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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

3 year old DD terrified of the bath. Please help

22 replies

fartootired · 05/07/2012 19:03

Hi i'll keep this as short as possible. My 3 year old (just turned 3) is terrified of the bath. She screams when i even mention going for a bath and cries and runs away when she sees me running the bath. She screams her head off throughout and tries to jump out and clings on to me. She hates it. She is terrified of getting her hair washed and won't sit still which means she constantly falls over in the bath and i have to keep both hands free to keep a hold of her. My partner helps whenever he is home but she is worse when there is 2 of us. I asked her why she doesn't like it and she said it's sore and she doesn't like the hat (the measuring jug i use for washing her hair). I have tried the things you put round their heads to stop the water going in their eyes but that didn't help she was even worse. I have also tried the shower but that terrified her more. I am at my wits end. It's a constant battle at bathtime and most nights i honestly just give up and she goes without which is probably making things worse. I think she knows that the more she kicks of the more likely she will be to not get a bath. She is so well behaved and well mannered through the day times, hardly any tantrums and she is easily pleased it's just bathtime. I think she got a fright one day in the bath and thats why she's like this but i could do with some tips on how to help her overcome her fear. It must be horrible for her to not fully understand why she is scared and i don't want her to be like this.

Thanks for taking the time to read this

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Choufleur · 05/07/2012 19:05

I would just not give her a bath for a few days - just wash her. She will be fine. Then gradually try to reintroduce it - first without washing her hair.

Could you get in the bath with her for a bit?

Original poster

fartootired · 05/07/2012 19:14

I have tried getting in with her but it was incredibly difficult to keep her still and calm and it was a nightmare. I was advised to try holding her and washing her hair like i did when she was a baby so thats getting a try tomorrow night. she's far too tired for a bath tonight so she's off to bed without one. I'm not sure if it will just get better itself or if it's something thats going to go on and on and on

OP posts:

minceorotherwise · 05/07/2012 19:21

Will she go in the paddling pool in the garden? If you make the water warm and chuck some bubbles in? Could be an option for a) getting her clean! And b) getting her used to the idea
Maybe also lay off the hair washing for a bit, just get her to wet it a bit herself and then build up to it. I put goggles on mine!
Or getting a baby bath and let her wash her dolls in it. Maybe talk about what the dolls might be worried about and how she can make them feel better etc

Primrose123 · 05/07/2012 19:44

Have you got a shower? Would she prefer that? She could stand there and you could just hose her down. She could have a quick wash with a soapy flannel, and just forget about hair washing for a while.

Choufleur · 05/07/2012 20:04

I think getting her more and more upset night after night is going to make it worse - a break for afew days may help.

How much water do you put in the bath?

NoVegBeforeSkeg · 05/07/2012 20:11

I don't know if this would help any, as it sounds like it's a 'water on head' issue, but DS went through a scared of the bath stage- around the same age.

I let him go in wearing his swimming trunks, and he had some powder that turned the water blue and made the bath ruddy filthy
Helped massively, though I'm not sure exactly why.
Could be worth a go?

NoVegBeforeSkeg · 05/07/2012 20:13

Ooh meant to say, he's 5 now and isn't wearing trunks in the bath anymore!

He was fine within a few weeks, just realising the bath was nothing to fear.

candr · 05/07/2012 20:45

I would try some play time in the bath with her toys during the day where she doesn't have to get in if she doesn't want to. I used to get the kids to scrunch up their eyes and hold a flannel over them when I rinsed their hair which seemed to work. Try using a small pot rather than a big jug so you can control where the water goes.

Has she washed your hair before as this can be quite fun and reminds you what it feels like for them. New toys like foam letters, bath crayons are a good distraction but I would leave her hair for a few days if you can. If not then maybe a trip to hairdressers where they can wash it with her leaning back on booster seat?
She will get over it just try to reduce the pressure on all of you so it is not a horrible chore you all dread.

medjool · 05/07/2012 20:48

Been there with 2 year old DD. Exactly the same as you described. We convinced her to have showers and eventually she warmed to the bath again as it was an opportunity to play with her baby brother.

Even if she doesn't like having a shower, you can be so quick that it's manageable (for you). You just need to stay on the ball and think of things which might get her back into the bath. Just be prepared - it could take weeks or even months.

ilovemykitchenaid · 05/07/2012 20:50

i used to get mine to lay down in a couple of inches of water and could wash the hair without the face getting wet at all. It used to sort of float out behind.

that helped get them over the hair wash upset

hattifattner · 05/07/2012 20:57

My DS was afraid of falling down the plug hole, and the noise made when you pull the plug out was a monster.

