Nearly 5 year old not behaving in class

[debster]

Following on from Kizzie's thread about her ds being banned from the school play I have a situation that I would also appreciate some advice on.

My ds 4.11 has been attending reception half time since September. At the parents evening a few weeks ago we were told by his teacher that he was settling in very well, was very bright, no problems etc. We thought everything was fine until today when my partner picked him up at lunchtime as usual. The teacher called him aside and after all the other children had gone explained that for a few weeks now (ironically since the parents evening) ds had started being disruptive during "carpet time" when the whole class sit down and listen to stories. He has been disruptive to such an extent that he has had to be removed from the group. I'm not quite sure what this means as dp didn't ask many questions about it. He rang me at work to tell me and we have decided to talk about it when I get home in order to formulate a plan of action. After reading Kizzie's thread I am loathe to make a big deal of it with ds as I don't want to reward the bad behaviour by giving it lots of attention. However, I know we have to approach it somehow. I also would like to discuss it with the teacher to find out exactly what the problem is etc. I am concerned that if he is playing up and being disruptive during story time that perhaps he is bored - something he is prone to at home. Does anyone have any advice about how to approach this constructively. I know I am biased in that it is my son but he isn't even 5 yet. BTW we have discussed ds with a family therapist who didn't think ADHD was a problem but this was before we knew he was being disruptive at school.

Personally, I think this depends on your child but thinking back to my ds at a similar age (and experiencing similar problems), we always had a word with him - I think he needed to know that the teacher sees his behavious as being bad enough to have a word with one of us. We never told him off about it though just showed him that we were disappointed.
I think in your case, I would be tempted to say to him that Miss xx had a word with Daddy today and said that you being a bit silly during carpet time. Tell him that you were a bit surprised really as a little while ago she had told us how good he was at school and how well he was learning and how pleased she was with him. Then, I would ask him why he now found it hard to sit quietly and why he now misbehaved.
It may simply just be that over the first few weeks he was too scared to moved and didn't really know many of the other children, he has probably now made friends and grown in confidence and just now needs to learn when it is ok to play with his mates and when he should sit quietly.
Good Luck

Just a few ideas on things you might try to help the situation. (I'm a primary teacher at present on maternity leave!) First of all, I think it is important to explain to your son what you expect of him and why what he is doing is unacceptable. As the class teacher, I would come up with some kind of rewards system which is easily understandable for the whole class (I'm sure this is already in place). I would also have some kind of "behaviour chart" for particular children. One that I have used quite successfully is "traffic lights" - green - good day, amber - ok, red - speaks for itself. I start by filling it in every day and having a quick chat to the child to explain why I've used that colour. It then comes home for you to see and comment on. A small reward is given for a week with no reds. This is just one idea - you could have happy faces, star charts, rainbow charts, happy teddies, etc. For younger children the day has sometimes to be broken down into chunks, eg. 9am to morning break, etc. Has he had a bad experience during carpet time? I would also have a special job for a child to do at carpet time. I would choose children who were behaving appropriately to do this job at first and then hope others would aspire to it! I use a special badge or sticker to show whose job it is. It sounds really simple, but it works. I had a very disruptive child in my class who was quite violent. But it was amazing how he calmed down if he was the "official page turner" at story-time. Just a few ideas. Please let me know how everything works out.

Hi Debster - Im following this thread with interest (for obvious reasons).
FYI - Ive arranged a meeting in January with the teacher so that we can talk through how things are going.
Kizziex