14 month old not speaking at all or pointing

[Whitefluffyclouds]

I've posted a couple of times on here before with ongoing concerns about my DS having autism. He turns 14 months this week and is not saying any words at all or pointing so we are still concerned.

However, he has made really good progress over the last two months and is now doing the following things that he wasn't doing at all at 12 months:

• plays peekaboo
• reaches out to be picked up
• gives us cuddles and shows us affection (hooray! )
• claps and waves appropriately (most of the time)
• gets reassurance from me (I think) when meeting new people (eg. he will smile at a stranger then hide his face in my lap)
• gives us things (I wouldn't say exactly that he shows us things but eg. we were playing with a shape sorter today where you need to remove one of the pegs to get the shapes out and he was giving it to me - I think - so that I would do that for him. Sometimes he also gives us random stuff as well.)
• gestures with his whole hand at stuff he wants or if i say where's Daddy, he'll turn towards DH and gesture with his whole hand

He also follows a point and babbles and has been for a while. Physical development is fine, he's been walking unaided for about 5 weeks.

I guess what I'm wondering is, does the fact that he's made really good progress over the last couple of months mean that he might catch up, or is the fact that he was so late to do things like peekaboo a concerning sign in itself? Obviously we hope he is just a slow starter! It would be great to hear any thoughts.

hearing checked recently?

My DD is 14.5 months and she only started pointing about a month ago. Been saying 'ta' for ages though I am not sure how long she has been using it in context, and started saying 'mama' about 3 weeks ago when I started back at work. To be honest I think she is capable of more speech than she uses, but isn't really interested in talking yet! Last week a family friend got her to say 'Charlie' 'Ellis' and 'Dada' but she won't say them when I ask her.

I just wanted to say, don't get too obsessed with this, its like watching a kettle boil! You could be waiting till they are going on 2 like I was before they say much at all, its within the spectrum of 'normal' but can drive you mad with worry (and now mine is 2 and a half and will.not.stop.talking.oh.my.lord) :) yours is still very little, is all I wanted to say. sounds gorgeous, normal, do try not to worry :) best wishes

mine is 17 months - he only started pointing in the last month.

He didn't start making any discernably "word-like" noises until last month either. He now makes lots of animal noises and about 3/4 words that he uses infrequently.

but, he walks, runs, climbs (everything!) and is a very physical child. I'm beginning to think he's putting all his energy into physical activity and hasn't given the time to develop language yet!

perhaps yours might be similar. I have heard (unqualified anecdotes!) that babies tend to focus on either physical or cerebral in chunks, so hoping that's just what is going on.

Can I ask where the concern comes from? Sorry, haven't seen your previous thread but have one ds on the spectrum, and one not, so am happy to try and help if I can.

Not pointing at 14 mths is fine in isolation, with my ds1 there were lots of other little signs - have a look at the chat test (google it) and see what you think. Bear in mind it's designed for 18 mth olds though, so you might need to give it another few months before reading too much into it.

As an experienced nanny ( have looked after 30+ newborn- 3 year olds)

I would say he sounds perfectly normal

Is exactly the same age as current charge and sounds like ty are doing the same things.

Another one here who's DS didn't point till he was over 17 months. I knew he should be pointed so it did concern me too; but like your DS, he used his hand to gesture and in the end, I tried to trust myself and know that he was doing well, that the pointing would come. As it did! Now he points all the time. And I mean all the time!

I read your list and think he sounds like he's doing great, and in line with lots of other babies his age. Certainly mine. He only had a couple of words then, but tons of babble.

Is there anything else that concerns you? Can I ask, are you suffering from anxiety generally? I don't ask this to diminish your concern but I wonder whether your concern about autism is rooted in specific issues that are troubling you - apart from the pointing - or whether you're experiencing a generalised anxiety about it and therefore you're looking hard for stuff to be wrong?

I suffered a lot of post natal anxiety and this is how it manifested for me.

Sorry in Iphone and lots of mistakes! 'whose DS' and 'pointing and not pointed (in first line)

Thanks for the responses everyone - they are really helpful. We did have his hearing tested when he was about 8 months but he didn't engage with the test, so they are re-doing it in August.

