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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

help 13mth still not sleeping through night!

14 replies

Emz25 · 03/03/2006 09:37

can anyone help my dd still won't sleep through the night. she wakes up and throws a tantrum which can last upto an hour! we have tried going and and giving her dummy and even just leaving her to cry herself to sleep but i don't know how much longer i can lie awake listening to this! I have 2 other children i need to get up for school and although i'm used to the lack of sleep now i would still like more!

we r planning on trying for our last one in june too so i want her to sleep before the new baby is born! i know its a long way off but the way things are going i can't see her sleeping anytime soon.
she has occasionally slept through but i can count on one hand the amount! PLEASE HELP!

my other 2 were not like this they both slept through from a few weeks old this is why i have no idea what to do with this one!

OP posts:

poppiesinaline · 03/03/2006 10:29

Do you feed her at all? Have you tried CC or PUPD? What time does she usually wake? Is it the same time every night or different times? How many times does she wake?

Original poster

Emz25 · 03/03/2006 10:50

hi
whats cc or pupd? she either wakes around 12 or if we get away with that she is up by 5 for an hour i used to think she was hungry but i think she is just stubborn and wants us to get her up. she would probably take a bottle if we let her in bed with us. we have started giving her a bottle in her cot but she just chucks it and screams louder and if we give her dummy she takes it out and chucks it through the bars of the cot! she is a little madam i think she is only screaming coz she wants me to get her up and throws a tantrum when she knows she has to stay in bed!

midwife said if we water down bottle and leave her she would have nothing to wake for so prob stay asleep but so far its not working!

OP posts:

Squarer · 03/03/2006 11:30

Hi Emz.... I have just got over my DS (14 months) waking for feeds 4 times in the night by gradually watering down his milk. However, he is a big boy so make sure your DD doesn't actually still need food if you see what I mean.

I would try controlled crying (CC that Poppies referred to). I did that to DS who would never go to sleep unless he was in my arms, and then I would put him in his cot, and it deteriorated to the point where he woke up every time I put him in his cot. It took 15 minutes, and we have never looked back - can't do it in the night though as his cot is still next to my bed!

geissi · 03/03/2006 11:40

my dd didnt sleep through the night until 3.5 years old not my fault dp used to take her out of cot when she was baby and put her in our bed for a cuddle (big old softie) and of course she got used to it now i lay down with her and cuddle her until she is asleep

Original poster

Emz25 · 03/03/2006 11:41

shes not big only 17+lbs. i agree i thought i should still be feeding coz she must be hungry but she has recently had tests done and we got the all clear! iron is fine calcium e.t.c so she is gettin enough they think she is just small. my dh and i aren't very big either!

so MW thinks she is gettin enough and is basically just trying it on. she also thinks that she is coasting on the bottle so she is not vry hungry for breakfast. if she doesn't eat at night she should want more in the day - so eventually this should rectify the problem.

i'm just finding it hard to cope with the screaming i hate hearing her in distress! i feel so helpless but i do think its more a tantrum then hunger. i mean i give her the bottle still she just doesn't want to feed herself surely if she was that hungry she would just drink it!
she has a bottle for bed and goes to sleep fine then! its just at night

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 03/03/2006 11:45

\l{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=5&threadid=151717&stamp=060303113926\This} worked for me........

VeniVidiVickiQV · 03/03/2006 11:46

oh bum - here \link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=5&threadid=151717&stamp=060303113926\try again}

Squarer · 03/03/2006 12:04

Emz....

The night that I tried controlled crying for the first time it was because I was at the end of my tether. I got myself a drink and a good book and got myself holed up in the next bedroom - for the duration thinks I.

Pops him in his cot, says night night, and walks out to the most tremendous scream. Started to read my book, trying not to listen too much. Got to 5 minutes, walked in, placed him on his side (his fave sleeping position) and rubbed his back, despite his desperate attempts to leap to his feet, said night night and walked out again to frantic screaming. Read book, now waiting 7 minutes. At 5 minutes, screaming stopped dead, at which point I threw my book to one side, ran in and... woke him up. Put him back down, same routine, and thought this time 10 minutes. The screaming became little sobs and then little sniffles and then stopped after about 5 minutes. I poked my head round the door and found him asleep on his knees with his little face squashed up against the bars.

Your DD may not be as easy as my DS. It is hard, and you need to steel yourself to it - I imagine it would be more difficult in the middle of the night too as sounds seem louder (particularly scream like sounds!) It is worth it though - we have literally never once looked back, and I will not hesitate to do it at night once I have moved his cot into his room.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 03/03/2006 12:19

Ive replied to you emz on \link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?rn=39712&topicid=5&threadid=151039&redir=39712\this thread}

otto · 03/03/2006 12:19

I just wanted to lend my support as my ds - two-years old next week - rarely sleeps through and I know how awful it is. I have done controlled crying in the past and it worked until ds became ill and then started teething. We've got into really bad habits over the last year and it's now time to break them.

I doubt your dd is hungry, she's just got into the habit of waking and is used to you coming in to see her. CC may well work if you've got the guts to listen to the crying and protesting. Maybe you should wait for the weekend, or even next school holiday so as not to disrupt your other children too much. Agree a plan of action with your dp/dh and your other children and try and stick to it. It won't work unless you do.

If you can't stand the crying, you could stay in her room until she falls asleep. I've seen this done on supernanny. You sit on the floor by her cot and each night you move further and further away from her cot until you are out of the room. No eye contact, no speaking.

Whatever you try and I think it helps if you accept that it will take a while and you do need to be convinced that it will work.

Hope things get better for you soon.

Original poster

Emz25 · 03/03/2006 12:20

sounds good i will try this with some other advice i have been given!

fingers crossed!

OP posts:

Original poster

Emz25 · 03/03/2006 12:33

hi vicki i'm still watching the other thread i have 2 pages open and i'm flicking between both!

waiting for ur reply!

OP posts:

Original poster

Emz25 · 03/03/2006 12:39

thanks otto

we're the same it has been one thing after the other with her too u do get into bad habits then because its hard to be hard when u know they r not well!

i think i have fallen into the same trap shes defo waking out of habit and demanding my attention. I will try the controlled crying and post the results on here!

thanks

OP posts:

dionnelorraine · 11/03/2006 09:33

Hi, how is the sleeping going? Hopefully it is all sorted! My dd didnt sleep through until she was 9 months. I was exhausted! This was my fault though, being 1st time mum. i ran to her every little noise! eventually i used the CC method. It worked really well. Within 3 nights she was sleeping through. We left her for 5 mins then 10 mins and so on. The thing that helped me a lot was having a camera monitor. Although I could hear her crying which broke my heart, I could see that she was fine and it gave me the courage to leave her for longer. You can connect it to your tv screen,so I could actually see her breathing! It cost about £80, you can buy them from various sites and places like mothercare etc.
Let me know how its going :) xx

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