14month old still cant weightbear/stand/pull-up. Should I worry?

[ScampiFriesRuleOK]

My 14 month old still can't support his own weight when standing in my lap or on the floor (even with me holding him steady under his armpits). I know it's inadvisable to compare babies, but my cousin's 3 month old baby can already weight-bear in her lap, and the difference is staggering. He's falling way behind his peers too, and it's painful watching everyone else's toddler "toddle" but mine still present as a young baby.
For quite some time now we've been concerned about DS's rather slow gross motor skills (can't pull-up, can't cruise, can't put feet flat on floor, only started crawling on all fours at 13 months etc). One thing that really worries me is his "tippy-toes" stance, whereby he's always pointing his toes and cant seem to put his heels to the floor. By my calculations he has normal passive range of movement in the ankles (normal levels of flexion, so the achilles tendon is not the culprit). If I'm honest, I'm concerned that this could be due to anoxia at birth (he had cord round the neck, unresponsive at birth, needed resusc by the crash team etc). Since his traumatic birth, no-one has ever mentioned the possible effects of this, but I'm now starting to worry that it has had an effect on him (causing mild CP?).
But I'm really mindful of the fact that all babies develop at different rates and the 'normal' range is broad and not all babies fit into this etc etc. So on the one hand I've had this low to mid level anxiety and fear gnawing away at me for a while (telling me to visit the GP and ask for advice/tests) but on the other hand I keep thinking I should just give him time and not visit the GP as he will think I'm a hypochondriac with Munchaussen's-by-proxy.
I'm going round in circles between these two viewpoints, and seem to have a completely split view on it. It's like I'm stuck between the two thoughts, and this is therefore paralysing me out of any action at all.

Please help! I'd love people's views/thoughts/advice (especially people who have experience of similar developmental delay). Should I worry? Should I visit GP?

TBH, I think it is still within the realms of "normal" BUT as his mother you are anxious and fearful that something is wrong. These days, that is enough for a dr to take a look for you. They are very mindful now of "mothers instict"

I'm not saying there IS something, just that its better to have it seen to sooner if there is something

As an aside, my son suffered similar at birth, lost heartrate at delivery, needed assistance to start breathing etc, and he was late to do everything. Sat unaided at 11 months, pulled up at 15 months, crusied at 17. Didn't walk til he was 19 months. And like you, it was tough to see. He is now 6 and at pretty much the same level as his peers. So please don't worry too much

I would. I think you presented your arguments for investigating it further very well. It's not just a case of him not walking yet, but he can't weight bear either - and together with his difficult birth, I think it's worth looking into. I googled around and found this chart, which is quite useful, on when babies commonly reach their milestones: www.babycentre.co.uk/baby/development/milestonesfirst6months/

I don't have experience of this problem, but I do have a child with a disability. I'd trust your instincts and try not to worry what the doctor might think of you - after 15 years I have had to train myself to think, "it doesn't matter what they think of me, I'm not there to be their friend, I'm doing this for my child", and that has helped me quite a lot. Good luck.

Hi, my dd was like this, only I didnt spot it until she was crawling when everyone else was walking, she was diagnosed as being hypermobile, where the gross motor control is much slower to reach the legs and ankles.( lots of posts on here about hypermobility,) she is now 12 and apart from problems turning keys, she is a normal preteen!

Did your hv do an 8 month check? Also do you have a good hv, if you do, then they may be a good first port of call. Our ds is developmentally delayed in all areas, he is 2 now, but we first had doubts about his development when he was 6 months old, the hv came round and did something called a schedule of growing skills, which gives you an idea of how your child is developing and any areas where there may be concerns. From this, ds was referred to a community paediatrician, who then referred him on to a consultant, as it was determined that ds was delayed in all areas, and had gross hypotonia (low muscle tone in the whole body).

He has a whole range of support and therapy, and has undergone various tests for a reason behind his delays. With this support he has gone onto make great progress, he is a really happy little boy, who has been delayed in all his milestones and has to work a bit harder to get to the next stage.

I know exactly what you mean about worrying about the gp thinking you are some sort of neurotic crazy woman, I felt exactly the same, but I have found that with every single hcp i have come across, their first question is to me, to ask what my concerns are, and they have always taken my worries seriously. I think sometimes if you have that niggling doubt in the back of your mind, you have to go with it.

I hope that our experience with ds doesn't freak you out, lots of children do just take a bit longer to catch up, but others do need some intervention, and the earlier you can start that, the better things will be for all of you.

Try not to think of it as an 'either / or' situation. You can go to the doctor share your medical concerns and ask for a referral AND Then go home and reassure yourself that your little one is in the normal milestones but that you are also awaiting a referral. In the meantime - this will give you the space to not feel so anxious, knowing that you are awaiting a referral.

No one will dismiss you as an 'anxious' parent. Your concerns seem valid to me and physio may be all that is needed.

My ds2 was like this, he never rolled, was late sitting/crawling didn't weight bear at all. He was seen by a paed (for a different condition) who never made much of his mobility. He finally saw a physio (when I insisted) and he has hypermobile joints and a low tone core. I'm not saying that's what your lo has, but you know your own child best and even if they tell you everything is fine you need to check this out to put your mind at ease. I have often felt like people thought 'you want there to be something wrong', I don't, but if there is, I want to know as early as possible and do something about it if I can.
Good luck.

Thank you so much to everyone for your brilliant advice/experiences/replies. I've found them so helpful.

