Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

At my wits end with sodding bath time. Calm me down please.

26 replies

slatternlymother · 26/06/2012 18:18

DS 21mo. Recently started SCREAMING at bath time. I mean screaming, screaming and gagging until he manages to bring up a bit of sick. God only knows what the neighbours think. The screaming is otherworldly.

We HAVE to bath him; he's filthy from nursery (lots of messy play; paint in hair tonight etc).
For the first time in a long time, I had to step away for fear of hurting him and handover mid bath.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

slatternlymother · 26/06/2012 18:22

Also I don't know if it's a tantrum. I just don't know. Please can someone talk me down? I'm SO stressed with this.

OP posts:

Foshizzle · 26/06/2012 18:24

My DC1 went through a phase like this recently. Triggered by a graze on the knee. Might have been sore. A plaster helped that particular issue and a few times I had to get in the bath too. Is that an option?

A friend also suggested a shower (with me) instead but that didn't go down too well.

Original poster

slatternlymother · 26/06/2012 18:27

foshizzle we've done it all. This has happened in the past, we just persevered and it just went away. But this is way beyond the pail. He is wild. I'd say it was a tantrum but for the lack of hitting/thrashing. It stops the second he is dressed, no crying in bed at all.

OP posts:

Iggly · 26/06/2012 18:29

Give him a shower and let him play with the shower head while you wipe him down?

Foshizzle · 26/06/2012 18:29

I know how infuriating it is. It brings on The Rage. Does he do it with your partner too? Can he articulate at all what the problem is? Water too cold? Hot?

Original poster

slatternlymother · 26/06/2012 18:30

It was the shower that made him urge to be sick. It's almost as if he's making himself be sick to get me off him.

Total calm is restored the second that sleep suit is buttoned.

OP posts:

Foshizzle · 26/06/2012 18:33

Ok. With DC1 we took it right back to basics. So DC1 chose the towel, helped me turn the taps on, picked the toys, threw them in, told me when the water was high enough, basically managed the process. Then I got in and sat in the bath and just chatted. I felt like a fool, a fool I tell you. Then we talked about the bath and eventually persuasion worked. It took a while though. I did it with no expectations.

Until then could you do a flannel wash and "over the sink" hairwash? Bugger I know but if it breaks the cycle for a while...

Original poster

slatternlymother · 26/06/2012 18:34

Yes we've taught him hot (he says hot, owwee) and cold.

And yes, it brings on The Rage. I really, REALLY try not to show. Tonight though I just went 'fuck it' and got DH to take over.

It's odd behaviour from him; he has NEVER been like this. It is wild, wild screaming that no cuddles/kisses/soothing voices/music/songs/toys will stop. The screaming (and you would be hard pressed to scream louder; I cannot articulate just how loud it is) is like a kick in the gut that makes me want to cry and scream too.

OP posts:

Foshizzle · 26/06/2012 18:35

Any chance he's too tired for a bath...?

Original poster

slatternlymother · 26/06/2012 18:36

foshizzle great suggestion; he is at an in between though where he wouldn't quite understand iyswim? But yeah, perhaps getting him involved more so letting him know that it's happening rather than just springing him.

I'd totally get it if we'd said no to something. But I'm just just to fucking well bathe him

OP posts:

Original poster

slatternlymother · 26/06/2012 18:37

Unfortunately fo that's just circumstances. We only get in at 5 and this is in bed by 6.

OP posts:

Foshizzle · 26/06/2012 18:40

Yeah I get it. You could give him choices - say of towels and of toys, and get him to throw them in himself, that sort of thing. I'd try doing it at the weekend when there's less at stake and you're less pushed for time.

Original poster

slatternlymother · 26/06/2012 18:43

Thank you. I am grateful. Sometimes I just need to hear that I'm not the only one

He is such a nice boy otherwise; no tantrums, sleeps 14 hours a night with a 2. Hour midday nap, is sociable, nice, easygoing, good eater... But presented with this, I am utterly stumped.

OP posts:

DaPrincessBride · 26/06/2012 18:47

DD did this at exactly the same age. It was triggered originally by her pooing in the bath, which she hated. I took her into town, she chose a cheap bath toy and I surprised her with a Waybuloo towel and that night she was so distracted by the new toys and towel she was a joy to bathe! She also had a special sparkly sticker afterwards.

