14-wk-o not napping in day - stressed mummy

[broodylicious]

Please give me some help! My dd will just not nap during the day and it is driving me to distraction, stressing me out and must not be good for her.
We've tried everything - feeding to the eyeballs, rocking, shushing, patting, walking, driving, putting her down to self soothe, bouncing on my yoga ball.... Everything! It is obvious she's completely knackered with yawning, rubbing eyes and being a bit grouchy/fussy but she fights it and v rarely gets sleep during the day. I spend over an hour trying to get her down - the yoga ball is best bet but even then it takes ages to get her to close her eyes (and it's taking it's toll on my back!)
At night, she doesn't go down much before 10pm and that's if I feed her almost constantly from 7/730pm. She then wakes at 2/3am for a feed that takes about an hour to feed and put her back down. Then she's awake again at 530/6am for another feed but I come downstairs for that.
I really am at the end of my tether as I want her to nap because I know it'll help her development and make her less grouchy - plus of course I'm totally shattered myself as well.
She is generally a very happy baby, lots of smiles, and she feeds well (ebf).
Please help me, I'm getting really upset by it all!

I have no pearls of wisdom but didn't want to read and run. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job and it's no wonder you're tired. It will get better. Will she sleep in her pushchair? Could you take her for a walk and then wheel her into the house and get some shut-eye yourself? Hang in there and hopefully a clever person will come along soon!

My dd would not nap in cot till about 7 months. Although shattered we found the only way was to either go for a walk in pram or let her sleep on you after a few tears. Meant we just had to go with it and leave hoist in state

Maybe consider weaning (with the caveat that yes, it is way earlier than recommended so feel free to ignore me!), but our LO doesn't sleep much during the day & we started him on a few spoons of baby rice pudding (hipps organic), and he is happier, more content & sleeps more now

I generally come here for advice & don't feel qualified enough to ever try to help but... Could LO be teething??

When I struggled to get DS to nap, it turned out I was leaving it too late. When the yawning and ear pulling started, I was on the brink of missing the window of opportunity. Once he was overtired he got angry, shouty and frustrated and would stay awake for hours on end.

What worked for me was making sure DS was asleep again 2 hours after he woke up. Once he had been awake for 90 minutes, I would check and change his nappy, if necessary, then start winding him down for a nap - I would take away all distractions and play the same soothing music each time so that he associated the piece of music with sleeping. After a couple of days he was napping every couple of hours and going down with a lot less fuss at night too.

Weaning isn't generally shown to improve sleep.

At 4 months sleep tends to worsen anyway - 4 month sleep regression.

DD would only nap with the Hoover on at 4 mo, after a feed. And only if I got her on her mat without her noticing. 3mo DS just won't be put down at all

Thanks for your advice folks. Good to know, weirdly, that sleep regression is a common thing at this age. How long does it last?

We do go for walks in her pram but she either screams (has never liked her pram) or is so wowed by what's going on outside (leaves, clouds etc) that she tends to get even more awake! I've got a caboo carrier which I used when I went into town yday - thought being close would get her to sleep - but she just was so distracted by all the sights, sounds and smells of the shops....which of course made her even more tired!

I think I'm going to try the two hour routine as that sounds a good and easy rule of thumb. I think it's going to take some time to crack the routine as she takes ages to put down at the moment but it's worth the effort as I have to do something before I lose the plot! I might buy one of those musical soother things for her crib too - anyone have any recommendations?

Thanks again for your support

The sleep regressions will happen in cycles, if you read the wonder weeks it will give you a good idea of when to expect it next. They usually last for a couple of weeks. What helped with my DS at that age was to start a routine (similar to what was mentioned earlier) so that the predictibility makes it all easier on them. At 1 he simply would ask for a bottle and walk himself to the sofa to sleep. I also used to nap with him twice a day which was very nice in hindsight. We co-sleep though as i never got him to sleep in his cot. but there is a saying that goes a baby who sleeps with his mother sleeps twice!

