My 11 month old seems to be being left behind by his baby-friends' development :-(

[MrsHelenBee]

My son is a smiley, giggling and happy little chap, which I am incredible grateful for, but I keep worrying he's not reaching developmental milestones with his friends. I tried tummy time from day one, but he hated it. I persisted but eventually he yelled as soon as he was being turned as he knew what was coming. At 6 months, his other friends were rolling back to front and front to back, and getting themselves quite mobile but my son only ever wanted to be on his back. After persisting for weeks, he figured out how to turn so the second he was on his front, he could get onto his back again straight away. And that is where he stays. He sits on his own and reaches for toys but if he overbalances and ends up laying on his front, he yells and gets into such a state. One mum told me to to leave him to it and let his frustration make him work out what to do but just how long should I stand by and watch my son crying histerically before I intervene? I don't do everything for him, I try to to encourage as much independence as possible, but at every step we seem to be getting left further and further behind. Now his friends are all crawling and their mums tell me I should be making the most of his being stationary, but he really really is the only one who isn't keeping up. I'm worried there are things I'm not doing, or things I'm doing wrong, which are hindering his development. I know all babies are different - I'm a teacher and constantly tell parents that all children are individuals and have their own strengths, but the worry about my own son won't leave me. I've stopped meeting the other mums as they always asked what new tricks he was up to, and I could only ever say that there were none. They talk about what their children do, and I can't contribute anything. I'm sorry this is so long but I'm worried and feel guilty that it's my fault, and that I'm a failure.

Does he like toys that he can stand in (bouncers etc)?

he will be fine - my now 3.5 adventurous, climbing, running, jumping, dancing dd didn't crawl until almost a year, and didn't walk until 16 months. How old were you and your DP when you crawled/walked? It's largely genetic and/or temperamental. YOu don't sound as if you have any other concerns about him.

Mine were all really different. DD started pulling up at 11 months and first steps at 11.5 months but didn't crawl until she turned 1! Ds2 rolled and wriggled a bit but wasn't properly mobile until he crawled at just turned 1 then didn't walk until nearly 16 months. At age 5 he is a little whirlwind! DS2 started crawling at 8 months and pulled up at 9 months and can stand and take a step now at 11 months. If I'd had him first I'd have been really worried about the other 2!

I know it's really easy to say don't worry, but it really is too early to worry yet. I promise it's very unlikely to be anything you are doing either. At this age you'd have to try really hard to hold back their development. They just do it when they're ready.

Oh and don't leave him screaming hysterically. He can't learn anything in that state. My first two both hated being on their tummies too. DS2 loved it. That might be why he crawled earlier, who knows, but it was down to him not me pushing it.

He loves his door bouncer - he'd be in it 24/7 if I let him! He picked up what he had to do really quickly, but we didn't get any walker-type toys for him as his health visitor and the community nursery nurses couldn't criticise them enough for encouraging tip-toe walkers. I recently decided a stationary playzone would be good as he's so curious, but he's already at the recommended max weight for them so it seemed pointless to buy one. I'd love more variety for him.
My husband bottom-shuffled rather than crawled, and then just started walking at 16m. I was only a bit quicker than that according to my mum, and liked to shuffle rather than crawl.

how about toys that encourage standing - like the low music tables with buttons to press etc.

He isn't too young to be trying to stand so encourage that if he is more interested.

Also just get him sitting strongly and maybe encourage a bum shuffle!

He doesn't sound abnormal at all!

I know how you feel - you could be describing my DD at the same age. She is now 19 months and is not yet walking, but has recently been diagnosed as hypermobile and we have just started physio. She didn't sit herself up from lying down until about 11 months (though had been happy to sit unaided from about 5 months) and only crawled at about 13 months. I still have the "ooh, you should make the most of it" comments and the pitying looks - have even had "helpful" suggestions from another mum that she may have undiagnosed cerebal palsy. I try very hard not to compare her to other children (and actually her cognitive and fine motor skills are fab) but as you say, it is difficult not to! I know in DDs case it is due to her super bendy physique ( and also the fact that now she crawls and bum shuffles with amazing speed so has no need to walk!), but the physio did tell me that they come across lots of children with delayed gross motor skills but no medical condition, who simply take a little longer to get moving but catch up in their own time.

He's got a thing for shuffling down onto his back from sitting after a while, and while he doesn't want to stay there for too long, it just adds to the time he spends on his back. Not rolling means he's never slept any other way than on his back, so he has a flat patch. Since he's sat it's gotten a bit better, but so many people point it out so, together with his inactivity, I'm always worried. He went onto Hungry Milk at 3m and I worry that I overfeed him too as his friends eat less and weigh a hell of a lot less! Everyone comments on his weight too. I always thought I was relaxed but I wonder if I'm going totally crackers with worry now - flat head, overfeeding, heavy baby, doesn't roll, doesn't crawl. I just wish he wasn't the only one in his group for all these things!

Oh dear, just remembered I missed one off the list - if he's on his back, that's where he stays. He flings his legs around like a mad thing, sufficient to get him halfway up his cot. He also rolls side to side, though not to the point where he's over his shoulder and carries on to his front. He only sits if I sit him, he can't get there himself.

where is he on the growth charts? is he tall for his age?

it is natural to worry - in fact it is your job! Do you have an HV that you feel confident enough in to share your concerns?

My DN was an enormous baby and didn't really do much other than sit for the first 12 months!

Hi DD1 did not crawl until about 15 months two weeks later she was walking. Her fine motor skills were also good, she talked really well early and with persistent glue ear. When she reached the twos there ere barely any tantrums as she understood what was going on around her.