So he used to bathe in a box in the bath. Empty bath, bog plastic box filled with bubbles. Toys etc. He would stand in the box and I would wash him, then he would have a play squatting in the box and scooping up the bubbles, eventually he would sit in the box.

Hair washing was a problem for a while but once he was in the box, we managed by having him tip his head back and holding a dry flannel along the forehead.

CecilyP · 05/07/2012 21:02

My son went through a phase of hating the bath, and being genuinely scared of it, when he was about 2. We had large wash basins in our flat so for a while I would just wash him in those. He also did not need much hair washing as he did not have much hair. One day he got just so filthy playing outside, with a dirty nappy at the same time, and I knew I had to get him in the bath. I pursuaded him just to stand in the bath so I could wash his feet, then managed to wash he rest of him and eventually even got him to sit down. After that his phobia seemsed to be cured and there never any more problem with the bath.

Would it be possible to wash her hair in the basin, the way they do in the hairdressers? Could you get her to stand in the bath with just a few inches of bath water and wash her with a sponge?

Alurkatsoftplay · 05/07/2012 21:10

When dd was two, she was just the same. I just wet wiped her for ages (blush) I think it was only after a lot of paddling pool n swimming time n toys that she got over it. It doesn't really matter though if she goes without having her hair washed for a few weeks though, really...

Arkala · 05/07/2012 21:58

Have the exact same problem with 2yr old ds. Terrified of both bath and shower...think it is the plug hole he doesn't like.

After a few days of trying all the persuasion methods mentioned above, he now has a bath each night in a trug bucket beside the bath.

I run the bath for dds, use the bucket to scoop out some water and he gets in v happily. I am hoping he will be back in the bath before he grows out of the bucket!

Funnily he is v happy to shower after swimming, play in paddling pool etc.

Catsdontcare · 05/07/2012 22:06

Sit her on the kitchen sink drainer, fill the sink and let her dangle her feet in and wash her that way. Or just let her sit in an empty bath and play with her toys. May be have a jug of water that she an choose to empty into the bath if she wAnts to and work towards adding more water.

To be honest as long as you give her a good going over with a flannel regularly I would skip baths for a while. It is a phase it will pass!

guanosoup · 05/07/2012 22:20

my dd, then 3, refused to get in the bath after her ever helpful father sang her
We got around it by washing her in the paddling pool, and banning her father from singing in front of her. Ever Again.
she forgot her fear in about three weeks, and now she's 11, she spends hours and hours and hours in the bathroom.

BobbysBeardOfWonder · 05/07/2012 22:26

Ooh I was going to start a thread about this! DD (2 this month) is now refusing to get in the bath cos she scared herself by pooing in it last night again
She saw a tiny bit of dirt in it today and screamed and wouldn't get in.
Not quite sure how to convince her the bath is actually clean & safe and stop pooing in it would help

Original poster

fartootired · 07/07/2012 18:58

Thanks so much for all your advice, i attempted the bath again last night and managed to get her hair washed which was brilliant because she was beginning to look a bit neglected. I like the idea of using the baby bath for her dolls i am going to give that a go and see how we get on with that and i'll go buy some bath crayons and stuff. She loves the swimming pool and paddling pool but won't go near the shower or the bath. she was actually worse with the shower to be honest

OP posts:

haththefecklessbreeder · 07/07/2012 19:02

Goggles.

We still have goggles hanging on the tap.

MushroomSoup · 07/07/2012 19:34

What about playing in the bath with fave toys - dressed, no water.

Stangirl · 08/07/2012 16:59

My DD was like this for 2 years - 2 YEARS! Screamed like a banshee in the bath, holding onto the side and trying to climb out.

In the last fortnight she has changed her mind and now cries when we take her out of the bath. Nothing has changed but she nows copies how I wash my hair by lying down in the bath - oh and she has a lot of toys to play with in there.

spiderlight · 08/07/2012 17:08

My DS had a phase of this at about 2, which started after he'd had a bath at my dad's house, which for some reason hasd a much noisier plughole. A really exciting new bath toy cured him pretty much instantly though - in our case it was a Thomas thing with a water wheel and a slidey but that you stuck on the side of the bath. He also thoroughly enjoys having what he calls a 'Pirate bath' in hot weather, which is a bubble-bath in the paddling pool outside with a watering-can to wash his hair.

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