Friend's aggressive 2 year old eats nothing but chocolate

[ItsRainingOutside]

My friend is having severe problems with her extremely aggressive and violent 2 year old. He's an absolute nightmare and she's always covered in bites, scratches and bruises. She is reasonably strict with him and loves him to pieces. However, every time I see him, he has a chocolate bar or ice-cream in his hand. His diet is primarily chicken nuggets or McDonalds. Could his appalling diet be affecting his behaviour and would I be stepping over the line by drawing her attention to it?

I think there has been some research on this - perhaps try to find an article and send it to her, as a kind of "This might be worth exploring" kind of way, not "Look! Your terrible parenting is causing your son's aggression!" way.

It's not doing him any favours, certainly, from a nutritional point of view, and of course diet affects health and and health affects behaviour but I would hazard a guess that it is not the cause of his extreme aggression (if I am reading correctly that what you are describing goes way beyond the normal lashing out of a toddler). It is possibly more likely that it is all he will eat and he possibly has massive tantrums re food.

It is not normal for a two year old to be that violent. Something else is probably going on.

Don't criticise his diet. The last thing she needs is to feel attacked by you. Help her to see that she can get help for his behaviour. Once she has someone looking at him, if he is attacking her because he lives on chicken nuggats, they'll no doubt say so. But I have to say it's probably not the reason.

I disagree with Hecate - I work in childcare and see all the time how food has a massive, immediate and direct effect on behaviour, especially junk food. I'm with Bertie though, on how hard it is to say anything - I'm sure if she seeks help from a professional they may suggest to her that diet could well be affecting behaviour. All toddlers are violent to some degree, but what you describe sounds well beyond the norm.

I took the advice of Bertie and sent her an article which measured the affect of diet on two twins - one given a nutritious balanced diet, the other fed on junk food. According to their mum, the transformation over 2 weeks was extraordinary.

www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-178569/Bad-diet--bad-behaviour.html

Thank you.

Maybe thats the only food that the child can only eat (fussy eater). I have a DD of two years old that does not eat. The things that she can eat most times are yogurts, cheesestrings, fried plantains, rice and crips.

Frankly if I was struggling with my violent 2 year olds behaviour and my "friend" sent me an reticle about junk food and children I would be pretty pissed off. If his behaviour is as challenging as you describe the junk food is unlikely to be the cause of his difficulties. I think you may well cringe in years to come when you remember sending this article.

Plus I am sure your friend would love her ds to be eating bread sticks and healthy sandwiches. She is probably giving him junk food because that is all he will eat and she is having to cope with extreme behaviour all day. I say all this because my ds at one time only ate dry bread, wot sits and crackers. he turned out to be autistic and I have lost count of all the well meaning judgemental comments I received about his diet.

She has lots of friends supporting her and tomorrow will ask to see her doctor to explore if there's something over and above diet as a possible cause. She's also enrolled in positive parenting course and knows she does feed him what he wants just to give herself an easier time. I know nothing about the disorders such as ADHD, Autism etc. but since you mention it cansu, her ds never smiles or makes eye contact with you. He can't engage in normal social behaviour so maybe there's something seriously wrong as you suggest.

I agree with Hecate and cansu.

The food he eats, whilst not helping, could well be a symptom rather than a cause of his issues IYSWIM- for example, I have worked with children with ASD for a number of years, and food selectivity is commonplace.

It sounds as though the level of violence is way beyond normal parameters.

Yes. My two both have autism and were SO rigid and faddy as toddlers. Particularly my eldest. I used to make several meals and try everything. But, at the end of the day, something was better than nothing. I'm sure I'd have been judged too.

And he broke my nose once. Bit me, kicked me, threw stuff at me, headbutted me, etc on a regular basis. Headbutted his TA. Attacked other children. I was a constant mass of bruises. he was so violent it was scary. You had to be on top of him all the time ready to pounce to save someone from a biting or a kicking!

Another one agreeing with Hecate and Cansu.

If you have a child who doesn't eat anything except for a very limited number of foods, you tend to end up with a choice of either letting them have that food or leaving them to starve.

And despite the well-meaning cries of "They'll eat it if they're hungry enough!" that you see on food threads, some children just don't. One of mine with ASD just doesn't feel hungry - ever. He would quite happily go for days with little more than a cup of milk here and there.

It's good that your friend is hopefully going to get some help via her GP. It sounds as though she's having a tough time.

My DS who is nearly 5 but still wears 2-3yr old clothes is a fussy eater...always has been and probably to other people seems like he only eats chocolate, biscuits, ice cream etc

Like other people have said, i'd love nothing more than for him to eat a more balanced diet, believe me I try but he refuses to try new food and i'd rather he ate something than nothing at all but despite all this he is a loving affectionate happy boy so I dont think this boy's aggression will be solely due to his diet