Advice needed - other kids playing rough with my son...

[OvenReady]

Hi mums,

I'm a bit narked off and don't know how to resolve this... I can't tell my husband cos he'll be bullish about it, and demand I stop seeing my friends.

[names have been changed...]

The mum friends I hang out with are Sue and Jo. Sue has 2 girls, 4 year old and 2 year old. Jo has daughter Amy who's 4, and son Bob who's 2 1/2 The mums are lovely, great support and like minded, however the kids are really beginning to bug me. My son Bill is the youngest at 20 months and the smallest (just).

Everytime we get together the four kids are too rough with Bill - if he has a toy or a ball someone will snatch it off him. Bob is VERY rough with him and will push him over for no reason whatsoever - I've watched him many times. Bill is so laid back he doesn't snatch back or fight back, he just gives in. Sometimes Sue and Jo step in, but at one point today I watched Bob blatantly grab Bill and try to knock him over: I yelled for him to stop, and Jo made excuses saying Bob was trying to help Bill up a step (he was not!). I then made a remark about Bill being little and picked on, to which Sue and Jo made excuses.

I love spending time with S and J, and some of the time the kids play nicely. The older girls take toys off Bill, and I've had to step in a few times. How do I deal with this? Jo's 2 kids are so loud and play too rough, I won't have them round my house. I don't wanna cut myself off from them.... I don't want to offend them, but i'm upset for Bill.....

How do I tackle this without upsetting them and losing my good friends?

Well your son is only a little younger...he's 4 months shy of 2...the others thugh they seem very big to you are not much more than toddlers...apart from the 4 year old.

It IS normal for 2 year old's to push and shove....if you're "yelling" for them to stop you may be coming over as precious...if the other Mothers' dont always stop their kids it may be because once you have more than one child, you become a bit less careful...because you've seen it all before.

If the older girls take toys, then you could say "Why dont you let Bill play with that one...he'll give it over when it's your turn"

Because a 4 year old should know not to take things.

Get in the mix more and sit and chat to friends whilst alongside the children, as often they don't have the skills to play nicely together in one big group.

Be proactive and either move ds out of harm's way.

Or distract with offers of other toys: 'That's the one Bill's playing with, have this one'
And recognise when it's all getting a bit much for them all/there's a spate of crying: 'ooh come and see what I've got for you in the kitchen...' (snack) and the quieten down in front of CBeebies
And positively praise so you're reinforcing the behaviour you do want: 'Ahh, you're so gentle with Bill, letting him join in/sharing the toys'...'He's really smiling at you, he likes all the pretty girls!...

Or if it kicks off, just pick Bill up out of harms way and let the other mothers sort out their own dcs.