Potty Training Nightmare- Need some help please!

[bella2012]

Hi All,

This is my first ever post apart from commenting in an antenatal group so am a bit nervous, but am in dire need of some guidance and I hope you guys might help.

My DS is 3 in October and we began potty training about 8 weeks ago now because during the week of hot weather we enjoyed in May, he managed to start weeing on the potty while we were playing outside in the paddling pool. After a couple of weeks, using a reward chart for every success and a lot of encouragement, he got the hang of it and managed to tell me when he needed the potty the majority of the time. Gradually though, he has started to have more and more accidents to the point where now, he just never ever tells me he needs a wee and just wees in his pants. Obviously I offer him the potty frequently and remind him that it is there. I sit him on the potty when I can tell he needs it or at appropriate times, like before we leave the house, but this still means we have at least three accidents a day when he just wets himself. I know all the advice is to praise the successes and not punish the failures but I am just demented with going through this every day and dont know where we go from here. After every accident he says 'Sorry Mummy. I will do it on the potty next time' but when I point out how unpleasant it is having wee all over his clothes/ the settee or something, he just blithely smiles and reminds me that I can just clear it up. The endless pile of clean clothes makes him think it is no problem to keep soiling them. Some friends have told me to let him stay in wet clothes so that he learns that it isn't a pleasant feeling, but I am reluctant to do this as he has excema and I don't want that to flare up. Plus, it just doesn't sit right with me. Has this strategy worked for anyone? I also wondered about something like a jar of marbles, where one goes in each time he tells me he needs the potty and he loses one for every accident with the promise of a treat once he reaches a certain number? Then it is reward based, but there is a penalty for not doing it?

He is a very articulate little boy and as I said. he did grasp it at first, so I really don't know why he has lost interest so rapidly.

Any advice gratefully recieved. I will try not to be too sensitive if you think I am doing it wrong somehow. I am trying my best, but obviously we are going wrong somewhere.

Many Thanks.

My ds1 did this regression, it is very common. It sounds like he has mastered the skill and is now bored with it. I went out & bought a big fancy potty from mothercare, almost like a chair with a removable pot. I then bought some big bubble stickers & explained every time he weed on the potty he could pick a bubble sticker & we decorated the potty. It requires lots of over enthusiasm and praise to get the excitement back again. I would basically bribe him- whatever you think will motivate him.

Also, I know you are not supposed to get cross but ds1 was blatantly wetting himself deliberately at times, the once he even stood at the top of the stairs, pulled down his trousers and peed down the stairs!

Anyway, I did really tell him off one day, and explained that it was naughty to deliberately wee in your pants & it did resolve itself. However, this approach would depend on the child, if the child was particularly sensitive, I wouldn't have got cross. Ds1 was stubborn & defiant with a natural desire to test boundaries.

You could try and go shopping with him to buy a favourite sets of pants (for my DD it was Peppa Pig) that he wants to stay clean. It's not an instant answer but it did help with my DD.

I'm not sure about your marble idea. I think it would be too complicated for him to really make the connection.

At the end of the day you need to try and work out whether he can do and just won't or if he actually can't do it (though I appreciate it's difficult to know). If he can't then you may be best going back to nappies for a month then trying again.

He will get there.

Forester, the op said he was successful the majority of the time after a few weeks so he clearly can do it, he has been doing it. IMO it's just a regression which is really common.

After this level of success I would strongly recommend sticking with it as frustrating as it can be. I thought the same about going back to nappies & a friend advised to stick with it & it worked. I was very glad I hadn't given up. It would be different if he was having no successes.

thank you very much. I really appreciate you taking the trouble to respond. It is good to know I am not alone because this is getting so frustrating!

Yep sounds normal. We started with my dd at 2.7 and she seemed to get it, then regress, then get it again. Stick at it.

By the time she turned 3 she wasn't having accidents anymore and was dry at night. It takes a few months to get to the point where you know they are not going to wet themselves (or worse!)

I had quite a long and frustrating time potty training ds2 - I used a reward chart and kept telling him 'you do NOT wee in your pants/trousers/on the floor/sofa, you wee in the toilet' I also made a point about how sad it was that he'd wet his lovely new pants/favourite trousers. The reward chart worked perfectly with him - he got a big cross when he had an accident and I reminded him he could have had a sticker but missed out. Yes, he had other stickers but he could have had more! Once I got tough with him it took about 10days for him to be dry.

I had a potty nearby so it was his job to take himself and he was more interested in using the toilet then doing a big hand washing routine afterwards, which he can mange on his own.