Sensitive - inappropriate conversation & play from 3 year old

[stirfriedrocket]

Name changed as this is sensitive.

My 3.10 year old DS has today come out with some things which I am not entirely comfortable with. It is not the first time that this has happened. I do not want to repeat verbatim what he has said (for fear of encouraging the wrong kind of attention), but basically he has been talking about 'the act'. He has also been encouraging his little brother to take part in play involving his body parts.

He is at the 3 year old 'obsessed with a certain body part' stage anyway, so it wouldn't take much to capture his interest. The things he has said have been said in a very light hearted way - he has been giggling and finding it funny.

He told me that his friend (a couple of months younger) told him about "this" and encouraged him to do silly things (but not anything awful - things like putting a leaf on his willy, and showing his willy to his friends). He says that he didn't do anything and told her not to be silly. I believe his version of events.

The friend in question is basically a nice little girl and I am close to her mum, but with some reservations. I don't think this mum is very careful about the tv programmes her daughter is exposed to, and the conversations (this is the biggie for me) which her daughter is allowed to overhear. I think that this is where the little girl gets her language & ideas from (and I also wonder if her mum has answered her questions in a very factual manner - she seems to know a lot).

Not sure it I'm overreaction and being really prudish? I find this a really inappropriate topic of conversation for 3 year olds, and it's not something which I'd have chosen to expose my son to. That said, none of the language in itself was dodgy (in adult terms), and the things which he came out with were basically factually correct.

So what to I do? So far I have told him that these are his private parts, and he shouldn't be showing them to or discussing them with anyone other than his parents. He's going to be seeing less of this friend in the future, for various reasons, but I'm uncomfortable with leaving him alone with her at all now.

I wouldn't say that you were being oversensitive at all. It is a sensitive issue, with dangers on both sides. You don't want to make him oversensitive about it, but you need to make sure that he understands that it isn't acceptable to do anything remotely sexual. Basic factual detail is fine, in my opinion, at three, although many disagree reasonably.

Keep the conversation open - at least he felt able to tell you what his friend had been asking him to do. Don't overstress the issue but make sure, please, that he doesn't ever go along with her in this.

Im not sure what your discomfort is? Is it that your son knows terms that make you uncomfortable? Or something more than that? Truth is, different parents will talk to their DCs in different ways about the facts of life and you cant control it Im afraid. Im pretty open. I have friends that would wince at what I say. But I answer a direct question directly.

I'm a bit unclear from your OP, but if I understand correctly when you say That said, none of the language in itself was dodgy (in adult terms), and the things which he came out with were basically factually correct. then I would not have any issues.

Oops. I obviously misunderstood the op and overreacted.

I'm fine with basic factual knowledge, obviously.

Thanks for your replies. It is useful to hear other opinions.

I think my discomfort stems from the fact that I felt that there were slightly sexual overtones to what had been discussed (i.e. it wasn't just a case of "the man and the woman do this and they make a baby - there was no mention of babies). But it was quite subtle.

As an isolated incident I wouldn't be that concerned, but there was an incident about 6 months ago with the same child which made me very uncomfortable (in summary she asked my son to touch her bottom, and then shouted at him "Don't touch me like that! I am not a toy for you to play with!". I did raise this with her mum and was told that she was basically acting out a scene from Aladdin (haven't seen it myself).

Sorry to drip feed. Fundamentally I am not against him knowing the basic facts (and am comfortable with him knowing the terminology), but I would like to control the way in which he finds out, and not have him hear it from another 3 year old with an unusually adult perspective.

That's not a line from Disney's Aladdin. I'd really wonder what she has been allowed to watch!

Lady I do wonder what she's been allowed to watch! I think she's a bit of a nightmare at bedtime so her parents just get on with their evening while she stays up. Her mum is also very open about discussing things (e.g. her relationship issues, other people's affairs) in front of her DCs.

Sorry, I know my OP was cryptic, it would be much easier if I could just post exactly what he had said, but I'm wary of attracting the wrong kind of attention.

My little boy is the same age and although he comments and shows me and DH when he gets a 'big willy', and often puts his hand down his pants when he's relaxing on the sofa (er, just like his dad) he's pretty oblivious. I think 3 is really young to know any of the details! I don't think his friends do. I'd feel the same as you if I were you and id prob try and reduce contact with the little girl in question. So I don't think you're over reacting no! I'd be completely shocked if my DS knew anything along those lines. They obviously can't help getting 'big willies' but I don't think they should be relating that to anything other than a bodily thing that just happens. Not at 3 anyway!

Ps there definitely isn't anything in Aladdin like that either!

The line in Aladdin is "I am not a prize to be won" (Jasmine). My sister and I used to act out scenes many a moon ago.

I wouldn't worry too much, maybe she has been exposed to some inappropriate TV or conversations but she will still process it in the innocent way of a 3 yr old, poor thing, she probably hasn't got a clue what she's going on about. My DD is at preschool, she's had one boy pull her pants down in front of everyone, and another girl who says things like, 'I hate you', 'you're a poo-poo face' (my DD is mixed race) and other horrible things. We don't know where they pick these things up from, but they are still small children and really don't know what they're saying or acting out. If you were talking about 6/7/8 yrs, fine, I'd be very concerned but not at 3.

Also, when I was very young myself, I remember my 6 yr old cousin trying to strangle her 1 yr old sister, reallly truly strangling her, before my aunt intervened! They're both very normal now and have a good sisterly relationship now!