Aggressive behaviour in 2.7 yr old. Help needed desperately

[BuddhaBelly]

My ds is 2.7 yrs old and since he was 2 has picked up some awful behaviour. On the whole he behaves better for GPs and nursery, in fact I had a meeting with nursery this wk and they have no issues with his behaviour they say he's no different to the other boisterous 2-3 yr olds. But his behaviour for us is awful. He seems to hate dh, he spits in his face, hits him, dh finds it v hard to stay calm as its been going on for a few months now and sometimes reacts by shouting etc. we've tried time out for his bad behaviour, time out for toys, ignoring him, praising good behaviour. We are now asking him to do things and counting to three which works some if the time. My main question is how can I repair the relationship between ds and dh? Tonight dh said he doesn't love ds and I haven't stopped crying since. I'm not sure how much sense this is making so apologies if it rambles

Dear BuddaBelly, I'm not totally sure how to help you, i'm mulling that one over, but wanted to send you hugs & let you know someone is listening

Children pick up on the parents-it is difficult to know which came first-the behaviour of DS or the feelings of DH. It sounds as if DH has no idea how to interact with a toddler. How about you both going to parenting classes? I went to them and would recommend.

I think he's only just started feeling like this in last couple of months, I don't think deep down he means it he's just hurting (I hope) I contacted my friend who runs a children's centre and we've started the triple P (Positive Parenting Project) but dh is struggling to remain calm and tbh I find it difficult keeping control and ds isn't being vile to me 24/7. They do have quality time together dh takes him swimming or to visit his Nan and they get on slightly better.
Maybe I'll check if they offer parenting classes locally. Thanks for thoughts ladies, anything is appreciated I'm at my wits end!

I think that he maybe just has unrealistic expectations-they are not called 'terrible twos' for nothing! A good reason for parenting classes-if not- a book like 'Toddler Taming'-look on Amazon or try the library.

Also lots of physical activity-tire him out (DS that is).

I keep trying to say to dh "it's just a phase" "he'll grow out of it" but even I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel it's horrendous I feel like such a failure. Just googled and no parenting classes in local area

Exotic we do find if we do lots of physical things with him his behaviour improved

well kids that age can be rough and hit, kick etc, i have to say i am suprised at him spitting in his dads face! thats a new one for me (from a child that age anyway, i know older kids might try that)

i really think that parenting classes may be the way to go, do you have a sure start centre anywhere near you, or childrens centre, they often run them or your hv should be able to tell you about them.

i think yes to lots of activity, is he worse as home? then get him out and about doing stuff, anything even just lots of long walks, does your dh ride a bike? toddlers love bike rides he could go in a seat or a trailer? or get him a balance bike or scooter?

are there any triggers for his behaviour esp the spitting, any warning signs taht he is getting the point where he is going to behave like that, so you can try to stop it before it gets to that point?

Sometimes there are triggers but not always. Whenever we say no or put him on time out he spits. It's obviously an attention thing and when he started doing it we both reacted instead of staying calm so we've made the situation worse. But when he spits at dh it is usually without warning but he knows dh still reacts to it so he's pushing his buttons hugely.

Thanks for advice ladies will give lots of activity a try