Please dont laugh, my son has really upset me

[WhatIsGoingOn]

Im a regular with a name change obviously. All afternoon my neighbour's kitten has been in our house. (we have cats of our own) and my children have been loving it to death and playing with it. My son is 8 and he adores animals. I was sitting here at the pc when i suddenly noticed ds doing something very strange. He had this kitten held in the air, both of his hands around its throat, shaking it. He wasn't laughing or anything like that, he looked in a trance if anything. I cried out in shock and he dropped the cat. I can't believe he did something so cruel.

Now before you think my son is just a nasty little stbag (as tbh i think i would if i saw another child do this), my son is the most gentle boy you could ever meet. This is why it worries me so much, it is so out of character for him. He's never been like other boys his age, he doesn't even stamp on ants! He loves all creatures. He writes me letters telling me how much he loves me. He still takes a soft toy to bed (i know, i know). Sometimes i worry he's too soft but he is a really nice child, is polite and well behaved. He doesnt ever have tempers, he hardly ever cries (in fact apart from when he was a baby i think i've only ever seen him cry about 3 times).

But he does have a tendency to act very strangely at times. He gets "moody". Very much how teenagers do aswell. He thinks strange thoughts. Just before he did this he had made a little book with pictures of our cats in it and their names. It was a sweet book apart from the bit that said "It's nice to have dark powers" and pictures of animal "gods". I kid you not. It freaked me out, (i dont mean that i think he's possessed, i dont believe in all that stuff!). I just mean it freaks me out that he has thoughts like that and i dont know where it has come from, this little boy is scared of his own shadow.

Im upset. I dont know why he acts the way he does. His behaviour seems to me that of an abused child. (not this incident in particular but his general "wierdness" ), but he's had a very good childhood. He's well loved and cared for, has everything he wants (within reason). I dont know where im going wrong and have been feeling like this for some time, tonight was just the last straw. He was such a happy, bright toddler full of sunshine and over the last few years he's turned into this strange, withdrawn, overly sensitive boy.

I asked him why he hurt the cat. He looked totally ashamed and upset and said he didnt mean to. I told him that he knew doing that to the cat could hurt or even kill it. He just said he didnt know why he did it.

Now if you're going to take the piss please dont do it here, i know it may appear comical to some of you but i really don't need that right now. Am hoping for some explaination or advice on why my son is doing things like this.

Thanks for reading if you got this far.

hi wigo

first I think being a bit sadistic is sadly normal behaviour for a child. Irrelevant of gender (women have teststerone too you know, and apparently, the more testosterone the gentler the man ) God, think how mean and bitchy little girls can be! Anyway-

The thing is, it sounds like you're worried anyway. And what you've described could be evidence of eg a mental health problem. Or it could be normal. He's not that far off being a teenager.

I'd get it checked out. If there is a problem, its better for him that its sorted. If you're worrying about nothing...so be it.

Some good posts here. I agree about everyone, children included, having a darker or rather a fantasy side. We learn to conceal this most of the time as adults, but at 8 a child is starting to weigh up the wider world and their place in it.

I can clearly remember being in a world of my own as a child and looking back not always a lighthearted one - I could be thoughtful and introspective too. Actually, I can still be like that!

What would happen if I was a different person or behaved totally out of character? Tv and games can bring this into sharper relief of course. Also, don't forget your son may have been kept away from things you may wish him not to see, but he could be playing with others who have not.

I would be shocked too if my boy was unkind to an animal especially as he is usually kind. But I really think that as it is so out of character it is more likely to be the behaviour of a child perhaps trying to make sense of the less than wonderful world in which we live.

I try to protect my children from all the horrors in the world but it does bring me up with a start when they suddenly notice something violent or cruel.It is as if their childhood has been invaded - but the thing is inevitably it will be as they grow up

When children take something new on board, I suppose it has to be examined and thought through thoroughly before it is filed under good or bad. If it happens to be a shocking concept to them - one they may not have considered before - then the more examination it requires iyswim.

I'm sure you still have your happy boy in there but he's growing up and processing the bigger and harsher realities of life. The advice here is good, liase with the school - something could be amiss there - and the gp too if you feel it would help. Mostly though keep the communication going between you both.

like i say i don't believe that he does have any, but it's important i think to say that imo mental health problems in children in the vast majority of cases are family problems not the child's problem iyswim.

Agree very much on that, Sophable...it would be great if GPs were quicker to refer to family therapy (if anything) and slower to refer to child psychiatrists etc. Not always, obviously, but as a generalization.
Speaking as one who had the role of 'The Problem' in my family....

glad you posted that elibean....hard to post things like that as people get v defensive but i find it v disturbing how often people talk about mental health problems in children as if somehow they were born that way....rarely if ever the case....most often the child is acting out a family drama or is being the 'named patient' when actually the 'sickness' lies elsewhere in the family.

agree totally with elibean and sophable.
experienced something similar with my family.

How are you feeling about it, whatisgoing on?

Yes, I wondered how you were doing too? Have we helped you at all? I hope so.

Sorry to butt in so late - just read this thread and wanted to see if you were ok and add agreement that this kind of behaviour is generally very normal and could be actually considered quite healthy - better that he experiment in a relatively safe way, where he knew there was a possibility he would be found out, than that he repress all his dark feelings - although admittedly not so nice for the cat. But I think that's one of the reasons why kids have pets anyway, to work out their responses to things that are needy and weak. And it's true that if you have power over something it is easy to hurt it. It must be very scary for you though and I think it's really important not to scare your ds further by your response. Only you know if the other stuff - the dreaminess, alterity, etc - surrounding it - is really cause for concern, but I would give yourself a few days to calm down about this incident before you look at the wider picture.

Hi WIGO. I just dropped into this thread to see if there was any update and to find out how you were doing too.

Thanks everyone. I was really surprised at getting such a big response. I'm going to talk to his teacher when i go down to the school next week. He was completely normal the next day, still didn't know why he'd done it. Someone mentioned the picture of the "gods". It did look like an "egyptian type" drawing although i couldn't put my finger on it at the time. Perhaps they have been learning about that at school.

Perhaps he was trying to test the 9 lives theory, as someone else said. He does have a tendency to take things very literally!

I'll see what the school say and take it from there, but your posts have been hugely reassurring. I was having a real "i'm such a terrible mother" moment when it happened. What a shock it was to see that side of him.

I'll let you know how i get on

Well you sound very different now to your initial posts. Good to hear! I thought there were some brill posts on here actually, too many to mention by name.

WIGO, good to hear you sounding happier!

I agree that it is something that a lot of children go through and don't even realise that they are being cruel IYSSWIM - i remember a couple of similar incidents when i was little that I am still ashamed of 30 odd years later!

I think you would be right to worry if he hadn't shown remorse, but clearly he did so try and put it behind you.

it sounds like a normal one off incident to me. The thing with the drawings does not sound worrying to me. when i was a child i remember drawing gravestones and even putting names on them, my mum was horrified but i wasn't wishing anyone dead or anything, to me i was just finding it fun.
what does worry me though is that you say he dispalys other very strange behaviour, that he is a strange child. what sort of thing are you meaning?