5 year old - how do you get them to do what you want!

[Smokedsalmonbagel]

The majority of the time my DS1 is fairly well behaved.

We seem to go through stages where he is a complete nightmare and I can't reason with him.

This morning for example, he was tired and wouldn't get dressed for school. It started with me asking him nicely but he was in a mood and wouldn't do it. So I started to make threats and counting to 5. Some threats he doesn't care about and some just make him upset and he gets starts screaming.

Basically it ended up with us shouting at each other, not nice,

He is so stubborn and I don't know the best way to handle him when he gets like that. I knew I was getting angry this morning so came downstairs for some space but he just screamed at me to come back up.

Any ideas!?

Try the carrot rather than the stick? 'If you can get dressed in the next 5 minutes you can have / we will do....'

I usually find it works faster than threats!

I would take him to school in his pj's. It worked with her sister

It's the end of term, holidays soon. Start again in September is my best idea . I just close the deal down, that works best. To start with it's get dressed, politely, then get dressed, eye contact and firm voice. Normally acknowledge "Yes, your tired but you still have to get dressed." Then it's you need to get dressed by in firm voice- I use the clock and allow him 5 minutes normally so I say, by the time the big hand points to....x. Normally he does it then, but if not the consequence, which I give at the time too is that he loses computer games for the day (normally does 30 minutes after school). He hates that so that gets him going! It's hard but you need to stay calm yourself and then follow through with the consequence even if you feel sorry for him etc etc.

I find taking things away helps, but also rewards too.

I will give first warning along with the"let's not get into a shouting matchbecause that upsets us both" If it carries on, I take away tv/computer/wii/ and sometimes all 3!

However if she does it fastwith no arguing then she gets loads of praise and big hugs.

I really think Supernanny should have done this. You never see her advising how to get kids dressed/to school/ adults dressed/adults to work in the morning. Too difficult to get right imo

I sympathise completely! My 4.5yo DD is the same. For us, this 'not getting up/ getting ready' scenario seems to play out every SINGLE morning. She's in nursery right now, and usually I manage to get her there about 45 min late, which wasn't a problem for the nursery. However she starts school in September, where going late is not really an option.

So far I have been using the 'make it into a game' or '1-2-3' (threat) options ... with variable results. Maybe will try rewards next.

Watching with interest for more sugestions!

Bagel, I could have written your post! Sometimes nothing works at all. I'm just hanging on in there until the end of term, and hoping it will wear off when we are less pressed for time.

Well bagel you sound like me this morning, I could have written that, the same with div22c - I am soooo relating to all that, sometimes I think it would be easier to dress, feed and transport a dead body to school the amount of passive aggressive I have to deal with. Mine is 8 and still driving me crazy, especially right now.

I think Tgger is right though, it could be a bit of holiday fever, the excitement and then the change of pace does drive some kids nuts.
I've not yet told him he is going to the Olympics as he as been so uncooperative lately I don't feel like introducing a giant treat and ramping up the excitement factor even more.
Me also watching for useful suggestions.

Quick Kids app (if you have the technology). Personalised star chart, digital count-down, photo. Very popular with my nearly 5yo DS.

Just googled Quick Kids...unfortunately they dont seem to have an android version. But will try a sticker chart, or some other form of reward. Thanks!

Thanks! A few ideas to try.

This morning he got dressed OK but then wouldn't eat his breakfast. Just sat and stared at it for ages. At least there was no shouting.

I gave him lots of praise and a big cuddle for getting dressed!

I think he is overtired and in need of the holiday. I just find if he has set his mind on something nothing seems to work. I keep hoping he is going to grow out of it!

I like the idea of an app but don't have the technology!

In place of app, have a star chart (with photo?) and a kitchen timer! A digital timer is good as they can see seconds ticking by. If they can do the task within the agreed time, they get a star and rapturous applause from you. Treat on completion of star chart.

My son also 5 wouldn't get dressed so I put the clothes next to him and told him we were leaving in 10 mins. Still no clothes on so I picked him up and walked out of the door, as we got to the car I offered him one last chance to go back and get dressed, he was done in 30 seconds and we never had that problem again.
Make sure you are very calm about it and don't get drawn in to an argument. However it is the end of term and he's probably exhausted so don't be too hard on him!

Timer on phone working well for the moment, followed by sticker so she can tell everyone at nursery how good she was. Like your idea Convert, will try it next time.

Try the pasta jar or sticker chart.

The Pasta jar worked wonderfully for DD, you start off with approx 5-10 pieces of pasta in a jar, work out how much one piece of pasta is worth e.g. 5p then say to DS "if you get ready now you can put x amount of pieces of pasta into the jar" If he doesn't do it then pasta gets taken out of the jar. At the end of the week count up how much money he gets and he can get himself a treat or maybe exchange the pasta for a comic or some other small thing. I hope that made sense