Biting - when does it generally stop?

[hamsterjam]

Yet again, DS (4.5) has been bitten by a child in his pre-school class. They have been friends since they were babies and the biting has been going on for at least two years, through nursery and now pre-school.

I am trying to be pragmatic and I realise that it must be even worse being the other parent. I keep being told that pre-school are talking to the other parents and trying to 'deal with it' but it doesn't help me when it seems to be my son that comes home with bites (today it was on his face).

What else can I do? It's beginning to really upset me and I'm fed up of trying to be understanding. Is it something that children just grow out of?

My DS, a very calm, gentle and patient child had the same problem as a toddler, and had to live with it for ages. And ages.

However, one day he gave the other child the opportunity to grow out the biting phase: he just turned round and punched them, in the face ! Just like that, just once. This was a bit of a shock to the nursery teachers and ourselves. We got a very mild talking to. However the biting stopped straight away and the children have been good friends ever since.

I am not advocating my DS's method! But a bit more firmness and less patience from the nursery teachers regarding these issues could be helpful, it happens at nursery, not at home, talking to the parents is right, but won't solve it in my view. It is a phase, and they do need help and firm guidance to grow out of it and know about boudaries, as and when the incident happens. They are very young children and do not relate to something that happened hours or days before.
In the meantime, asking for more tolerance from more 'passive' children is unfair.

My son (4.5) bites, he seems to do it fun or when he is really over excited. Because he stays at home with me I only have to worry about him biting his brother or me! I have to say I'm not sure how they can "deal with it", I've tried really hard to stop him but it is so infrequent and like I said it's only when he is over excited. I can't imagine he'll do it much longer, he seems genuinely sorry if he actually hurts someone. Does your son say why the other child bites him, my little boy (nearly 2) bites in anger but only when his big brother has done something to make him cross.

Idreamof i wish I could, just once, encourage him to retaliate but not sure it's the right thing and I would hate him to say that 'mummy told me to...'.

Chaiwallah I'm not convinced that DS has provoked the other child in any way. Even the pre-school staff today said that DS was just minding his own business when the other child came up and bit him. I'm not suggesting that DS is an angel btw as he isn't.

I don't think there is any answer, just need to vent and get some perspective.

My son was a biter, it started with teething but then became his way of venting frustration. I was very upset by it at the time. He stopped by about 4. Well done you for realising the other parent is probably feeling dreadful as I'm sure if they are a responsible parent they are. I turned up on my friends doorstep in tears after it had happened at pre-school. I know that doesn't really help you but I hope it stops soon and I'm sure it will x

No! I am not encouraging to retaliate in the way my Ds did, we certainly didn't encourage him to, he just got to the end of his tether I guess, and that was that, ( and he has never raised a hand on anyone since).
But it showed that the other child's biting phase could be brought to an end swiftly, though, and that our DS didn't have to suffer for however long it would take to end.

Chaiwallah and you would be amazed at what teachers/ nannies/ care givers can achieve in very little time, that we as parents can only dream of.

Just say to nursery it is unacceptable for your DS to come home with bite marks and that you won't tolerate it.