Don't think that weaning will help either. My DS would nap but was horrendous at night. We weaned at 16 weeks and it made him worse, not better. Like Fliss says, there is no evidence that weaning early improves sleep, have a look at will givng solids or formula help my baby sleep better. The evidence does show that leaving weaning, until around 7 months is actually much better for them, see here.

Your nights sound pretty normal at this age and don't forget that in the long run bfing Mums actually get more sleep than there ffing peers.

Appreciate that you will be tired though, have you read this on askdrsears. Have you read the No Cry Nap Solution yet? They might have it in your local library, I think its the book for you .

I was looking back last night in my little book that I noted things in about dd, to try and help a friend.. it brought back lots of memories of this period of time and my anxiety levels rising as I just couldn't get her to sleep.
Someone above makes what I think was the key factor for us - don't leave it till she is over-tired. Also, we covered the pram in a coat or heavy dark blanket which meant it was dark and then yes, I did the walking thing - but it did work just trying to catch it early.
Good Luck and remember all these stages do soon pass - I know it was the one thing I drove myself to distraction obsessing about was trying to get her to have a daytime nap.

jilted - yes we have decided that unless the HV gives an incredibly good reason why we should, we won't be weaning til six months at the earliest. My DH found some research as to why it was best to leave it to later and it makes sense to us so we're following their recommendations. I have a French friend and she said their government have just changed their weaning guidance to four months instead of six - madness!!

Olive - I love the idea of her walking to the sofa for a sleep [dreams....]

Happy - defo agree that it is an obsession haha!

my 'obsession' eased when a friend simply said to me something along the lines of all you can do is 'give them the opportunity to sleep' and I must say that in itself seemed to work a bit of magic on easing my tensions around having an overtired, overstimulated baby as at least I knew by making sure she was fed, comfortable in the pram and it was nice and dark then it meant she could nod off - I managed to switch off to the wails a few times (not particularly easy) and it did work.

For what it's worth - DD is now 18 months and still not the best of sleepers in the day time, but we did instigate a good night time 'routine' and pretty much without fail she goes down nicely etc at 7pm so this sort of makes up for the hit and miss lengths of her day time nap - I know my sister's dd who is similar age was always a straight 2hrs guaranteed middle of day - bliss for a knackered mother type sleeper.. but hey, not all babies are going to do that and I think the sooner I realised that it did get easier.

What worked for us was letting her nap on her front. I didn't leave her alone, though! And I put her on her back overnight.

I wasn't saying that weaning is right for every baby at that age, far from it! I was just saying that it was the cause of no napping for our baby...every baby is different.

how about just sitting with her and holding her. Less is more really when trying to get to sleep. All these activitieis, such as bouncing rocking or feeding mean that your daughter is always ''doing'' and does not get a chance to wind down and relax before sleep.
If you just hold her, she may cry as she releases tensions, from the day, being in the world, as a newborn, is a stimulating experience, and it's natural for babies to cry to release stress. If you are holding her, then you know she's not crying from being alone, and feeling abandoned, but actually feels quite safe to let her feelings flow.
We tend to rely on all that bouncing, car driving, rocking or feeding to sleep, because they stop the crying that happens when a baby cries,
The trouble with using activities to get your child to sleep, is they procrastinate the winding down and relaxing so that every time it will be even HARDER to get your daughter to sleep.
Try it! I know I was amazed at how easily my daughter fell asleep, when I just stopped doing stuff to her, to make her sleep!

Do you know cloud, I never even thought of it like that. That makes complete sense when you imagine all she needs is to feel safe to get to sleep. Maybe that's why she falls off when I feed her as she's doing nothing. Thank you ever so much, I'm going to give that a try x

glad to help, I realised this when my daughter was about the same age as yours and she stopped fallling asleep on the boob easily. After an exhausting half hour pacing my flat with DD in arms trying to get her to wind down for sleep, I remembered a book I read before she was born. It's the Aware Baby by Aletha Solter, I realised that what I was doing was not helping her relax and just exhausting me. Hope it works easily for you too!