Please talk to me gently about almost two year old and eating

[Cosmosis]

DS is almost two, and until recently ate really well, he would generally eat whatever was put in front of him ? dh and I both like our food and have just given ds what we eat most of the time so he has had a nice varied diet. In the last few months his has changed though and he is eating less and less. At first we thought it was just that he was starting to develop likes and dislikes, which is fair enough, but it?s more than that now. Some meal times he comes excitedly when you call him but then will just completely refuse to eat anything at all once it?s in front of him. He has had days recently where he has refused any food at all and just drinks milk instead ? but he would happily snack all day on cheese and raisins if I let him.

I think somewhere along the line we have done something wrong though as this weekend he has started crying at mealtimes ? possibly because Dh was trying to spoonfeed him on Sunday night as he was refusing and he started getting a bit upset and DH and I had a row about it. Yesterday I made bolognese which has always been something he has loved, even when he started being picky. He was really excited, started eating the cheese off the top, but then when he got to a spoonful that had bolognese as well as the cheese he burst into tears (not tantrumming, but upset sobbing). I started to take the bowl away and he just didn?t know what to do, he wanted it back, but as soon as it was back in front of him he was refusing to eat any and getting more and more upset. I gave him a banana which he ate fine, and then wanted to get down so I let him.

Historically if he hasn?t wanted what I?ve made him, I have offered toast with butter and then fruit after (which he always has at the end of the meal anyway) I have never done the ?just try it, one more spoonful? etc routine (up until DH trying on Sunday), because I figured if he?s tried something and doesn?t like fair enough. If he?s eaten a reasonable amount of main then I just offer fruit after.

So what do we do? Just offer, take it away if he won?t eat if and carry on giving toast instead? Only offer things we know he will eat? At the moment scrambled egg or beans seem to be the only non snacky things he will consistently eat, philadelphia and ham sandwiches sometimes as well.

I was a very picky eater as a child and my parents were of the ?eat everything off your plate? school and I can still vividly remember me having tantrums aged 4ish, being taken to my room and then being made to eat a stone cold dinner an hour later. I really really don?t want to go down that road, and I can feel myself already getting very stressed and upset about it, and I am scared he will pick up on this. I am trying to remind myself to calm down about it, he is a very very happy little boy all the rest of the time, he is extremely easy going, sleeps really well (finally!!), has a lovely kind, gentle nature. And frankly has plenty of room in his physique to stand missing a meal or two .

Mines the same. Typical toddler behaviour, some days he exists on fresh air & some days he'll eat LOADS.

Google toddler diet for a funny reference which will ring true.

DS is now 2.6 & we've got a strategy of dinner in front of a DVD & he will eat more. Not a long term strategy I know but proved up me that he will eat with the "carrot" of the film staying on if he eats more.

Disclaimer: I don't do this every meal & know it's not a long term strategy.

Aw poor you. First of all I think it's important to try not to worry - especially as he's not a skinny little thing.

Could he be getting his molars? It may be putting him off eating?

I would just keep offering the same foods as everyone else is eating, let him eat what he wants from his plate and back off - don't try to feed him unless he asks you to.

And I think as long as you're offering nutritious snacks during the day, it isn't the end of the world if he doesn't eat properly at meal times. He's still very young.

Finally, and this may just be me being a bit old-school, but I am resistant to the idea of listening too much to likes & dislikes with food. In my experience it is all very fluid & changeable, but if you validate a food refusal by articulating the idea that he just doesn't like it, it can stick around for much longer as a problem.

thanks both, for one thing it's good to know others are going through the same!

Aranea, you are right re likes and dislikes, they do seem to change so I tend to still offer things he has refused before as they are things we still eat and I don't say "don't you like it" I will say "don't you want this today" or something instead. And good point re getting molars, he could well be.

Snacks offered tend to be fruit, or those organix crisps that taste of nothing but seem to just spread red sticky dust everywhere or pieces of cheese etc, we don't buy biscuits or chocolate for ourselves so he doesn't have them at home, he does at the CM though, but only in moderation.

Well we have had no more tears at meal times at least, and he is eating bits and pieces according to the CM. We are just trying to relax about it and not stress. I will see what he is like at home though - he only has breakfast at home on the days he is at the CM, so Friday is the next day when he will be having tea at home.

My DS is coming up to two and although is ookkkkk at eating, we are definitely having more tears and bother over dinner especially - one thing that really rang a bell was the "wanting it, not wanting it" tears. We have this nearly every day "strawberries! NO strawberries. STRAWBERRIES!" until I just give up and take them away.

