DD's behaviour issues. Is this ever likely to improve?

[DeeDeeDeeandDee]

DD, a week away from her 4th birthday, has terrible behaviour in terms of constant whining (screaming, at home) and showing off and misbehaving at her pre-school, even being cheeky to the adults there. She often shouts at me and DH, hits us and, recently, bitten us. Many a nice time with one of her friends is ruined by her screaming and whining. TBH it's embarrassing. I'm starting to wonder if she'll have no friends if she continues along this path.

We (DH and I) don't take this behaviour lightly and will send her upstairs (equivalent of naughty step, which didn't work for us as she just wouldn't stay on it) with a stern telling off, until she apologises for what she's done, etc.

She has plenty of sleep, is well-fed, we love her very much and make sure she knows it with lots of cuddles and we tell her how much we love her, and she isn't forced into doing things that she doesn't want to do, although we do set reasonable boundaries - must eat breakfast, say please and thank you - the usual stuff.

She has a half sister who is much older and doesn't live with us. She sees her and they get on well, but her sister is 15 so it's not a 'playful' bond. In effect, she's an only child. However, she has friends over to play all the time and socialises at pre-school.

Sorry this is rambling. I just wanted to know if it's likely that her behaviour will change. She has always been very demanding and a big-time whiner.

Is there something I should do that I'm not???!!!

Thanks so much. I'm nearing the end of my tether!

So you deal with the bad behaviour (which is good) - but how are you in praising the good behaviour? In amongst the wingeing and strops, there must be the odd time she does what she's asked and behaves well - you need to never miss one of those times, and make a huge song and dance about it. Lots and lots of praise - and keep linking it back to specifics ("I'm so proud of you for being so helpful when we did X,Y and Z") etc.

And maybe a more general reward system? If we don't have to send you to your room at all in a day (pick a shortish timeframe, to keep it more tangible for her) then you get X (sticker, whatever), and if you get 7 stickers in a week you get Y.

Four year olds can be bloody awful. Endless pushing of the boundaries - it's soul-destroying. I never had the Terrible Twos with mine - but they were all pretty horrible at four. They do get nice again.

How about a sticker chart for when she does something well or a penny jar. Praising small things like putting toys away etc. My ds 4.6 can be whinny... I tell him I can't understand what he is saying if he uses his whiny voice and ask him to say it in his big boy voice - that works sometimes. I also use a count warning. If I have to ask for 3 times for x y z to happen then there is a consequence - favourite toy on shelf for afternoon, can't watch octanauts etc.