4yr old touching himself.

[Mumof4Monsters]

Please dont jump on me straight away, i know this is totally normal & i wasnt worried about that at all, however, when my almost 4&half yr old DS started stuffing soft toys down his trs it threw me a little. Now he has started removing his underwear & crawling under his bed before putting teddy down his trs & i dont know what to do I havnt seen him rubbing or jiffling, he just lies there. I have 3 older children with an 8yr gap between 3 & 4 but i can not remember any of them doing this, how far do i let it go before it is no longer 'normal' & i should worry? Thanks for any help.

have no experience of this however my first thought is that maybe encourage him to do this on the bed under the covers rather than under the bed.

I know one of nephews who is now in his 20s used to do similar thing under the covers and a 2 year old neice does his with anything when she is tired but she is not fussy where she does it.

I think it is the under the bed thing that does not sit right with me, not sure why, but if he where my son I would rather he was able to relax and do this in his bed if it was of any comfort to him.

it is never not normal or cause for worry IMHO

I completely agree with the mnetter who has just changed her name to TheEnthusiasticTroll (I read that post too ) and would add that it's best not to give out the message that you think there's anything weird about it at all or you risk giving your child a hang-up. You won't change whatever you find weird, but just make him feel insecure because he now has to worry about your reaction to it and whether he's weird or the world will accept him, when clearly he won't be doing this in front of people when he's an adult in any event. It's normal for children to find their bits and even masturbate. Holding or touching genitals needn't be that sexual anyway, but it must be comforting for a boy, I think, as so many of them do it so much of the time.

But Troll, I think the under the bed thing might just be that some children find cubby holes especially comforting places, as well as being more private, so I wouldn't imagine it would be a problem for me if I were you. (I used to climb into dark cupboards all the time when I was little because it made me feel very secure, so I have some sympathy). This bit of therapy is probably helping the OP's son recharge his confidence batteries at the end of the day. He will grow out of it.

Thank you very much, that does make me feel better. I have (& would) never told(tell) him it is wrong so dont think i've 'scared' him into going under the bed but i have asked him a few times what his doing so maybe, without meaning to, have made him too conscious about it. I think i will tell him to curl up in bed when he does it & just ask him to put his pants back on before he comes down stairs. Hopefully that will let him know it's ok in his bedroom but not really anywhere else. The only thing i have to watch then is the fact that he shares a room with his 12yr old brother but, fingers crossed, the 'under the covers' should deal with that. Once again, thanks :)

Thanks totallynaive, i was typing my message as you did so posted it before reading yours. I am very conscious of not wanting to make him feel as if he is doing anything wrong (because he isnt). He was an 'unplanned extra' hence the big age gap, & we are a tall family, so he lives in a house of BIG people, i can totally understand him wanting to find a cubby hole to hide in, hee hee.

i can see now under the bed is not really an issue, I was concerned that maybe had been given the message that he shouldnt be doing it and so was maybe hiding, but thats probably not the case.