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Original poster

Kids are resilient aren't they....aren't they?

30 replies

pie · 12/12/2003 11:05

Dh has just got back from DD1's leaving nursery teacher consultation thing (Damn SPD playing up this morning so I couldn't make it). Anyway he brought home her report where her teachers make comments on her behaviour and progress with various tasks.

In big letters it says 'she talks about her mummy being ill every day. She says she misses her mummy very much and her going to the doctors and being ill is making her very sad'

She will be ok though won't she? God I'm blubbing all over the damn keyboard.

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fio2 · 12/12/2003 11:10

Aww what a sweetie your little girl is pie dont be sad of course she will be alright. She sounds like a sensitive little soul. Give her a hug from me and a hug for you too.

GeorginaA · 12/12/2003 11:14

How stressful and upsetting for all of you, pie I'm sure they are resilient, but lots of cuddles and reassurance along the way (which I'm sure you're already doing) will help her bounce back even more.

Make sure you get lots of cuddles too

Copper · 12/12/2003 11:59

pie
she loves you. You love her. She will be alright

aloha · 12/12/2003 12:06

Yes, she will be fine. You love her and now you are getting better. The fact that she is so sad is testimony to how much she loves you. Maybe have a reassuring chat with her about how you are getting better now and won't be ill like that again and check she doesn't have any more worries? She sounds lovely.

twiglett · 12/12/2003 12:15

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Batters · 12/12/2003 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zebra · 12/12/2003 12:54

OH, Pie, don't beat yourself up over this.
If you said, I didn't see it.... What is the prognosis for you getting better? I had thought the SPD would resolve itself post-pregnancy, but then I think you said you're still using the wheelchair. If you don't mind sharing, what is the prognosis? Are walking at all?

sis · 12/12/2003 14:31

Oh Pie, I hope you get better soon and of course your lovely daughter will be fine. wishing you all the best,
sis

Original poster
pie · 12/12/2003 14:47

Thank you everyone for your lovely thoughts (and sheer belief in my parenting hahaha )

We are very close and it just knocked me for six to find out that she has been so vocal about how deeply she has been affected, and that she is so upset. Its just been so hard for her this past year and I guess I'm feeling guilty. Not rational I know, but nevertheless how I feel. I have been trying to do more things with her and giving her soooo many hugs (but shes lovely to hug so any excuse really). Perhaps it is a bit of paranoia on my part as well, that her school saw fit and the need to mention this on her school report.

Zebra: the SPD hasn't gone yet. On a good day I can walk about 100 yards without crutches, on a bad day I'm back in the wheelchair. Most days are somewhere in between though and I can get about with my crutches, though I'm never walking for very long. The last 2 weeks have been very very bad though, I think my osteopath was a little too aggressive as he was going away for the holidays. I am to be referred for x-rays to make sure no surgical intervention is needed. But I'm generally, very slowly on the mend, and apparently thats the best case senario.

OP posts:
zebra · 12/12/2003 15:25

Are you expected to make a full recovery?

I partly said that because you might want to find one of the books by Dervla Murphy she was/is an Irish woman who had to look after her invalid mother for about 20 years before she could embark on her own dreams. You don't get more affected by parental illness than she was. And Dervla Murphy is fantastic! She is the most dynamic, funny, witty, insightful, down-to-earth travel writer. Maybe you'll like the look of one of her books on Amazon, or in the library?

Original poster
pie · 12/12/2003 17:50

I don't think I'll ever be 100% zebra, I've been told that I can hope to not be reminded of it every day, every moment, but that it will always 'play op' on some days.

OP posts:
Original poster
pie · 12/12/2003 17:50

up I mean

OP posts:
zebra · 12/12/2003 19:38

Funny enough, I was talking to a friend with Irritable Bowel Syndrome this evening; it comes and goes, too, with her. She's having to learn to live with it. And my carpal tunnel/RSI. I guess a lot of health problems are like this. I can't play guitar any more or work full time on computers because of my hand/arm problems. I like to crochet & need to restrict how much I do there, too. Things that are all very annoying to me, sometimes.

'Course, doesn't help that I blather (type) too much on Mumsnet!

motherinferior · 12/12/2003 20:38

Pie, I think any child of yours is very lucky to have you as a mum. I mean that.

