Tantrums at 4-5 months - are they possible?

[gloucestergirl]

My DD is 4 and half months old. She is a strong willed little thing and easily lets us know if there is anything wrong. She has always resisted going to sleep and has always cried at bed time. She cries if she is put down too eary and is not tired and will cry if she goes down too late and becomes overtired.

Anyway today was a new level. I am seriously wondering if she is throwing temper tantrums to get her own way rather than just letting off steam.

I have been mix feeding since she was born (75% breast, 25% formula) with no problems. However, today there have been two screaming outbursts until she got the breast instead of the formula. Also there were two screaming episodes when she decided that she didn't want to be in the buggy (never a problem before) and wanted to be carried.

Also she has started grapping things that I am holding (book, cups of tea, etc.) and then crying when not allowed to have them.

I of course 'gave in' because she was so upset, but where does this overnight change in behaviour come from. Inbetween these screaming utbursts she is her normal happy happy self.

Is it possible for babies so young to throw tantrums? And what is the best ways of dealing with such screaming outbursts?

Nope babies that young cannot tantrum

Nope - over tired, over stimulated, hungry, wind but not tantrums .

No

No, temper tantrums are not possible at this age. Babies are not 'wilful' nor are they manipulative.

The world is an exciting but massively frustrating place to your DD. Of course she cries when she can't have stuff, she doesn't understand why she can't and the stuff she can have, she can't get on her own!

Development is huge at around this age but not quick enough for her liking. BF comforts her when she's frustrated.

Thanks Flisspaps for the constructive comments. I didn't think it was possible.

She is having emotions. And expressing them in the only way she knows how. You don't have to "give in" to anything. Distraction is your best tool at this age.

Unless the "giving in" is meeting her need for quiet, sleep, food, comfort. Distarct when she's upset about not being able to have something by giving her something she can have.

Imagine being that little and sometimes you reach out and grab things (a toy, a cup, a hand) and you get a round of applause and a 'clever girl' and then a few minutes later, you practise your new brilliant skill again by reaching out and instead you get the thing snatched away and a firm 'no'. How bloody confusing is that? And they have no idea whatsoever why this happens and it overwhelms them. So what you do instead is try and limit the access they have to stuff they shouldn't until they're of an age to understand the difference and you distract them with something else immediately.

Babies aren't manipulative in the way you mean. They are clever in terms of getting you to respond to their needs and this just ensures their survival. If they don't alert you to their need for food/warmth/attention then they go unnoticed. They just can't care for themselves. They don't get simple things like object permanence. So if they can't see you, you don't exist. When they start to realise you're not there, they can panic and need you to pick them up very quickly indeed. Around 4 months both of mine started to realise they were separate beings from me and it was frightening and new. They're also trapped in little bodies which will only do small things like rolling and with gargantuan effort. They want to be WITH you but can't facilitate it themselves.

And if a baby wants bm over formula it's often about comfort. Maybe needing the cuddle, maybe sore gums, maybe chilly, maybe just wanting to hear your heartbeat and listen to your voice while feeding. It's okay to do this. You can't spoil a tiny baby or whatever guff some people might delight in telling you.

I think my 4 month old has just figured out that I disappear. It seems to make her cry. I think everyone is right op, but I thought I'd let you know things are changing here too!

I think it depends on your definition of a tantrum. She cries when she can't have what she wants, but she is upset and knows no other option. You will just have to ride it out, and like the others have said, limit the things she can't have, and distract her.

I know everyone is saying 'no' but my 5mo DD sometimes has what is much nearer a tantrum than anything else. It starts off because she is upset about something but very quickly she gets wound up and continues to cry even when I try to offer her what she wants (more sleep, a bottle etc). It is a very different cry - piercing - and also she doesn't cry, when she normally does cry when upset or hurt, and she can continue for quite a while. She won't want take any food or cuddles while she is crying, and it is only distraction that works. She can even pause, smile, laugh, and then carry on!

Of course, it isn't a 'tantrum' under any traditional definition because babies have no idea how to be manipulative. But it is a recent development, so you're not alone. We just try smiles, distraction, calming voices etc and eventually she calms down and is her normal happy self in an instant.

They genuinely don't know they're separate until this age and one of the hardest things about parenting is trying to teach a child to manage their emotions. It takes their whole babyhood, their toddlerhood and most of their school careers. And it starts now. I think the other key difference is they have memories. So when you see a 4 month old distracted momentarily out of the anguish then going back to wailing, it's just that they haven't forgotten it. Previously they would move on quickly because they just couldn't muster up the chain of thoughts to go backwards, but from 4 months ago they make massive leaps in terms of memory and sequencing. And they want to express themselves too. If they're separate beings then they are going to strive to have a voice. It's a massive, massive developmental leap. Which is why sleep goes to pot at this point too.

Not looking forward to it myself...DS is now 13w so about to see him experience all this! Hopefully he'll manage as well as DD but I'm not bloody banking on it