MIL undermining punishment

[Pantone363]

DS 4 being v naughty. Mil was taking him and DD to the cinema and he's now been told he's not going (I'd given him 10 warnings at least).

MIL who's v wishy washy at the best of times is CRYING on the phone that he can't go and she was looking forward to it. She doesn't want to take DD on her own and now wants to cancel the trip. Utterly unfair on DD, I really now don't want to say he can go, in fact he's just thrown the toaster on the floor in a tantrum!

Any ideas of a fair way out of this??!

2 days is a ling punishment for a 4 year old - I'd ignore it too

My MIL would back me completely on this. If I said my DD couldnt go somewhere because of poor behaviour she would accept it. I think you have a right to expect her to back you up here. I would offer to rearrange the trip but still as her to spend some time with your daughter because then it shows your son he can not behave poorly and get away with it. Your son is playing the system at the moment. You and your ex need to sit down and make a plan to tackle bad behaviour long term. If he has shared access to the children then he responsible for 50% of the discipline.

I'm shocked you caved in!!

I wouldn't send him to his bedroom. We've only recently moved here from a bungalow and he is terrified of being upstairs on his own. I'm not going to scare the kid into behaving.

Is 2 days too long for no iPad/iPhone use? It seemed reasonable to me. I'll discuss with ex. Dropped him off today and said don't forget he's not allowed on the iPad, ex "no worries I've bought a load of Mishima stickers for them anyway"

I was using 1 pack of stickers as rewards (they collect them and stick in a sticker book). EX got in on the action and now buys them everytime he's god to Tesco do they've lost all meaning.

Sorry iPhone

Moshi stickers. Everytime he goes to tesco.

I personally think any punishment that lasts 2 days, is too long for a 4 year old, they wont really remember.

As an aside (and I was a single parent for years once my oldest was 5), I dont think you can expect your ex to maintain your punishments for you. (And you cant make him so it becomes a pointless battle). You have to focus on what happens when they are with you.

And I know how hard that is because I have been down that road myself.

I know I am sound like a gimmer, but isn't four a bit young for iPads/iPhones anyway?

What about sticking to immediate type discipline... I always find that 'time out' or the 'naughty step' (if you prefer to call a spade, a spade) is suitable for this age group.

It is also in keeping with natural consequences of behaviour, so if he behaves naughtily, give 1 warning, say 'ds, we do not X, X is naughty behaviour, if you do it again you will go on the naughty step for 4 minutes' then follow through, be firm, act very disappointed with the behaviour. Then get an apology, cuddle & continue with the day. It's an easy method to follow & can be done anywhere & it's consistent.

Also, try & heap praise on every tiny bit of kind or good behaviour you spot. Introduce a star chart for this with a reward at the end of the wk for however many stars.

It is hard though, especially as a single parent & if you're being undermined.

I agree bedrooms shouldn't be punishment especially if they already have a fear about being upstairs alone, that's just cruel!

I agree that more immediate punishments for bad behaviour after one warning is better at this age.

Stick to your guns and if your MIL had any sense she would have just taken DD. As I am assuming this is a big treat for DS to go to the cinema, DS would have learnt a lot more by not going than taking toys away. I think your MIL was being unfair to DD and why didn't she just want to spend time with DD.