I have had concerns from very early on (a couple of months) - he was quite slow on his physical development (didn't roll till 7 months, didn't sit up till over 8). Eye contact wasn't great early on (although it's absolutely fine now). Also he never seemed to care if I was in the room or not - for a long time, DH and i weren't even sure if he recognised us. I now know what we were missing, as it is so great when he just beams and toddles over to me when I come into the room!

He was also a pretty challenging baby during the first year (and still is to some extent). He cried a lot - despite my holding him pretty much constantly in the first few weeks/months. He is still now very quick to get upset and seems to get bored/frustrated very easily. He always just seemed different/less happy/less interactive than friends' babies, so I would think, 'something's not right'.

It is really helpful to hear of other late pointers who caught up - pointing seems to be the big sign so i guess I am getting a little obsessed with it. I definitely have an anxious personality musterbluster, but not a clinical level i don't think.

Looking back over the last 14 months, there does seem to be a pattern where his development plateaus for ages and then leaps forward, so I guess maybe there will be another plateau after the progress of the last couple of months and I should relax for a couple of months. Easier said than done of course!

The significance of pointing isn't so much which part of his hand he uses as the fact that he understands that he needs to gesture in that direction in order for you to know what he wants or to see what he is interested in. Using his whole hand is fine.

Lots of what you say is very reassuring so I would put worrying on hold for a few months

Does he do protodeclarative pointing or gestures? That's where he gestures at something and checks your face to see that you're looking at his object of interest. Shared attention is the key here.

I don't want to diminish your concerns. I just knew something wasnt right with ds and no number of reassuring posts could have stopped me worrying. He is now the most adorable little boy and is making great progress.

My ds2 was a nightmare baby - very hard work, needed to be carried or rocked or screamed constantly, whereas ds1 was placid, affectionate and smiley. Ds1 has asd, ds2 definitely doesn't. There are a lot of red herrings with asd and excruciating though it is, you do need to see how things develop.

hello whitefluffy, my little boy is 16 months but 14 months corrected and sounds at almost exactly the same stage as yours. Because he was prem they keep a close eye on development and I have been told that he's well within the range of normal, though at the lower end of the scale. He was also a tricky baby and I do think that babies who need to be held all the time when very young, and in my case used a dummy alot, do get slightly behind. We could never do tummy time so DS also didn't sit till around 8 months corrected.

Obviously you know your child best but I wanted to assure you that his development isn't way behind.

Sounds normal to me. DS is now 22 months and has a really large vocabulary, after at 18 months barely being able to say 3 words! It seems to have happened so quickly in the last few months. He has also always been very physically able.

Thanks for the new replies.

carlywurly - I was watching him today to see re. protodeclarative gestures and I'm not really sure. He does look back at me (and grunt or whine) when he's looking at/reaching towards something he wants (eg. food/toy) but I don't think he's gesturing to show me things iyswim.

I was at a baby group today and I can't help noticing that he still does seem a bit different from other babies his age, although I can't quite put my finger on it. Less self-confident somehow (I realise that sounds a strange thing to say about a 14 month old but it's the only way I can think of putting it!).

Ok - I know how difficult this is, but I think for the moment, the best thing you can do is manage your anxiety. It's unlikely you'll get a referral for at least another 6 months (ime anyway) and you need to try not to let this dominate your life and parenting experience until then. Nothing you've posted is screaming red flags to me so far, honestly.

Best case, you've worried over nothing and he's absolutely fine - worst, your fears are realised, but the reality for me was nowhere near as bad as I'd feared. You really do cope and get on with it, he's still your lovely ds, no matter what the outcome. I nearly made myself ill with stress, and i wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Do feel free to PM me if I can help in future.

If you're still concerned when he's 18 months, take him to a dev specialist. I have seen one with our ds and best thing I ever did. I'm not saying you have anything to be concerned about but of you're still not happy at 18 months, it can only help. Pm if you want her name.

Thank you both. carlywurly - I might take you up on your offer in a few months if we're still concerned. Thanks for sharing your experience with your DS, he sounds lovely. We had a difficult day today here, DS was just so grumpy - as you say, that doesn't mean anything I know but it seems to get me into a negative thought pattern!

EclecticShock, I will pm you for the name as a back up.

