Tips on how to stop 20 month old hurling food, before I hurl it back.....

[flibberdyjibbert]

So we did BLW with DD2, seemed to work a treat, I loved it, she loved it, all happy. However, over time the fine line between eating & messy play/full on chuck it about & say 'Funny!' appears to have become somewhat blurred. We've tried:

• Saying 'No'
• Removing her food/plate/cup/mat
• Pre-emptively removing her food/plate/cup/mat if it looks like she's getting to the end of a meal & starting to get bored
• Sitting her on the floor (the standard 'time-out' method that worked & still works a treat with our oh-so-obedient-congratulate-ourselves-on-our-amazing-parenting-oh-actually-now-we-realise-it-was-her-not-us DD1).

And still despite all that she continues to deliberately grab a handful of veg and throw it on the floor, before sprinkling milk all over the table, a look of triumphant glee on her face.

She's a very articulate 20 month old & sometimes I wonder if I expect too much from her in terms of behaviour & obedience - I honestly can't remember where DD1 was at at this age. We're trying to be consistent, & following through on our threats (removing toys etc), but it's hard to know how far to take it, whether she'll make the link between her behaviour & being deprived of something. We used 'sitting on the floor' (our naughty step equivalent) with DD1, but DD2 just doesn't seem to get it. She'll sit there quite happily, sometimes she'll take herself off to sit on the floor if she knows she's done something wrong , and sometimes DD1 will join her just for something to do. But it doesn't seem to stop her picking the flowers/pouring drink everywhere/pulling hair/chucking food the next time.

Am I just expecting too much from her? Or do I need to get a grip & assert myself a bit more? DH has even talked about resorting to smacking, which I could see working, but can't bring myself to even contemplate doing. Any tips gratefully received.

I think you're expecting way too much of a toddler who isn't even 2 yet.

It sounds like you got off lightly with dd1, and your second one is a bit more 'spirited'.

The only things I found effective at that age were pre-emptive actions (as you describe, taking her plate away when she's nearly finished and starting to look bored) and ignoring bad behaviour when possible and praising good.

Another year and her impulse control etc will be much more together. In the meantime, life will still involve lots of clearing up messes - sorry

Please don't consider smacking, I really don't think it would help and would make you both feel bad forever more. I agree you need to control it as much as poss. Small portions, non-messy food as much as poss or eating outside if it's nice; drink in spill proof beakers. I have a spirited DD and telling her what to do has NEVR got easier as she has v strong views on things but I love this about her; she's not really accepted me as 'the boss' apart from in our obvious age difference but that's OK cos those days of mess are far behind us now! And I miss them :(

I have wooden flooring and this sounds harsh but i leave my little boy to eat alone, because (wait before you flame me) he wont eat if i am in the room, and tend to only throw his food on the floor if i am in the room. So result is i leave him to eat in peace

Don't smack.

My ds does this too. I'm currently trying saying NO, then if he does it again, getting him out of the highchair and assuming that he's had enough food. Its not really working so far, as he still does it every meal time, but I'm keeping going with it for a while.

It won't last forever.

I have a 'spirited' 22 month old DS. I find he's best if he's either got lots of attention or no attention. So if I either chat actively to him about his lunch/the pictures on his plate etc he's ok, or if I leave the room to bustle in the kitchen (within earshot and with frequent checking, in case I get flamed too!!) he's ok. The worst is if I'm at the table but chatting to DH or DS1 (or, god help me, trying to read the paper). It's a blatant attention thing. (Incidentally, we don't get chucking food, but we get very deliberate spitting of water everywhere instead.) And if it's really bad, I'd just end the meal there and then. He'll hopefully soon learn not to start messing about until he's full up. (You can worry about restaurant etiquette a bit later!)

Thanks for the tips - wonder if it is just an attention thing if she's not involved in meal time conversation - sounds obvious now you mention it! Think she'd just see non-messy food as some sort of challenge - hard to think of something edible that's too heavy to pick up & throw digging out my mother's rock cake recipe as I type

And I promise we won't be smacking her. She'd just thump me back & then we'd be no further forward

Incidentally, she woke at 05:15 the other night to tell me that her nose had come off...

Had it?

Think she'd discovered she could stick her finger up her nose, rather than just on the tip of it

Just ignore if she is throwing food. She is doing it for a reaction. If she gets no attention it will soon stop.

Another food chucker/messer here (19 mo)

The only thing that seemed to work is to get her to hand me food if she doesn't want it and give her lots of praise.

Rather than just pre-emptively removing the plate, I actively involved her in it IYSWIM

I needed to watch her like a hawk at first, and as soon as she got slightly restless and looked like she was about to throw something, I got in there first, saying thank you, clever girl etc

I never gave food back, so that she quickly realised that if she wanted to eat something, she better be sure!

She now gets my attention, to give me bits she doesn't want, and tells me "All gone" and hands over her plate when shes had enough.(The dogs are disapointed though! After 6 months of food chucking they thought they were onto a good thing!)

I know what you mean about being aware of doing things they shouldn't, for example she grabbed stones out of my SIL's fireplace, shouting "No!" and ran out the room!

Ignore ignore ignore! It's all attention probably mixed with boredom when she's had enough.
Learn to read her cues for when she's had enough and remove the food.
My DD is 19 months and went through a phase of spitting out food. I ignored her and she got no reaction so she stopped.
She will throw food onto the floor when she's had enough but this is to feed the dog rather than for fun!
I try to make sure I'm always in the room when she eats and she will say "nuff" when she's finished. I then remove food straight away and nothing gets lobbed!

DS (18mo) is doing this too. I've starting asking him if he wants his food (by saying "mummy take"), which seems to work - either he agrees I can take it, or he starts to cry because he still wants it so I leave it. Half his meal is still going on the floor, but I'm probably deluded hopeful that he's getting the message.

I ask "have you finished? Mummy take it away?" If he objects then he usually carries on eating when i allow him to keep it. If he carries on playing/ throwing i say 'if you do it again, mummy will take it away'. If he does it again i take it away without a fuss and let him out of his seat. He'll get the message one day without tears (his or mine!) in the meantime