19months old who won't sleep in cot and only will settle in mum's bed with her beside her!

[twinnies26]

Posting for my friend - she came over for dinner the other night and was explaining to myself and DH how they have been having a terrible time with their 19mo DD. She spent a night at an aunt's house 2 months ago and has refused to sleep in her cot ever since (Her mum reckons DD woke in night and was upset as she was not with her parents) There was no sort of traumatic experience that night, their DD was in safe hands.

Now her DH has moved to the spare room ( for 2 months) and the only way DD will sleep is if she lies with her in the bed for a hour or more until she falls asleep.Mum has to sleep in bed with her for the whole night too. They don't know how to rectify the situation. They've always been against crying (which i agree with, but my Dtwins are not like this) and i think this has maybe let the situation get out of control in the first place, they are letting her control them too much.

Any suggestions as what to do?! They are desperate!
Thanks!

I'd say that co sleeping is fine and ask why her dh is in another room?

What problems are there with co sleeping that she wants to adress other than dh in the spare room?

We co sleep with our twins when neccessary and am all for it - whatever you have to do to survive!

i think she is just frustrated that now she has to go to bed for about an hour in order for her DD to settle in the evening and just wants her to be able to sleep sme of the time in her cot!!

Have they tried putting her in her cot, then just sitting on her bedroom floor with her? That's what we're having to do with 17mo ds at the moment, and we used to be able to put him down and leave him every night. He takes about twenty mins to drop off, and cries if you leave him when he's still awake or just dropping off, it's a pain in the bum but at least it's not all night.

If they're worried she's controlling her then maybe they'll just have to let her cry it out for a few mins?!

We did pick up put down at that sort of age with DD.

Put her down in cot with kiss and 'sleep time now' or similar phrase.
If cries, pick up, cuddle till crying stops and then put down with same phrase.
Repeat ad nauseam!
If whimpering, but not crying, put hand on chest (or bottom depending on how they sleep) and pat rhythmically like a heartbeat. Gradually reduce speed/weight of patting as whimpering dies down.
Try to leave the room before they are fully asleep.

The first week or so you need to do lots of picking up (night 4 always seems to be much worse for some reason), but it's a method which doesn't involve a lot of crying and worked for us.