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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Confused 22 month old

13 replies

IcanandIwill · 05/07/2012 20:56

I have a very confused 22 month old DD and am really struggling with her behaviour.

My husband died very suddenly two months ago. A week later I gave birth to our son. So poor DD has had a hell of a lot of change to deal with and it's hard to know what she understands.

She's never been a good eater or sleeper and these things have just got worse and worse. Consequently she's waking several times in the night and asking for milk.

Her behaviour is getting worse and worse. She's very defiant and bites, hits and kicks her big sister all the time.

I'm struggling to comprehend what's happend so I totally get that she's confused too. I just want to help her. Anyone got any advice?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

JiltedJohnsJulie · 05/07/2012 21:16

Haven't got any advice for you sorry Ican but didn't want you to go unanswered. Are you and your dds getting any counselling?

Original poster

IcanandIwill · 05/07/2012 21:27

I am and my 5 year old is but I'm at a loss with what to do with the toddler.

OP posts:

mcfee · 05/07/2012 21:34

I have no advice. Just want to say am so sorry for your situation, you must all be so lost & confused just now. What area are you in - can any of us help you on a practical level?

essexmumma · 05/07/2012 21:55

Sorry no advice here either but had to say I am so sorry you are your DC's are going through this.

5madthings · 05/07/2012 22:02

no advice but have you been in contact with winstons wish? i think they are supposed to be very good at helping bereaved children and they may have some tips for how to help your toddler?

she is very young nad all she knows is daddy is gone :( and ahving a new sibling is always hard regardless, but in these circumstances it is a lot for her and for you.

my advice would be to be consistent, lots of love and cuddles. i dont think now is the time to try and change sleeping habits, so if she needs milk let her have some? what are your sleeping arrangements and what can you do to help YOU get the most sleep? ie is she in the same room as you?

how good is her speech? she may be incredibly frustrated at not being able to voice her feelings? even if her language is good she wont have the ability to express her emotions verbally so they are coming out in anger :( perhaps show her that tho she cant hurt her sister she could have a pillow? that she can express some frustration on ie say no biting your sister, if you need to bite, bite this and offer a cushion or some alternative?

and yes where are you? what help have the hv offered, is homestart or sure start? in your area?

lifesrichpageant · 05/07/2012 22:04

Am so sorry to hear about this situation. My heart goes out to all of you.

mcfee · 06/07/2012 08:44

Bumping for you

Original poster

IcanandIwill · 06/07/2012 11:10

Thanks all. I've spoken with Winstons Wish this morning and they were lovely and reassured me that I'm doing the right things.

OP posts:

Sleepstarved · 06/07/2012 11:26

My God, I can't imagine how hard this must be for you all right now.
I don't have anything useful to add, other than ask for help from friends, family, GP, anyone who will listen.
You are in my thoughts.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 06/07/2012 16:53

So glad you've found them helpful Ican. How are things today?

princessofpersians · 06/07/2012 19:30

How terrible for all of you. I can't imagine how you're all feeling but like another poster said if any of us can help on a practical note...

MrsRichards · 06/07/2012 19:35

Where in the country are you?

Google Candle Project at St Christopher's hospice. It's a special children's bereavement service. They offer an advice line (normal office hours). Sorry cant do links on iphone

Zoohouse · 06/07/2012 19:40

I am sure there will be some kind of play therapy that your toddler can access. I don't know much about it but imagine that it would help her with her feelings. Ask your GP and your own counsellor. Above all, you need to look after yourself as much as you can (which must be last on your list and almost impossible to do. But ask ask ask for all the help you can get from family, friends, professionals.

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