IMHO I think at the moment the best thing you can do is try and stop worrying. I say this as a mother to a DS (9) with AS, a DS (5) with HFA and an NT DS(3). It is too early really at that age to know if your DS has autism or not, and I would think that your anxiety will be affecting his behaviour as he will pick up on it.

The problem is, is that the MCHAT test to pick up autism is designed to be used from 18months. Think how much development a child goes through between 10months and 14months and then how much more there will be between 14months and 18months.

I can safely say at age 5 and 9 my children (who are both very high functioning) do not wave. Although DS2 does have to have a hug and a kiss when I leave as part of a ritual, he doesn't get why his younger brother might want to wave goodbye.

DS2 didn't recognise his name at 12months, he didn't point at 18months (with anything hand or finger), even now when he points he won't look to check that I am looking at what he is pointing at (I have just taught DS1 aged 9 to do that!). DS3 does it naturally.

DS2 adores hugs and cuddles - he is very touch sensitive and he needs the firm feeling. However he still now at 5 throws himself at people he doesn't know trying to get hugs from them.

All of their facial expressions for social use are learnt behaviour. e.g. DS1 knows that if someone smiles at you, you should smile back. But equally he thinks that means that if someone is hurt and crying you just need to smile at them and they will be fine as the rule is they have to smile back. How is your DS at empathy? Might be a bit young yet, can't remember when DS3 started showing empathy. But the older 2 if someone is crying are quite likely to either start screaming at them to shut up as they are hurting their ears, or ignore them completely. DS3 would come and give someone crying a hug and ask what is wrong.

DS2 until he was quite old (maybe 3) would get very cross if I tried to get involved with anything he was doing. I used to feel a terrible parent just sat on the sofa watching him, but he threw a tantrum if I disturbed him. When he was a baby he used to throw tantrums if I changed his nappy - I have never seen a small baby go purple in the face throwing a tantrum in the way he did when he had to be changed as it was changing his routine.

On the plus side, DS2 is doing exceedingly well in school and is considered G&T there. They genuinely can't believe he didn't speak until well after his second birthday, and no 2 word phrases until after his 3rd. So even if your DS does have autism it genuinely isn't the end of the world - he is definitely more advanced at 14months than DS2 was.

At 18months if you are still concerned get a referal to a paediatrician, but even then you are unlikely to get a dx for several years as often developmental delay and ASD can appear similar at a young age.

Take care of yourself and please stop worrying for both yours and your DSs sake.

Oh I forgot to say, DS1 was an exceptionally easy baby, and as long as I didn't interact with DS2 so was he!

Hi, I could have wrote your exact OP! Apart from my DS isn't waving yet or following a point. I know how hard it is wondering if your child is developing typically.

Have you mentioned your concerns to your health visitor? She could maybe reassure you a bit.

My DS is being observed in nursery for a couple of weeks and then my health visitor is doing the SOGS test on him and referring him if necessary. Hopefully it will be nothing but slow development but it will be good to find out one way or another.

I think it is a good sign that your son is waving and can understand some of what you are saying.

My son is also 14 months by the way

My nephew is 16 months and your LO sounds more advanced in communication skills then him. He's being bought up in 2 languages which causes delay but noone is remotely concerned. 14 months is very young, I wouldn't worry yet, he doesn't sound like he's not communicating in any way

My DD is 16 months and not talking or pointing.
She will reach with her whole hand for things she wants but doesn't look back at me to get it for her.
She doesn't show us things really and she has only started waving in the context of bye bye in the last month.
She has been referred for SALT but paeds who have seen her for gross motor delay always comment on how socially engaging she is, extremely smiley with v v good eye contact from an early age.
The general consensus from the professionals is that she is still very young.
The hardest bit is the waiting and no knowing but what else can we do? We will drive outselves nuts otherwise.

You say that he cried a lot in the first year, perhaps there was something physically wrong that affected his development. Mine had acid reflux which went undiagnosed for 4 months, it was only picked up on when we got referred because of development delays - mainly being no eye contact, and like you experienced, she didn't even seem to notice we were in the room (was too distracted with pain). Just a thought...

Yes my DS had horrible acid reflux for the first few months and never stopped crying. Interesting thought that it could delay their development.