Highly strung children.

[Pippinintherain]

I am actually at my wits end with 5 yo DS.

He's always been a tad on the "dramatic" side and its so bloody wearing.
He whines and whines then kicks off if things don't go his way. He's lovely when he wants to be, but when he's in this mood he's awful

He thinks nothing of smacking me or his brother if something doesn't suit, I've never given in to his demands so I don't know why he bothers arguing about stuff.

I've tried time outs, sticker charts and taking toys away if he smacks and I try to ignore him if he whinges.

What can I do to improve it? He's good as gold at school so clearly it's me who's the problem I really have had enough.

Well it's good that you are trying to do something about this, but difficult to advise because you say you have tried all the usual methods. Where do you think it's going wrong?

Also, is brother older or younger and why do you think he behaves differently?

My DD1 (almost 4) is the same.

SUCH a bloody drama queen. Lashes out at her little sister on occasion too (though her sister is well hard and could easily take her )

No advice, just wanted to say - you are not alone.

Oh, and with DD1 sleep is probably key to keeping her on an even keel, she needs 14 hours a night or she's unbearable

This probably isnt very helpful but I do think its his age. At 5 he has nothing else in his arsenal to use so he goes to whining and hitting every time. As the years go by he'll start to reason with you before going to whining, then he'll storm off and so on

However, if its really becoming a problem then you need to treat it as a bad behaviour. I remember the first time I saw someone say to their child 'stop that noise RIGHT NOW' and the child stopped. I remember thinking 'I didnt know you could do that!'

I'm sure you do know this, Im just expressing the fact that because whinning is an attention seeking behaviour people often think they shouldnt even punish it as that is attention.

I would ignore for a while, depending on where you are and what you're doing then say very calmly 'DS, I have said no. Stop whinning/hitting/stropping or insert appropriate time out, toy taken away or no pudding type punishment'
When he ups the whinning by about 100x, which he will, repeat what you just said and tell him he has one last chance. If he whines, hits or whatever then carrying the punishment through.

The first couple of times he may way scream the place down in outrage. At 5 they just dont understand WHY they cant have their own way as, as far as they know, they are the MOST IMPORTANT PERSON in the world. Evenutally he will learn 'stop whinning' means 'stop whinning'. Or at least, thats the idea.

Personally I wouldn't call this highly strung.

To me highly strung is the child who is so wound up they can't eat/sleep the night before they do something new. Or the child who is so worried about going to a friend's house after school that they feel/are actually sick in the morning. They're not dramatic about it, if anything quieter than normal, but just worry so much it can make them ill over things that the rest of their friends are not bothered or even excited about.

Fedup, I don't know where it's going wrong, hence posting here. His brother is 3 and doesn't behave like this, I don't know why.

Dewe, apologies for using the wrong terminology, I want to say little shititis but I'm sure that will be frowned upon.

He's been like this as long as I can remember, everyone says its a phase, its clearly a bloody long one! Its also not nice to know other people think he's annoying, friends have commented about it.

I feel so drained with it all. I love him dearly but somedays....

Its good to know I'm not alone, I feel like I could win a shit mother award.

Have a google of Pathological Demand Avoidance if the Jeckyll and Hyde thing is a real problem. Life in our house has been much easier since DS2's paed suggested this and we've stopped trying to do normal parenting.

Pippin I like that terminology. All my dc suffer from that at times! Sorry I sounded really narky.

My DS1 has always been like this. He's now 9 1/5 and still has to argue, strop, have the last word. I don't think it's down to my parenting, although I am quite a "shouty mummy", as I've tried everything to change his behaviour and my DS2 and DSS1 are not like this. Ultimately I think it's his personality, nothing more. Now he's older I know exactly when he will kick off and if he doesn't I praise him loads, saying, "you know what Miles, I thought you would argue with me then, but you didn't so thank you for your good behaviour, it's nice". It makes quite a bit of difference. When the drama stuff happens, we now have a policy of room-time. The only thing that works is separating DS1 from everything, sending to his room to calm down and he actually enjoys his own company.

So my advice is to send him into isolation when he does is and realise that maybe you can't change his personality, you just have to learn to live round it. It does get easier as they get older.

Have a look at Magic 1-2-3 by thomas phelan
Would work for pathological demand avoidance or oppositional defiance.
Cut whining with my 3 in half!
Bit old school but very calm which I liked
Hth

www.amazon.co.uk/Raising-Your-Spirited-Child-Perceptive/dp/0060923288

I found this book really interesting. It was recommended on MN a few years ago when I wrote a similar post. It's on eBay dead cheaply all the time.

I love the "spirited child" euphemism!