I'm a scaredy cat....

[MrsRV]

.... So I've realised I'm a total wimp and just wondered if anyone else out there felt or feels the same? Little one is 3.5 months old and I still get myself all tied up in knots and anxious about going out. I'm ok going to people's houses but going to public places and having to feed her (not even breast feeding) and change her really worries me! I'm trying to build up the courage to take her to baby massage this week, which will be between feeds and is only down the road so why am I so scared! I was really scared of going to baby clinic for the first time too.... Going to Drs this afternoon for jabs and the appointment is 30 mins before her bottle is due and it's making me feel really anxious. Also, have been invited out to lunch with friends on Saturday, already worrying about room for the pram, hot water to heat bottle, changing facilities!!!! Am I normal??????

I think there's a huge amount of anxiety caught up in the first few months of having a baby so don't be hard on yourself. It's a massive responsibility and you're just getting used to having to look out for someone else for the first time (I'm assuming it's your first).
Have you worked out what it is that you're ultimately scared about? Is it that she'll scream her head off and other people might look your way? If that's the case, usually they look at you supportively (been there...!) and offer to help. If you're worried about logistics (hot water etc) why not write a pack list for your bag the night before so you're completely ready and won't forget anything? You could take hot water in a flask and a small bowl to stand your bottle in. You could phone the venue in advance and ask about changing facilities though most places have a pull out mat thingy in the bathrooms.
I know it's a huge step out of your comfort zone - I was JUST like you; I had a very ratty, dramatic and unpredictable baby and didn't venture anywhere unless he was asleep. I never went in the car or out to lunch. Looking back I ended up becoming a bit too isolated and that wasn't good for me.
Once you've done it a few times you'll probably find it a doddle and your baby will enjoy a change of scene. Once she's on solids, though, you WILL find things an awful lot easier. Now my (dramatic) baby is 20 months and is a delight.

My dd is now 6 months and I felt exactly like you. I ended up forcing myself to go out. I went to a babies group at the local children's centre. I phoned before & asked about feeding, changing, parking the car etc. I was really scared beforehand and arrived ridiculously early but dd and I now go every week and love it!

I suggest just plan everything you need to take in advance, change & feed before you go. I don't even know what I was really worried about happening but I completely understand your fears - you know they are irrational but you can't help it!

My dd is very demanding, gets tired quickly & becomes grumpy! But she loves going to groups etc and gets lots out of it. She isn't an easy baby but I've met lots of other mums there & people do help you so please don't worry.

Let us know how you get on!

DD is now 8mo but I completely remember those early days. You must get out and about and do this or it'll just create more fear and you'll be stressed every time you go out.

DD had bad reflux between 1-3 months and would just howl sometimes and in the early days I'd get so flustered it'd ruin my enjoyment of any outing. I think I was most worried about what everyone was thinking about my lack of parenting skills.

We joined a baby massage class when DD was 6 weeks and honestly, most of us spent the whole class either bf or cuddling crying babies! We were all laughing about how the only one doing any massage was the instructor! I made some great friends at that class and we still all meet once a week and go out for lunch, walks, picnics etc and even now, one or more of our babies will set off crying. But your amongst mums who have all been there so it's not as bad anymore.

Getting on the bus was my most stressful outing. If she started crying you can't just get them out of the pram easily on a moving vehicle. But take short journeys and build up your confidence. Worse case scenario you can jump off at the next stop, console your LO and get back on when they've calmed down.

Nappy changing is never easy in some of those public loos. I remember being in Costa Coffee changing DD and she was crying so much and kicking around it was impossible to get her clothes back on. It was taking so long someone knocked on the door and I decided that I'd forget putting her leggings back in and just stuck her back in the pram and walked back through the shop, past the queue waiting fir the toilet, with her screaming!! I found taking a toy or singing/tickling is a quick distraction. Also if you're out in town, John Lewis or similar have big baby changing rooms and you'll see lots of other harassed mums dealing with similar.

It just takes regular practice to build your confidence. What would you think if you saw another mum with a baby crying?? Bad mum?? Or 'poor mum, I know exactly how she feels'? And to anyone else/non parents, fuck 'em!! Babies cry...deal with it!

Should've added - it does get better. DD now calmly sits in high chairs in restaurants, waving her breadstick and smiling adorable at anyone who'll look her way. She's so well behaved everyone keeps telling me what a little angel I have. Hmmmm....they should try being at our house and bathtime!!!

Thank u all for your supportive words. I went to baby massage & post natal group yesterday & it was great and looking forward to going again! Although I tried to ensure that LO was all topped up with milk so I didn't have to feed her!

However, I did go to an adult restaurant for lunch with friend on Saturday which confirmed my worst. Fears, she got grouchy & cried... Cried through bottle (reflux). Restaurant wouldn't give me hot water to warm her bottle & insisted they had to do it behind the bar, then restaurant owner came over & shoved it into her mouth without me testing it... Luckily I did know it was cold & LO didnt seem to mind. Then restaurant owner harassed us the whole time as he was a baby expect having a 7 month old at home. Offered lots of baby advice and advised me on colic (not that DD has it!). Also told me my DR Browns bottles were rubbish & I should be using MAM bottles.

I've now decided that adult restaurants/places should be avoided at all costs!!!!!

That sounds like a super rude restaurant, and not typical