Making friends, aged 3y8mo?

[MacMac123]

Hi, my 3.5 year old DS has reduced me to tears tonight and I don't know if I'm over reacting.
He's very particular about 'friends', he's been in nursery since 6 months and is now at pre school so his friends are a big part of his life.

Now it seems that they have all taken to telling each other 'you are my friend' or 'you're not my friend'. Whenever he tells me who has said this to who, I always make light of it and say not to be silly, you're all friends and it's not nice to tell someone they're not your friend.

But tonight he ended up weeping in quite a grown up way (ie less 5 mins then all forgotten about) but prolonged sobs with lots of talking about why he was upset because one of his friends has declared he's not her friend. He even wants me to talk to her and her mum about it.

I personally think that would be a crazy thing to do but it just concerns me. Is this normal for 3 (he's 4 in 3 months)? To be so concerned about friends? I feel it's the sort of emotional stuff he shouldn't have to worry about until he's older. But maybe I'm wrong?

Please help as it broke my heart to see him so 'hurt' and I don't know what to do.

No advice but my DS1 (3.10) is just the same. I really worry about how he'll cope when friendships get more complicated. He is very keen on his "friends", and quite possessive of them (gets upset if one of his close friends appears to be too friendly with someone else - e.g. was very upset when his good friend didn't sit next to him at her birthday party).

We recently moved him to school nursery from private nursery. He regularly sobbed about missing his friends and not having any friends at his new nursery, so I know how heartbreaking it is to watch.

I'm just doing the same as you - trying to make light of it. Am also working on "teaching" him how to make new friends, so that he has some resources to fall back on if he feels left out or his friendships fall through.

Maybe it's normal and a phase then but I feel the same as you. My DS does half a day at preschool at a local primary then goes back to the nursery he's been at since he was a baby.

At first he was crying about not having friends at the preschool. Now he has friends at both.

But the preschool/primary isn't especially close to our house, nor is it a great school that i would have chosen. Hes only there because they have this arrangement with his nursery, and he's pretty much outgrown the nursery. So in september when he's 4, he's moving to a lovely lovely pre school nearby and then finally at 5 hell go to reception at the primary school he'll stay at.

One of the thing he was also sobbing about tonight was being 4 because he says he doesn't want to leave his friends and none of them are going to a different school. He was saying he's 'worried' about it. Can he even know what 'worry' is?!

I know as an adult the new preschool is better in so many ways, and he'll have a whole year there to settle. I also think its good for him to have to make new friends.

But now im really worried because he was upset about leaving his friends! I just want to do the right thing for him

If any mums of older kids recognise this as a phase or normal please let us know!

My dd is 3yr 7m and her first retort when upset is 'you're not my best friend anymore'. She is quite fixated by the whole falling in and out of friendship but no way near what you've described.

My dd does have a wide circle of friends though so there is less importance on her preschool friends. We have cousins, friends if family, swimming friends. Because she has lots of friends coming in and out of her life she has quite a healthy acceptance of everyone and doesnt have a particular best friend. Does your ds have friends outside of preschool?

An also trying to teach him how to cope. So with this incident tonight, I was saying if someone says you're not my friend when you are friends, just say don't be silly yes I am and get on with playing with everyone else. I was taking a leaf from ' the rules' relationship book (?!) thinking its better to be busy and happy and getting on with life than running to your mum crying!!
Who knows?!

Yes the ridiculous thing is he has lots of friends. In pre school, another group at his nursery, my friends children and also we live in a gated street with about 10 kids who all play together after school (when it's not raining). He's just very sensitive to any shifts in the friendships with those he considers his closest friends.

Any else got any thoughts on this? Thanks