I have no idea what to do re: aggressive toddler.

[lastnerve]

I have 1 child ds 2 years and has been going to nursery for a while, he had basically no child interaction very young so as soon as I could I got him in nursery. He has made some improvements i.e speech some social skill improvements.
But he finds it very hard to get on with kids his own age, he is by nature very hyperactive and never stops and can revert to hitting,biting other kids very quickly :'( I have no idea why his speech is limited even though it has come on but I don't know if that is the reason.
He is very big for his age so some kids are scared anyway of him, sometimes he just goes up to some kids and behaves aggressively me and his dad are mortified and are very worried about him and other kids.
He's going to be painted as a big thug pretty soon and there is not much coming back from that, I'm noticing the cliquey-ness of other mothers being an issue already too. I am scared firstly because I don't know why this is happening and feel powerless and plus the idea of him going through school being labelled and friendless. I have spent the last 3 weeks laying awake at night wondering when/if this will end.

I've got a thread on AIBU but this area seems a bit more less 'rawr'

He's only 2! He's almost a baby still in my opinion. My friends son had the same thing at two and he grew out of it by three.

If you're noticing cliques and feel left out why don't you just stp going to nursery and begin playgroups instead? Lack of meeting other babies doesn't affect them!

Firstly I would say refer yourself to your local speech therapy department, you can usually self refer but you could ask at your GP surgery or Children's Centre as they will be able to help you.

Find out why he isn't talking and help him with that because the chances are he is trying to communicate with the other children. There is nothing like biting someone to get a reaction.

Loads and loads of toddlers go through an aggressive phase. I would suggest that when he hurts someone or looks like he is going to, turn him to face you and hold up your hand palm towards him [this is the sign for stop] and then say assertively[not shouting] "Stop Hitting/biting" and then take him somewhere else to play.

Dont bother to make him say sorry, he is too little and wont understand.
And dont enter into a long discussion about why he shouldnt do it, it will go over his head. You might feel a bit sergeant major ish about this but believe me fewer words are better with toddlers.

You will have to stay with him for a while while you stop this behaviour but It probably wont take long.

Ask nursery to do the same because consistency is really important. nursery should be willing to get on board because it will help them too.

dont worry about the other Mums, you have to grow a thick skin, they will respect you if they see you dealing with it and most of them are probably thinking they are glad its not them because next week it could be

If you werent a good mum you wouldnt be asking for help

good luck

Thanks his speech has really come on in the last year but there is still a barrier etc asking effectively for things.
I hope this area will really improve too.

How many months over 2 is he? 2 is quite different to 2.11.

I think you are worrying too much about some things. Dont fret that he didn't see many babies at a young age, they don't learn about peer interaction when they are babies anyway. I wouldn't worry about him being big- I'm not sure kids really notice their relative size. If other kids seem a bit cowed by your DS it is probably because he is getting in their space a bit rather than because they are perceiving him as a 'big thug'.

I agree that you are just going to have to 'helicopter' for a bit and intervene firmly in anything that looks like it might turn physical. He will soon figure it out!

Your two year old will make great leaps over the next year. As his speech improves it's likely that he will start being less hitty/less frustrated as he will be able to express his needs/wants. In the mean time, it's important that your son sees that you routinely discipline him if he is violent. See all aggression as unacceptable. I'd be asking what are the nursery doing when he hurts others? I'd also ask them to explain to you when he hits - whats the usual situation. Ask them to do to time out and give attention to the victim. Ask them to be firm and back it up at home.

hes 3 in a few months EBD.

the nursery actually said his social skills are worrying for a child his age.

Time outs and naughty steps have always been a big no for us as he is so hyperactive if he is kicking off I often put him in his pram as he has to be 'contained' .
Which makes things difficult, at home if he is misbehaving I say no, if its an object I take it off him and if he continue I threaten to fasten him in his pram. which either works or I have to for 2 minutes. I time it on my phone.

As he is nearly 3 I would say that his lack of speech is a concern and that some of his behaviour could be born of frustration...definitely try to get him assessed as a speech and language exprt could help enormously.