Screaming and kicking during nappy changes

[pettyprudence]

Argh really need some help.

From a few weeks old until he learnt to roll over at 6 months, ds LOVED having his nappy change, but as soon as he got mobile, he has screamed and kicked during EVERY single nappy change and he is now 15months.

He does this with anyone, in whatever way they change his nappy (forgot to warn the childminder!). I normally change him across my lap as its harder for him to escape.

I have tried ignoring, distracting, telling him firmly to stop, talking him through what is happening, asking him for co-operation (help mummy take off your trousers etc...), made it a game etc... NOTHING works. I thought it would be easier once he was walking because we could use pull ups, but still no good, because he just will not keep still.

Today I lost it with him - I shouted horrible things and grabbed his arm. I honestly do not know if I hit him or not :( On the one hand I feel like an awful human being, but on the other, I've had 9 months of him screaming and kicking me multiple times a day EVERY day.

On a general note, he lashes out when cross (Hmm wonder why ?) and is only just beginning to understand that when Mummy says no, she means no (this still results in a screaming meltdown and a gazzilion attempts to do x,y,z though) but only when she starts to shout it. He just won't be distracted and there is never for warning of a meltdown (unless its because I've said no). This is emotionally exhausting for both of us, and like most people, I did not set out to be a shouty grumpy mother :(

The other 99% of the day, my ds is an absolute angel and so very very happy! I really enjoy his company.

So short of getting a nanny in to do the nappy changes, what can I do? I'm feeling really fed up and defeated.

Try this:

Start by picking him up. Then sit down next to the change mat and lay him down on his back. Then use your left leg to pin him down, with the SOFT part of the back of your leg over his chest, just enough to stop the wiggling. You then have both hands to change him.
He'll probably wiggle and protest, but learn fairly quickly that the wiggling won't get him anywhere.
Because you can use both hands you should be able to do the change pretty quickly.
At the end - and this is crucial - when you are finished, pick him up onto you, say well done, then let him go. This is really important because when YOU pick him up, YOU are telling him when he can get up.
After a few changes he should settle and not move anymore. Once this happens, over time, when he doesn't wiggle, let a little weight off. If he moves, put the pressure back on. That way he will learn that if he doesn't wiggle, the leg won't be there. After a while if he doesn't move, sit with your leg in an arch over him, so it doesn't touch. (But if he goes to roll over bring it down). That way after a few changes you can not use the leg, and he should stay on his back.
BE GENTLE!!!

If Amma's way doesn't work could you go back to trying to have a mobile or something distracting above his head to keep him still. Can sympathise as my DS has learnt that he can spin over and he is off so sometimes takes 2 to change, he also has screaming/hitting fits sometimes but I make him stay there until I am done not when he chooses.

You could also try getting him to put on and take off nappy on a teddy so when he is good enough he can help you with tabs etc.

My DS was like this too (long time ago now!) so I always had to change him on the floor, as it was safest, and used to pin him with my leg as Amma suggests. It did get a bit better when he became interested in tv and Ceebeebies would distract him.

My 10mo has started doing this, love Amma's tip as have tried mobile/distraction to no avail and am fed up of being covered in wee and poo!

Try pull ups - you can make it into a game! Put one hand through the hole of one leg of the pull up and grab his foot (playfully - no brute force or anything!) then with your other hand just whip the nappy back over your hand and up his leg (hope that makes sense!). It works brilliantly, even better if he's crawling away!

Then quickly do the other leg (the art is to do this really quickly before foot no. 1 comes out of the first hole).

Then just rip 'em off when you need to change him in whatever postion he's in - no need to lie him down (tip - if it's a dirty one kind of grasp the poo from the outside of the nappy then rip the sides with the other hand - stops poo flying everywhere)

Is far less stressful in my experience than grappling with a wriggly screaming creature.

HTH

Tried Amma's tip earlier and it only flipping worked!

Thank you!

Thanks for the replies - going to give Ammas tip a go tomorrow - I knew mn would come up with something new for me!

My Ds is 17 months and is the same. I just wash him off in the shower if he has done a poo, I don't want to turn it in to a battle.

Mine does this too, he's also 15 months. The only distraction that works is giving him an irresistibly interesting object that he only gets to look at when I'm changing his bum. I keep some near the change table. Current winners are a small clockwork robot and a kazoo. :)

My fool proof way is to stand 15 mth old ds in the bath and put on nappy. He usually picks up bottles and toys and that distracts him. Works a treat.

just coming back to say ammas method is really working! He's even going to lie on the changing mat now when I ask him and I can get halfway through chaning him before he kicks off again!

Tried the upright, in the bathroom method, which might work once teething (bad poos) is over and we are in pull ups.

Thank you everyone :)

pettyprudence - Glad it's working for you. I wrote it really carefully because I was worried I would get grief for basically saying, 'pin him down with the back of your leg', but there's obviously a bit more to it than that.

If you do use the standing up method, I would highly recommend never, ever, ever letting ds pull off his own nappy. The reason being you really don't want him to learn that he can decide when to take it off. That way he will hopefully never wake up at 5.30 a.m while you're still asleep, have a big poo and then try to 'change himself' in his cot! It's not nice!

I will bare that top tip in mind Amma!

My leg is nothing compared the leather straps and straight jacket I contemplated for him!! Bizarly he seems to have done a complete 180 on being changed and has decided its quite nice after all! My boy appears to like being pinned down

AmmaBS - thank you sooo much - works like a charm. She doesn't even fight me - amazing!

I don't understand Ammas tip... Are you facing away from the baby, is it your calf you are using??

stottie your sat to the side of your baby - you're sort of at right angles to each other. I lie ds down and then my calf goes over his tummy like a bridge, my other leg is sticking out at an awkward angle Not sure I'm making that any clearer really!

Use the under side of your knee across his rib cage. Like a bridge across them.

After a few days, my ds now lies down on the mat, grabs my leg to go over him if im not quick enough and afterwards he picks up the mat and puts it away for me. I'm over the moon

i think this is quite common and (dont shoot me) may reflect a shame or dislike of still 'going' in nappies. have you considered starting using the potty?

I wish he was ready for a potty Lara - the boy would quite happily sit in a poop filled nappy all day. He has no idea when he is pooping or peeing!

I haven't experienced this myself as dd only 3 months old but thought if have a read anyway. Having a little chuckle to myself as it seems that it's the boys that are doing this! Typical boys eh!

Can't thank you enough AmmaBS.
You've totally changed nappy time.
Sounded a bit harsh laying a leg across the chest but no pressure needed, the leg just being there calms DD.