My daughter is sooooo hard on herself

[thefoosa]

She came home from school today saying that she isn't as good as everyone else. She is very competitive but I think that's because her group of friends are like that also.

This despite achieving an excellent report card and being in the top set for english and maths.

What's the best way to deal with this lack of self-confidence? I tell her that being first and getting top marks isn't the most important thing as long as she tries her best, but it doesn't stop her being so self-critical.

Sit down and talk to her about exactly why she thinks she is not as good as everyone else. What is it she is not good at? In what way is everyone better than her? Is it really the case that everyone is better at everything? There are clearly things she is good at! Is her problem that she is not the best? If so, I think I would point out that as an adult, there are no prizes for being the best, what you need to be is good at something and confident enough to do it. The cleverest people are seldom (in my experience) the happiest.

How old is she?

There's an excellent book, '7 Habits of highly effective Teenagers', based on and (in my opinion better than the original) self help for adults. If she's 10+ she'd get a lot out of it. It advises and facilitates the reader to consider what's important in life ( their life, it's not a one size fits all approach). There's a lot in it about grades and achievement and it encourages the reader to consider why they're important; it fosters a meaningful sense of self worth.

I would imagine that if your daughter is seeing good grades as a goal in themselves rather than a tool that shows her how she's doing in her longer life journey she could easily judge herself harshly however good they are.

Marking my place I have a 7 yo who has 97/100 for the whole year as a mean. The school is really please with her, she didn't know how to read in september so she did extremely well, her teacher said she moved mountains, she is not happy because she wants 100/100. I am at lost to what to say or do.
I would rather that she was a happy little girl and have 55/100 (the minimum to pass)
She might be a bit young for that book, do you think she can get something out of it lamb ? and I already tried to instilled your wisdom loosey

thanks for your replies

I've tried to tell her that being the best isn't important, but I think she has a couple of friends who are ultra-competitive and a bit critical with each other

girls are hard work sometimes

she's 9 btw

I really can't recommend the book highly enough. It's written by the son of the man who write the adult version, it's much more user friendly than the original. Even if you're daughter is not old enough, I recommend you read it. you'll pick up ways of helping her.

at typos, DCs pointing out the irony of me dishing out advice and ignoring them, so not proof read.