SlimJim - You're right about "mothers' instinct", and I'm relieved to hear that GP's respect that. I'm glad to hear your LO has now caught up with peers, despite the delay and the difficult birth. It was a comfort to read someone who had a similar experience of birth complications, but whose LO has come through unscathed (albeit in his own sweet time).

OneWay - Thank you for your wise sentiment- you massively hit the nail on the head when you said that it's important to remember that we're not there to be the Dr's friend, they don't have to like us, it doesn't matter what they think of us! I'm a bugger for worrying what impression I'm making and apologizing for my very existence when seeing the doc. But your words have resonated with me, and I'll use that to bolster my nerve. Thank you. And that website link is great - v informative.

HazyJane - I'm so glad your DS has had the right tests and support to fulfill his potential and is a happy great little boy. You certainly sound like you had a good HV! I'd never really seen a HV (until today), just the extremely young dizzy nursery nurse from the HV team instead, who paid a cursory visit at 10 months, didn't check him over (just asked me some general Q's), said she'd call back at 12 months to check on the weight-bearing, then never did .

daytoday and laura4jasmine - thanks for your words of advice and support re: sometimes needing to be a bit "pushy" to get things investigated, and this not meaning I'm an anxious parent. You're right.

So...an update since this morning... After reading your replies I decided to strike while the iron was hot and called my HV team office. For the first time ever I spoke with a real HV (not a nursery nurse) who said she'd come out today to do a proper check on him and if necessary refer for investigations... HOORAY!! .
I dashed about all morning to get back in time for the lunchtime visit, only to be told as soon as she arrived that she wouldn't be doing any checking of him (the GP has to do this apparently?!?! ) and soft-soaped with the same old patronising bullshit as follows:
HV: "Try not to compare to other babies", "it could be nothing to worry about" blah blah blah.
Me: (inwardly) YES! I KNOW ALL THAT! WHAT IS THE POINT OF YOUR VISIT THEN???!!! YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO CHECK HIM OVER THEN DO A REFERRAL. WAS THAT JUST A LIE THEN?

So, off she goes, me none the wiser, just thoroughly patronised and frustrated, and having now missed the GP opening hours (closed on Thurs arvo). Great. .

Sorry for the rant! I'm all fired up with frustrated dynamism now to get this sorted, and have to wait until tomorrow to book GP appt, by which time I'll be in a confused torpor again.

Just a quick update. We took DS to the GP on Monday, who was wet and indecisive, and hardly said a word. I ended up having to ask her to check his hips (argh) and ask for a referral (aaaargh). She said she'd get the surgery's HV to do a referral (not holding my breath) and I don't know where to.
Anyhow, hopefully the ball is rolling now. Not sure whether to follow-up by checking that a referral has been done. Or would that make me a bona fide "pushy mother"?!

Who cares if they think you're a pushy mother? If you don't check they've done the referral it may not happen and then you'll be kicking yourself even more.

You've been very patient and sensible and waited until your instincts are screaming at you that there is something wrong. Now you need someone to listen to you and hopefully give you a genuine reason to be reassured.

I have a great deal of personal experience of being told by well-meaning and experienced professionals that there is nothing wrong with my children only to find later that they were wrong and my instincts were spot on. Don't let that happen to you.

If comparing babies was such a bad thing then why do we have developmental checklists and growth charts created by collating information about how large numbers of babies develop and designed specifically to be used to compare babies to.

I think you've gone past the stage where you need to be told to relax and not be too competitive. You now need your concerns to be recognised and to be given some decent answers.

Keep focussing on the fact that you are your baby's only advocate and it is your job to make sure that if he needs some sort of intervention he gets it. It took me a long time to learn to be firm and clear in what I was asking professionals to do and we lost ground while I was doing that. Learn from my mistakes and make your wishes clear from day one.

Get on the phone today and ask the practice manager if the referral has been done and, if so, who it is to and how long it will take.

I've only read a it of the thread but you message reminded me of a friends dd3 who just lifted her legs up and refused to weightbear until 18months. She is now 3 and at 2 would walk a bit and then just sit down (even in the middle of the road!)

I personally would get her checked and if your instincts tell you something is wrong then push for a specialist, but children develop differently so don't stress, it will come x

Not a pushy mother at all, Scampi. I have spent whole afternoons on the phone trying to find out when appointments are going to happen, or results are going to be in. Ds's physio, said to me at the beginning (when I said exactly the same as you! ie I don't want them to think i am a pushy, neurotic mother!) - 'Hazey, you are your son's best advocate, you will be his best therapist and you will be in charge of keeping on top of it all.'

I also ended up changing our gp, when my old one was absolutely useless about ds.

In ds's case he was referred to a community paediatrician after the hv had assessed him as delayed. The paed asked lots of questions about the birth and his development.

Please keep us updated, I started this thread on the special needs boards when it became apparent that ds did have problems and would need some intervention. It is still going now, and there are a few of us on there who have been through the process of assessments and physio etc, so please find us if you want to ask for any advice or have a panic (we are ALL pushy mothers on there!)

Scampi - my dd has mild CP. A big indicator can be seen when learning to sit. If the muscle tone is too tight, sitting up will be a difficult milestone to achieve.

I think if your GP had seen any neurological indicators you would have been told tbh. However, I don't think that you are being pushy at all to ask for a physio referral. If there are any issues at all, early physio will make a real difference.

Good luck and hope all is well