Tonight we had sobbing because I had put fruit in his yogurt - which he has had every night for, like, months. "No fruit, mummy. Take it AWAY"

How I'm dealing with it is just trying to stay calm, he gets the dinner, if fuss is made, it gets taken away and fruit is offered and nothing else. We don't really do pudding or snacks much anyway, and he's fine with breakfast and lunch (he's never had much lunch anyway).

God, it's trying though and I sometimes have to say to him "I'm just going to check the fire" and go and do a silent scream in the living room.

I think you need to be a bit stricter. Its a simple choice, eat dinner or dont eat. My 3 year old wouldnt eat what she was given if she thought toast was round g

the corner (accidentally posted). As you say he can miss a meal or two so make it clear you arent bothered either way.

He's 22 months though, is he old enough to understand that?

Personally I would offer him the meal and if he doesn't want it then take it away without fuss, not offering anything else.

My DD is only 18mo so I've not hit this stage just yet, but I hear its very common at age 2.

A friends DD who is just turning 2 has started being very fussy with food (things she has previously loved) and friend following advice from HV didnt offer alternatives has seen a big improvement with this approach.

My nephew on the other hand who is now 2.3 went through similar fussiness and his parents went down the route of going back to spoon feeding him and saying things like if you eat another spoonful you can have chocolate/biscuit. DNs diet now consists of chips, dry toast, dry pasta, chocolate, biscuits, sweets & little else.

thanks, that seems to be a pretty common consesus then, so will go with that approach and keep our fingers crossed it's just a phase!

DS was a total HOOVER up until about 2.5 or so, maybe earlier. It was actually worrying me how much he ate, he seemed to eat HUGE quantities of everything Then he started the same kind of thing, not wanting things, hardly eating. It's really easy to get stressed about it, but IME it just makes things worse and compounds everything. If I were you I'd offer what you're eatinng as normal and if he doesn't eat it, make no fuss and take it away. I wouldn't offer toast and fruit either. If he's hungry he'll eat. Then offer what you're having at the next mealtime. No fuss, no cajoling. He'll eat when he's ready.
I wonder lookig back if it's developmental thing, I mean that they need this massive amount of fuel to grow so fast in the first 18 months or so and then it slows down around 2 and then appetite tails off again.
I think the key is to remove all stress around mealtimes. Offer and just let him eat what he wants of it, if that's nothing don't worry, if there's no stress, he'll eat what he needs and feels like.

Mine definitely understood by 22 months. I always gave her 'main' meal at lunchtime - that or nothing. Then she got fruit a couple of hours later. Tea was always more relaxed and snacky so she never went hungry. Relax .

Do nothing. Except look at the book 'my child won't eat'. It's more than likely a phase. My dd, nearly 3 has just sfinally snapped out of it - even my gp said not to worry and don't expect toddlers to eat much. Looking back my nephew was the same to the point where I worried about him but at 4 he eats like a horse and anything pretty much! Hang in there

I think 22 months is too young for strict - just comes over as controlling to me at that age. Mine is three now and I have just started the 'eat this or nothing else'.

I think this all sounds thoroughly normal. Very best thing to do is stop worrying and perhaps have a couple of weeks offering 'bits' for tea, give your child some control and stop fussing. Ban your husband from trying to spoon feed - worst thing to do as just ends up in a battle.

It'll be fine.

Oh god yeh ditch the spoon and any kind of pressure. Put tiny amounts on the plate to see what happens. Lower your expectations. For example if I out out a fish finger and sweet corn and broccoli and dd only ate all the sweetcirn I would try and see it as a success she ingested veg rather than a fail that she left everything else.
Dd also responded better to the most sime food I could offer her. Plain pasta was a winner. I could never get her to eat anything all mixed together like a meat pie - no chance not even now. She will happily Wat a plate of cheese and apple though.
Blw went out of the window for a while - she wouldn't eat what I ate for live nor money so I gave up and just tried to offer healthy finger food.

Also, I send dd to nursery with a pack lunch 2 days a week until 5.30. I have completely dropped the idea I can either get her to wait for a meal on those days or eat it. She will only eat leftover pack lunch (so I send it crammed with healthy food) which she politely requests the second we get home then she is ready for bed - nursery must work her hard! So that cut out 2 battles a week . I make sure we sit at the table and eat together on the other days to compensate but learning kite of her limits has really helped.
Lastly much earlier I realised dd couldn't wait v long for a meal and that it was best to whip the food out at the first opportunity meaning v early dinners for me!