Not had a problem since. Hope that helps - it's a horrible phase!

Chandon · 26/06/2012 18:50

just wipe him a bit, and bath only once or twice a week, then gradually increase again when he is a bit older (18).

Seriously, kids no not need a bath every day. A wipe with a warm flannel can do wonders.

My kids have eczema and I never bathed them every day.

Original poster

slatternlymother · 26/06/2012 18:53

Would he be too young for a sticker chart?

OP posts:

banyan · 26/06/2012 18:53

Can you do a strip wash instead? Sink full of warm water, wash him down with a cloth. I appreciate they get filthy at nursery (I have a 21mo too!) but it might help to calm things down if you just remove the bath for now. A strip wash won't help on the grubbiest days but a little bit of grub leftover for a while isn't going to hurt.

Also, can you teach him to wash himself? My DD has learnt to wash her tummy, bottom and face from watching her older brother, and does a reasonably competent job which I can then just quickly wipe over. If he has some control over it then he might feel more predisposed to enjoying the bath.

Also, could you just do a bath for fun? Blow bubbles, sing songs, splash loads, not even get a flannel near him? It might help him relax and enjoy baths again.

Just a few thoughts, no idea if it will work. Good luck. Both of mine have been through a hating baths phase but it's more just sobbing here than screaming. In those situations we just did it super quickly and didn't worry about doing behind their ears etc. so long as the worst was dealt with.

Chandon · 26/06/2012 18:53

I did not even have a bath when they were babies/tots, just a bucket and I'd scoop water over them (3rd world living). It was fine. You get hung up about things liek this, really it is not necessary.

banyan · 26/06/2012 18:55

And even though they both love baths at the moment, I happily skip them once or twice a week if one or all of us is too tired, or I just can't be bothered, and just do a quick wash.

TartyMcFarty · 26/06/2012 19:18

Another one whose DD gave in to the temptation of a Waybulloo bubble bath toy.

lambethlil · 26/06/2012 19:26

Let him choose a bath toy, bathe with him, strip wash?

Don't bath him every day- they really don't need it.

He sounds very happy apart from this, it'll pass!

simpson · 26/06/2012 19:28

My DS went through this when he was about 2 and what worked was putting him in the bath but allowing him to remain standing.

Also some fab new bath toys seemed to help, like bath crayons for drawing on the bath.

jubilee10 · 26/06/2012 19:42

Ds2 used to sit on the edge of the sink, on a towel with his feet in the water. I washed him down with a cloth. He's 14 now and showers every morning. It will pass!

GrimmaTheNome · 26/06/2012 19:53

My DD was horribly bath-phobic for quite a while. It did pass - and its long enough ago that the details have mercifully faded from my memory but it really was quite awful. We had a nanny at the time and on occasion it took both of us - one to hold, the other to wash without any water getting on DDs face as that was what made her go from very upset to totally apeshit.
She got better as we managed to keep it out of her face - for years she had to hold a flannel to her forehead and tip her head right back for me to wash and rinse her hair.

Do you think there might be something specific and manageable like water in the eyes he hates that you could focus on fixing or is it washing in general that sets him off?

I had a dog at the time who was even worse, coincidentally I think! (He didn't hold a flannel over his eyes, not that bit )

IWanders · 26/06/2012 20:09

For 'fun' we bath ours in a big tub trug and let them fill the water with jugs, so we put the warm water in and they get to put a few warm jugs of water in and the bubbles, we bath them in the kitchen so the lino will just mop up if there are splashes. A change might jolt him out of the screaming mindset.

Another suggestion which worked amazingly for my son who screams in a similar manner to what your describing at bedtime (started by doddy removal) was descriptive parenting. Suggested by a friend so every time he is quite if there is that opportunity you say something like 'I notice your not shouting, the bath is fine do you like the bubbles' I felt stupid doing it at bedtime just talking calmly about what he was doing that was right and what was making me proud but after a couple of days he had calmed right down and is now quite at bedtime. I have no idea where my friend got the idea but it worked really well.

Good luck a screaming child is always really hard work and very upsetting as you can never seem to work out what to do with them.

Flip

1 2