to read it first ! Totally agree with the Complete Guide, what a massive eye opener. It is my bible ,

Yup- We have massive obsessions here - MI High, Japanese Manga, Dogs and her own imaginary family she also has an imaginary alter ego who is a boy. She draws them constantly, this had led to her becoming quite good at portraits I must say.

everybody

My DD1 also loves drawing portraits and is very good. She loves Japanese rock and the rather beautiful, effete delicate looks of latter day Japansese boys, who all dress in a rather Roccoco, Renaissance way, They actually look female, a lot of them and she draws these obsessively.

How old is DSD? * She may like 'DeviantArt' a site that is in no way as bad as it sounds. People all over the work post their art and photography but it does have a strong Manga influence. When I first heard about it from DD1 I thought it was Deviant Tart! And was horrified.But it's fine for teenagers really.

It is so interesting and helpful reading everyone's experiences. Mumsnet is wonderful. For myself it makes me think that perhaps there is no point in having dd assessed as she is not displaying signs of stress or anxiety. (I may be, but that probably isn't a good reason to assess her! She feels like very hard work, mainly because she is so extremely distractible).

Many of the characteristics that other haver mentioned do describe my dd exactly - she monologues without noticing others' responses, she plays with her invisible friends a lot, seeming to need some 'down time' in her own imaginary world, especially at the end of the day. She is physically clumsy and flaps when excited. She loves reading and reads with a very sophisticated understanding for her age - she also has a surprising vocabulary and writes good stories. She doesn't quite seem to 'get' her peers' social interactions and is on the periphery of friendship groups. she has no sense of time at all and often cannot remain focused on tasks like getting dressed or washing & drying hands.

But she is quite happy at school, she does have friends and she is doing well academically. There is something different about her - in some ways she is extraordinary and dazzling, in other ways just not quite right.

Would I be making a mistake in leaving it alone?

Aranea she sounds just like my DD. Your last para strikes a real chord. One thing I feel about DD is that I am sometimes lonely even when I am with her because I don't quite feel that we are properly connected. Depending on her mood I am either the sounding board for her monologues/ question barrages, or I am a reassuring presence downstairs while she role plays, but she will ignore me for hours. Does that sounds familiar?

Now that DD2 is school age the difference is so noticeable. For example yesterday I dropped a bottle on my foot and cried out with pain. DD2 rushed in from the front room, full of concern, "are you alright mummy". DD1 was in the room with me but absorbed in an activity, and she didn't even look up.

grammar - she's 12 and I think I've seen that site on her laptop web history

Aranea- You should do what you feel is right for your DD but bear in mind that a lot of girls on the spectrum start to have struggles when they reach age 10/11 , especially when SS starts.

What makes the process so hard is outlining all the negative sides when we know they have such amazing talents, great minds and so much to give. I know our daughter is fantastic and I wouldn't change her for the world.

Oh god yes exactly the same, pendulum. And I am beginning to make the same comparisons with my dd2, as well. She is just so much more connected with the real world, so much more alert about what's going on around her.

Everybodyknows - that's exactly why I am agonising over it. I wish I could see what lies ahead. If she starts to struggle, will I wish I had started the process earlier? But if she did have a dx, how would it help her when she is 11?

I really battled with myself over whether to go down the DX route for Dd3, she was 5.5 when I first went to the GP and had had an awful time starting school. she was so anxious all the time and having ranging meltdowns at home.

School didnt support us at all in fact the HT/SENCO made it very difficult for us to get the DX in the end and we ended up moving her to another school.

In the end I had to push for the DX as it was becoming clear that DD3 has little idea of how to cope in the big wide world, little danger awareness and an inability to ask for help or even to realise she needs help.

For us it has been very beneficial, her new school is fab and she is getting lots of extra support with social and emotional stuff.

I still have trouble with family not understanding her at all and some of them not even trying but at least I can say, OK that was a disaster because of ASD not because she is being a pain on purpose and that alone makes all our lives better.

Good luck

Good for you Ineedalife, I'm sure one day your DD will be glad you pushed for a Dx so that she gets the support she deserves.

I certainly wished we had pushed and searched when we had concerns when she was 8 - We would have avoided what was a nightmare for her when she started SS. Getting a Dx now would give her extra support when she transfers to SS and maybe avoid a lot of stress and anxiety.

It is getting better now I have the SENCO working with us and she is being supported both at home and school.