DS 19mo keeps rejecting his dad

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I posted a couple of months ago that my ds had started to get really clingy and tantrummy. We've kind of got the hang of the tantrums now, they haven't got any better but they're clearly just normal toddler fuss so I have made my peace with it all. The problem is that he has got even more clingy with me, aimed purely against my poor dh.

Ds is not a clingy child in general - he is happy at nursery 2 days a week, delighted to spend time with grandparents and other familiar adults, and always smiling at shop assistants and so on. But when just me and dh are at home with him he will not allow dh to do anything with him. When I go and have a shower in the morning he stands there banging on the door the whole way through, while poor dh tries his best to engage him and move him away. From the moment ds wakes up in the morning it's 'mama, mama, mama' non-stop. When dh leaves to take him to nursery he goes MENTAL, although he's fine when he gets there.

I'm on my own with ds for 2 days a week and dh works full time, so he does spend more time with me. While dh is at work ds often asks for him and likes to pretend to call him on the phone, but after the initial smiles when dh gets home he's back to focussing on me all the time. Even if he does agree to sit on dh's knee for a minute to read a book or something, it lasts about a page before he gets up with the book and brings it to me to finish.

It's depressing for dh, who is great with him (although I guess a bit less physically cuddly with him than I am, as many dads are), and exhausting for me (I'm 6 months pregnant so can't carry him around like I used to).

So two things: firstly, has anyone else experienced this? Is it normal? When does it stop?

And secondly, do we deal with it? Should I accept the clinginess and continue giving him as much attention as he asks for, in the hope it will give him the security and confidence to grow out of the clinginess? Or should we try to enforce a bit more dh time and draw the line at some of his more ridiculous demands? Help please!

I hope we're just coming through the other side of this (DS 25 months).

Another boy with a full-time working dad and part-time mum which maybe is just a coincidence but maybe not - at the same age as yours DS started to openly reject his dad rather than just "prefer" me.

My view came to be that DS was actually just angry he couldn't see his dad more and when he did see him it meant he had less attention from mummy as we were mostly all together.

We tried to find more 1:1 time for them which I think helped. I didn't withdraw from him at all I think as you indicate reassurance and cuddles give them the confidence not to be clingy anymore. He's our first so I have no experience but I would wonder whether he's picking up on the new one coming, he might be sensing that you are being shared more than he'd like? Still more reasons to reassure him if you can physically handle it.

It's got better the more he can express it. One morning he said "hate daddy" just after he left for work and I said "I don't think you hate daddy, I think you hate Daddy leaving" and he agreed and seemed to calm down a lot after that. Gradually things like who reads books, who sits with him etc is now not so dominated by mummy.

Thanks for replying Louby, I'm slightly heartbroken at the prospect of this lasting another 6 months! We'll try increasing the 1:1 time he has with DH (although I always feel guilty when they go out for a walk or whatever as it feels like such a complete treat for me!). Glad you're seeing light at the end of the long tunnel anyway.

Oh I hope it's shorter for you and it was only intense I guess for a few weeks really (I am super sensitive to how DD is feeling and acting).

Am sure new baby will change things. In fact I remembered my pal who has 25 month old + 5 month old had the experience of v clingy eldest before birth now v aligned with daddy post birth (although I hope that doesn't worry you!). Your closeness with him sounds lovely - just keep enjoying that AND enjoying your breaks - difficult I know but sounds extra important for you with number 2 on the way.