Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

Sharing in 29 month old toddler

6 replies

MrsHelsBels74 · 09/07/2012 20:05

Went to soft play today & son had a total meltdown when a slightly older girl wanted to play on the same equipment as he was on. Son goes to nursery 2 days a week & we do try & go to baby groups on my days off work too, but not every week.

When do children start to understand about sharing? I've not had any reports from nursery about his behaviour so I'm not overly concerned, more curious.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Sirzy · 09/07/2012 20:10

DS is 32 months and is just starting to understand the idea of sharing. In that I mean he will tell people they have to share with him but not so keen when it is him doing the sharing!

OddBoots · 09/07/2012 20:13

The new EYFS says for 16-26m

? Begins to learn that some things are theirs, some things are shared, and some things belong to other people.

But this is just a "typical range of development" and only says 'Begins to' and doesn't account for being in a possibly strange and loud environment.

mewkins · 09/07/2012 20:20

My 24mo dd understands it perfectly - she grabs something out of another child's hands shouting 'share! share! share!' Hmmm, think she may have got the wrong end of the stick there!!

Sylvie1980 · 09/07/2012 21:15

Sorry oddboots I don't think the EYFS thing is helpful really.

It is the concept of ownership that is being referred to there, which is precisely why many children struggle with 'sharing' as we as adults see it. As far as the OP's DC was concerned, that the toy was 'his' (he was there first). So he was showing a perfect demonstration of that skill! It will be easier for him to understand 'shared' objects when he has seen another child using it first, for example.

He will get it. But sharing is a difficult concept when you are 2. Turn-taking is easier to understand. I'd suggest in this situation saying 'it is this little girl's turn. As soon as she has finished, it will be your turn.' When it is children you know well (it's harder in a soft play when you don't know the other DC/parents) say that the first child can play with it until you count to 10 (at whatever pace you think is fair) and then pass on the toy to your DC for their turn. They need to see that they will get a turn, within a timescale that they can appreciate (i.e. not in 5 or 10 minutes - that's too long).

My 30 month old is much much much better than he was, but still a nightmare in certain situations, particularly with 'his' toys at home. I need to be close at hand and able to comment on his impulses, e.g. 'It's XX's turn. It will be your turn next,' or 'XX would really like to play with that car. Since you're playing with it, can you find another car to share with XX. Please make sure that she has a car to play with too.' I don't expect him to be able to share without adult intervention for some time yet. My focus at the moment is on stopping him from snatching things (and potentially hurting the other DC) and learning patience in the turn taking. Maybe in a year or two........

ImaCleverClogs · 09/07/2012 21:53

Ds is 2.0 and I agree that taking turns, "these things are for everyone to play with / on", "there is plenty of space for everyone" is achievable at this type of age.

Sometimes ds gives me something he doesn't want like a chewed up red pepper stick and I say thank you and something positive about getting this makes me feel happy blah blah. Not sure if this will sink in at all but stops me from being sarcastic about his amazing gifts.

ZuleikaD · 10/07/2012 21:30

I'm a childcare professional and I never, ever use the word 'share'. Toddlers do not understand it and personally I loathe the word. They can get the concept of ownership (this is mine, that is yours, the tricycle belongs to everyone), they can have a small amount of patience to take turns (especially if you have a two-minute sand timer which is an investment I can thoroughly recommend) if they're well praised for it, but 'sharing' is a mythical concept. I have seen plenty of parents tell their children to 'share' without any explanation - so as far as the toddler is concerned they're just being told to give up something they feel they have a perfect right to. For a toddler, the world might end in the next hour and it's incredibly important that they spend their last available minutes playing with This Particular Thing. Don't tell them to share.

OP, public spaces will be stressful for him for some time to come, but he will get more used to the concept of taking turns.

Flip