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reward & behaviour charts

9 replies

Shaz2011 · 07/07/2012 09:30

I had 3 sons my eldest is 8 & his behaviour is out of control have tried token chart & sticker charts if anyone can give me suggestions on chart ideas please help I am going mad Angry

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Sastra · 07/07/2012 09:35

Can you say a little more about what you're looking for help with? Is it the behaviours you want to target, or the actual rewards...?

Shaz2011 · 07/07/2012 10:19

Mostly his behaviour as that is what needs working on

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Sastra · 07/07/2012 14:32

Okay, we'll firstly you need to isolate exactly which behaviours you would like to work on. It's important not to work on more than a couple at a time - too many and it's unlikely to be successful.

Which are the most pressing ones?

Wellthen · 07/07/2012 19:32

While I do agree with Sastra that some behaviours need separating (bedtime and eating behaviours are the most common) I think it is also possible to target bad behaviour in general.

It very much depends on where the bad behaviour comes from but often the difficulty in dealing with it comes from the fact the child isnt used to be 'dealt with'. This when bad behaviour begins to spiral and as you say become out of control. If he is as uncontrollable as you describe then you need to see him as a blank slate - he must currently simply learn the forbidden and not forbidden, when he has grasped this you can focus on the why.

Before you tackle where behaviours come from you need a system in place to control him when he disobeys. This way it is a blanket that covers hitting, shouting, swearing, running off, being mean etc etc. This is the beauty of 'naugty step' - it doesnt matter what the behaviour, they are told once and if they dont comply there is a consequence. (I'm not saying you should use this btw, I actually think at 8 with 'uncontrollable' behaviour he is past naughty step)

For this to work you have to be really committed. The reason many people find charts and punishment systems dont work is because, in all honesty, they dont use them every time. Sometimes they let things go, sometimes they do the punishment but not all the way. Behaviour is a learning process. You have to come down hard now, you can ease off later when he learns to manage his own behaviour. Children need guidance in their behaviour. Sometimes 'because I said so' is the only reason that will do.

Sastra · 07/07/2012 21:09

If you can I'd get hold of a copy of The Incredible Years, by Webster-Stratton. It's something the I and most of my colleagues use (obviously among other things) to work work with families with children with challenging behaviours (I'm a CAMHS Psychologist).

Sastra · 07/07/2012 21:13

Sorry, I just realised that that last message might sound as if I'm being dismissive. What I really mean is that as Wellthen points out, the causes ad circumstances are so individual it can be difficult to give specific help to people without meeting then and their child. The book is honestly really helpful or explaining all of these concepts and the order in which to tackle things to be most helpful Smile

Shaz2011 · 07/07/2012 22:31

I also think naughty step is not suitable for him I use it for my other child but not for him so could you give me some other suggestions

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Wellthen · 08/07/2012 11:19

I think we do need to know a little more. All I meant by my first post was you dont need different methods for each behaviour but it is difficult to help if we dont know what he does. Is he defiant? Does he display angry behaviours? Is it a kind of giddiness - he gets completely wound up and over excited?

The only thing I can suggest without knowing the child is timeout in his bedroom or other suitable room. I think the more extreme the behaviour the more immediate the punishment needs to be so sticker charts etc dont always work as the reward is delayed. However the two can of course be combined so that he has postive reinforcement.

When he is badly behaved warn him and then if he continues put him in the chosen room. He will scream, throw things etc. You need to be prepared to hold the door closed and remain calm. Obviously if you feel he is in danger then thats different but try to ignore even if you know things are being broken. After 8 minutes let him out. This gives him time to calm down.

Shaz2011 · 08/07/2012 11:31

He gets annoyed over the little things than gets worked up so I send him to his room until he has calmed down & he trashes the room & goes for my other son he kicks punches & has tried to strangle my son twice he has also kicked & punched me

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