He is just learning other skills first I think. Now Dd1 plays tag rugby, swam 5x36m lengths of swimming pool and is in a lot of ways more physically capable than her peers. Try not to compare it makes everything a whole lot tougher. Sure all will work out in the end.

Oh and DD only sat herself up after she figured out how to get to standing.

My ds was very similar. I can't remember exact milestones, but he couldn't sit unsupported until nearly 9 months and didn't walk until 18 months. Bum snuffled rather than crawled, and hated being on his tummy. He seemed much younger and behind other babies his age.

He's now 3 and there's no difference between him and babies that were walking before a year. These things usually even out and do let yourself enjoy him still being stationary!

Poppystar1 - it's so good to have someone know where I'm at, although obviously I wouldn't wish the physio on your little one. Or the CP suggestion!

EverybodysSleepyEyed - how do I encourage him to shuffle? I think if he did that, I'd accept the lack of crawling as he'd found a desire to get mobile in his own way. Wish he wasn't too big for the tables and standing playzones.

cutegorilla - wow, 3 who couldn't be more different! I think having had one and seen them through the first couple of years ok must help a lot, you have a benchmark for others. Thanks for the all the facts on what they did and when and, like you said, I think the order you had them in was definitely a stroke of luck for worry levels!

If your not comfortable with the tables (my DD still plays with hers and she's 2!) why not try standing him at the sofa and putting interesting toys on it and a tiny bit out of reach

you could also try a sand/water table

Maybe do that when he's sitting - give him a boring toy to start with then put a more interesting one so he has to stretch a little - he might figure out a shuffle. Not sure though as mine were both commando crawlers

He's just go the 98th centile on the charts. He was 8lb 5oz at birth, so ot as big as he could have been. He was poorly at the start and lost a lot of weight, going down to under 7lb, so his growth line has looked rather dramatic since then as he caught up (and overtook!) the other babies. He's solid - no one thinks he's fat - and very strong, but his legs are very long so he's already into 12-18m trousers as anything smaller swings above his ankles! He seems very long to me. I'm 5'10" and my husband is 6'6", so I think he's destined to be tall!

Wow, having joined this evening in desperation for some advice, I can't believe how lovely and supportive everyone is. I didn't even expect a response as I sound so paranoid! Thank you everyone, really liking all of the tips!!!

try measuring his height - it sounds like he is tall so if he is on a high centile for that too then he is probably fine weight wise

You said your 2 year old still likes her toys. We loved the look of the Leapfrog Activity Station but the weight limit is 11kg (which they suggest is a 2yr old!), and my boy is 12kg. I thought I wa being rather irresponsible buying something be was too heavy for, I'd never orgive myself if something went wrong because he was too heavy for it. It is a shame though, I know he'd have loved it!

You are a teacher. Do you really think you could be doing all the things you do with your son every day and not giving him the opportunity to develop normally?

Children are genetically programmed to develop at their own pace and all you can do is make sure they have the right environment and resources to use when they are ready. Having read your posts I am perfectly sure you do everything right. Now you have to let nature work its miracles at the right time.

In no time you will be looking back and wondering what you were so worried about.

If you want more variety for him you'd be better going for heuristic play, treasure boxes etc.

I think much of learning to walk is innate so unfortunately this is one thing you can't 'teach' him though you can enciurage him.

He should be due a overall development check with your HV anytime from now. You could also mention any concerns to your GP but I doubt they would refer until 18 month plus, as theres there's so much variation with starting to walk.

Is he developing well in other areas? Does he pick up toys well, use his thumb and forefinger to pick up small things and food? Does he respond to his name? Is he starting to make noises himself, though not really words? Does he point to things?

You're not the only one. My DS is 11 months old today and shows no interest in crawling and walking seems way off as he straightens his legs to bare weight only if you make him he just isn't interested he doesn't even bounce much in a bouncer. He was checked over at his 8 month check and pronouced perfect though.

I'm not too bothered ar the moment as I know he'll get there in his own time. He is the happiest little boy, content, loves his toys, love his big sister more than anything and babbles happily away all of the time. He bum shuffles accross the floor to get his toys, can roll around (but chooses not to) and like your DS is on the 98th centile for height (75th for weight).

I'm not too worried about him being behind his peers in the movement stakes as he has done some different things first ahead of them - he was the first to happily use a sippy cup, the first talker, and he can now sing the tune to 'the wheels on the bus' so they all do things at different times. I'm just enjoying the fact that he is such a happy little soul - he'll crawl when he wants to I guess.

Thanks everyone, maybe I do just have a baby who's content where he is. He was holding his head up very early on, and was described by the health visitors and nursery nurses as being very attentive, interested and alert from the word go. He started making lots of noises when he was just a coule of months old, and was babbling away from a very early age - no deliberate words but clear Mama, Dada and Nana sounds, and an endless variety of phonemes. He reaches for toys, manipulates them, and picks up very small things with his finger and thumb. He holds his sippy cup and loves to pretend to feed me with his spoon. He plays Peekaboo, and hides himself behind muslins and bibs now, as well taking them away. I can ask him 'Where's Mummy's nose?', and he touches my nose. He hands me his favourite comforter when I ask him where it is. He only needs to be shown how to work a toy once or twice, then does it himself.
He is a very happy little boy, always smiling and giggling, always excited by even little things, and he thinks action songs are one of the best inventions ever. I was worried he was happy because he wasn't intelligent enough to know more complex emotions (although I NEVER wanted him to be unhappy!) I know I'll look back on all of this one day and wonder what I made such a fuss about but I have always had massive self esteem issues and would never forgive myself if he was missing out.
thanks again everyone for so much support and advice!