My 5yr old son always in trouble at school!! Any advice??

[Lanita]

My 5yr old is always getting into trouble at school. From the time we walk into the school gates, he seems to switch off to me, being overly excited to see his friends & doesn't even say goodbye.
The teacher is always telling me that he has been misbehaving during the day or not listening or distracting other children. The policy at the school is to send the child out of the class for part of the class, which I totally think is wrong as he is then missing out on what was learnt at that time.
One on one, he is great. He does have a younger brother (3yrs) who he can egg on sometimes & they have their spats as brothers would, but nothing I can't handle. And then there is school & his friends there. Mind you I don't think he's the only one that's causing the teacher to pull her hair out.

I would like to have a long talk with the teacher, without my son there to see if we can figure out a different way to tackle this. We need to also figure out what is causing this type of behaviour.
Does anyone have any thoughts on what the problem could be??
How I can approach it with him & the teacher??
And what other ways could the teacher handle it in class instead of sending him out??
Any thoughts or advice welcome. I know it's hard to give advice if you don't know the whole situation, but I have tried to explain as much as possible.
Just say whats on your mind, a different perspective will help me put the puzzle pieces together.
Thanksxxx

Well the first thing you need to do is arrange an appointment with teacher. Ask her to consider his triggers or whether he is like that all the time. Is there a time that is harder for him, sitting next to a certain child. Also you need a way of letting him know that you know about this behaviour and it's not on.
Maybe a home school book would be helpful.

Well, it's not uncommon for 5 year old boys do find it hard to settle into 'school' behaviour. So don't feel that it is unusual.

I have had some similar problems with my daughter, she is mostly fab but has some silly behaviours with school friends. I have spoken to her lovely teacher about it and we both approach it with a firm "NO, being a cat in class is not the right behaviour" etc, she needs to understand that there are some behaviours that are ok for the playground/home etc but not ok for school. But she is a bit older than your son - 7.

I agree that sending him out of class seems to be unhelpful, unless he's really nuts and making teaching hell for everyone. And it doesn't sound like that's the case.

Talk to the teacher, talk to your son, make sure he's getting a healthy diet, enough exercise etc etc. And be firm. Also remember as I said in the beginning, 5 year old boys are not necessarily suited to sitting in the classroom, but he does have to learn.

I'm surprised the teachers are excluding your son. I have a conversation with my dd's TA this morning and I was shocked to find out what her behaviour is at school, I had no idea. Like your son, she is 5 and gets very excited once at school, doesn't say goodbye and rushes inside. She is very popular but TA told me today that she has been aggressive and shows no remorse when is disciplined. I asked because I'm a CM and I'm noticing her bad behaviour around my charges even though she doesn't hurt them so I was gob smacked to hear she is trying to hurt friends at school. TA suggested a meeting with the teacher and both parents and HER too so we can talk to her about this and she can sense how serious this is. I suggest you talk to the teacher first and suggest the same kind of meeting for your son so he will take the warnings more seriously. But...they won't exclude for any activity (I suggested it) so I don't know if your son's teachers are doing the right thing or not.

Hearing test ?

And yes, speak to teacher, have they any other concerns

Good luck

I think it's important to have the first parent/teacher meeting without the child present so that you can have an honest discussion and hopefully find some resolutions together.
A follow up chat with everyone including the child is important too. As much as I would say it's important to work together, ensure you're not working together against the child (in his opinion). He needs to know you're his advocate and totally on his side.

I would try to avoid any resolutions/methods which single him out eg only have a home school contact book if everyone else does. Other children will quickly pick up on differences and might label him naughty. He sounds like a standard 5 year old, not naughty.
I like Lisad's idea about discussing triggers - this might get the teacher to think about his/her behaviour management techniques and how situations can be prevented rather than punished.
Good luck.

Ask the teacher before meeting to list very specific behaviours that she thinks needs to be addressed. Itakes it much easier to then priorities the challenging behaviours and come up with some strategies.

To summarise: don't accept he's disruptive, accept "he calls out during ?" etc.

V G point Sleepless. Specific is v important.

Could you take him for a runaround before school perhaps? It seems to me that many of the boys in dd's class are already in trouble a lot. These are the boisterous ones - from observing them in the playground, I would say that this is a) lack of strong boundaries from parents and/or b) just too much energy for sedentary schooling.

My godson is incredibly boisterous - his parents have very clear boundaries (which they enforce properly) and make sure that he goes to the park or similar both before and after school. He's gorgeous and bright - but can be horribly rough when he's not managed properly.

Hello, haven't a solution for you i'm afraid, but just wanted to say that I could totally have written this!!! My son's teacher mainly has a problem with his fidgeting and concentration span. He is a typical boisterous boy too which doesn't help the situation much either. She said his fidgeting was so bad that she wanted him seen my the special needs specialist, who after being assessed, said there was nothing wrong with him, and that as he starts to mature he will probably calm down, he's always been very energetic shall we say! I have a meeting with his teacher next week, as this has been going on all year and would ideally like to get it sorted before he moves up to year 1. I know what i'm saying isn't much help, but your son sounds exactly like mine. Which over time, I have come to realise he isn't naughty, he's just a bit irritating! (For the teacher that is!!) She too has 6 others in his class which are exactly the same and I think they are all drawn together. Sounds like our 2 may be in the same class!!!!!

There is never one solution, brainstorm, try something, if it doesn't work try something else.

Fidgeting: stress ball, hands under legs, small object like a die in his hands, seating position (at back/front etc especially if he has something in his hands to not disrupt others), timer to avoid lengthy mat time

Be clear, is it fidgeting on the mat? At the desk? During particular activities? Acknowledge desired behaviour.