Aaargh - sick of being a referee.........!

[urbanturban]

Hoping some of you lovely people can offer me advice please?

So - DD1 is 4.7 and DD2 has just turned 2. In general they are fantastic girls, really well behaved and giggly and funny...........but they argue A LOT!

I think most of the problem is that both DDs are quite headstrong, independent characters. DD1 likes to play 'Mummy' and be bossy and order DD2 around, and DD2 pushes back against this.

Despite me telling DD1 (repeatedly) to let DD2 do her own thing and play her own way, DD1 is always on at her to 'do it this way, do it that way' etc. This usually results in a shouting match as DD2 doesn't like being told what to do. Sometimes this results in DD2 lashing out and hitting but this afternoon she has really bitten her big sister and left a huge bruise.

I have obviously told DD2 off and spoken to her about not biting etc but have also told off DD1 as the minute or so leading up to the incident consisted of DD1 trying to show DD2 how to do something (quite forcefully) and I feel that this is a perfect example of me encouraging her to let DD2 do things her own way.

However I:

1. Feel REALLY bad that DD1 is in pain and although she has ice on the bruise (it's going to be a sore one) I feel that I have not been sympathetic enough as I told her off, but I want her to learn her lesson
2. Feel REALLY bad that I didn't intervene earlier but sometimes I want to stand back a bit and let them sort it out themselves without me constantly refereeing them
3. Feel REALLY bad that poor DD2 never gets a chance to play on her own and discover things herself like DD1 did

Also - I am 30 weeks pregnant, tired, sore, hormonal AND may be blowing all of this out of proportion - does anyone have any suggestions please?!! Obviously and are in order for a start..........!

You have my sympathies! Mine used to fall out quite a lot. Until now, they are 15 and 12 the seem to appreciate each other more and/or stay out of each others way!

Maybe a sticker chart and a timer so that you can start to reward the good behaviour? Start with small amounts of time and build up. Explain to them that you wouldn't like something like this to happened again.

Don't feel bad...sometimes you cant always intervene, you have to let them experience these things for themselves.

Good luck xx

You have my sympathy/empathy. My DC are older and the gap is bigger (9 and 5) but I still find myself constantly reminding DS that he is not the parent, and that telling DD off is not his job. It's tough, because at the same time we expect him to look after her to a certain extent sometimes. I have tried to reason with him about correcting DD all the time as well - pointing out that he would have hated to have someone jumping on everything he did when he was 5 - but I am not very convinced that any of it goes in.

I would be cautious, IIWY, of giving DD1 any more sympathy than she would get it (for example) she fell and bruised herself. Other than that, my only suggestion would be to encourage playing separately sometimes.