Bekki · 12/12/2003 21:19

She sounds adorable, you have nothing to worry about at all. My ds tells people at playgroup that he really doesn't like mummy or daddy anymore because we don't give him any sweeties for breakfast. Think yourself lucky that you have such a darling, thoughtful daughter.

Demented · 12/12/2003 22:10

Pie hugs {{{{}}}} your DD1 sounds lovely, tears welling up here too after reading your post. I'm sure she will be OK in fact to me it seems a good thing that she can vocalise her feelings instead of bottling up her worries. Hope things get better soon Pie, sorry to hear you are still laid up by the SPD.

StressyHead · 12/12/2003 22:18

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CountessDracula · 12/12/2003 22:21

Oh pie, how sad, I can understand why you are blubbing mate. How sweet that she feels for you so much. Get better soon xxx

nerdgirl · 12/12/2003 22:34

I think your DD sounds wonderful Pie. You're lucky to have each other.

Just a different perspective but it sounds like a good thing to me that your daughter can articulate her feelings and feels comfortable enough in nursery to share them. You should be very proud of her. Give her a hug from me too!

prufrock · 14/12/2003 10:14

Pie she will be absolutely fine. My Dad spent a long time in hospital, and then ill at home when I was 17. DB was 10, DSis was 4. It screwed me up a bit, but hasn't affected her at all. If anything she had a closer realtionship with Dad (before she recently became teenager from hell ) because he had time to spend cuddling her and reading her stories. He used to take her to bed every night, and quite over Dsis would come toddling down the stairs an hour later to anounce that "Daddy is snoring in my bed"

sunchowder · 16/12/2003 20:46

Dear Pie, just saw this now....your DD sounds wonderful! So sensitive and loving she is, you both are so lucky to have each other. The fact that she has such empathy, this will make her wonderful and whole in the future as a compassionate sibling, wife and mother. This will be her gift Pie. I am so sorry you are in such pain, I have read about you on and off these past few months and hope that you do mend and surprise them all. Acknowledge your daughter's feelings and ask her what you can do together to make each other feel better about your illness (if that is possible). Talk about all of the things that you "can" do together, etc. so that both of you can focus on the positives (hard to see at the moment I am sure). I was thinking that maybe the teachers included this in her report to show you how sensitive and wonderful your daughter is and how much that she loves you. (As opposed to the feelings that maybe your privacy was invaded or that your illness is effecting your daughter's school performance) I wish you the very best and most beautiful holidays together.

MincePie · 16/12/2003 22:09

Thank you everyone for your continued support and messages.

DD1 has had a crazy few days, see mouse exile thread, and has been quite a handful. My SPD has also been alot worse over the weekend and since. Its so hard to give her the attention she wants with a new baby, but we made paper chains and practiced her writing together (the first she enjoyed more than the second )

Its her last day at nursery on Friday before big school and I guess this has also been upsetting both of us too.

Why do they seem to grow up so fast?

Ghosty · 16/12/2003 22:25

Pie ... I have been wondering about you and your SPD over the last few weeks ... and am glad to read that you ARE recovering albeit very very slowly .... I think about you often because of my SPD and I hope you don't mind but when my SPD is bad I tell myself "It could be worse ... At least I am not in the same boat as Pie ..." So although we have never 'met' officially I think about you nearly every day ....
Poor you darling ... I wish I could wish it away ...

Your DD sounds like a sweetie and because you are aware of the affect this is having on her I am sure that you are compensating in other ways (like doing 'sitting down' stuff) ... I sort of know how you feel because I can't walk DS to kindergarten anymore .... (only 10 minutes away) and it is heartbreaking as all he wants to do is cycle the new bike he got for his 4th birthday there to show his friends and I feel so mean when I tell him day after day that maybe we can do that AFTER the baby comes ... the disappointment on his face really gets me ...
Anyhoo ... sending hugs to you {{{}}} and to your lovely little girl {{{}}} and hoping that you start to feel better soon ....

MincePie · 16/12/2003 22:28

Hi ghosty, sorry to hear about the dreaded SPD, I think maybe I should change my user name to TheSPDPosterGirl

But even mine is starting to get better, 2 steps forward 1 step back kind of thing...so you will be ok. Give your DS a big hug.

Perhaps we need a kids of SPD group for our poor babies

Ghosty · 16/12/2003 23:00

How about doing an SPD calendar? All the different expressions of pain while doing simple everyday tasks like 'Getting out of Bed in the Morning' ...